Lost My Optimism: Struggling with Anxiety and Self-Doubt at Work

The optimistic version of myself has disappeared?

Two months ago, I started working at a well-paying large company.
At that time, I was optimistic, believing that if I worked hard, I could quickly adapt, even without a degree.
However, my optimism began to fade starting the second week.
I realized that my comprehension skills were poor, I kept forgetting what my seniors said, and I made mistakes on things I had already been taught.
Negative thoughts about myself began to surface.
I started to think about work before bed, planning the order of tasks for the next day.
But when the next day didn’t go as I had anticipated, I would become anxious, experience stomach pain, tremble, and feel physically tense, wanting to cry.
I constantly blamed myself for not paying attention to the small details.
I became withdrawn, avoiding conversation and retreating to my room after work (repeatedly thinking about work issues).
I became easily tearful over minor matters, irritable, and unable to make eye contact with others, feeling foolish as if everyone was watching me fail.
Palpitations and headaches also started to occur.
To prove to myself that I could overcome my fears, I stayed for two months.
It wasn’t until I noticed that I was often hiding in my room crying after work that I realized something was wrong.
I finally admitted that I didn’t have a sharp mind and decided to leave the company.
I thought that leaving this large company would help me regain my optimism, but it didn’t.
Before applying for new jobs, I found myself worrying about various scenarios, becoming easily anxious and wanting to cry.
I never felt this way when applying for jobs in the past.
Am I unable to regain my optimistic self? What is wrong with me? I miss my previously confident self, but now I find myself wanting to cry at the slightest thing.
Do I need to see a doctor?

Xiao Yi, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/05/26

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, adapting to a new job and a new life typically takes several months before one can truly assess their ability to cope or adapt.
Feeling unwell in the second week may sometimes stem from anxiety; the more one strives to perform well, the heavier the burden of success and failure becomes, which can lead to distractions and forgetfulness, creating a vicious cycle.
You mentioned you are 32 years old; at this age, our abilities and personalities are generally well-established and do not suddenly deteriorate, so self-doubt is unnecessary.
If things feel different now compared to before, it’s worth considering that stress factors or conditions like anxiety or depression may be influencing your situation.
Fortunately, these issues are often recoverable and manageable.
Consulting a physician can expedite recovery; even if medication is prescribed, it is typically a temporary measure and not something you will need for life, so rest assured.
These problems are quite common, easily treatable, and recovery is certain.
Please do not be disheartened.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2017/05/26

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of anxiety and self-doubt, particularly in the context of your work environment. This is not uncommon, especially when transitioning into a new job or facing new challenges. The feelings you describe—such as forgetting instructions, feeling overwhelmed, and experiencing physical symptoms like stomach pain and trembling—are indicative of anxiety, which can be exacerbated by the pressures of a new role.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that many people go through similar experiences when starting a new job. The initial excitement can quickly turn into self-doubt and anxiety when faced with the realities of the workplace. Your feelings of inadequacy and the tendency to ruminate on mistakes are common symptoms of anxiety and can lead to a cycle of negative thinking. This can create a feedback loop where anxiety leads to poor performance, which in turn increases anxiety.

You mentioned that you started to isolate yourself and found yourself crying after work, which are signs that your mental health may be suffering. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are not a reflection of your worth or abilities. Instead, they are symptoms of anxiety that can be addressed with the right strategies and support.

Here are some steps you can take to help manage your anxiety and regain your confidence:
1. Seek Professional Help: It may be beneficial to consult with a mental health professional. They can provide you with coping strategies and possibly recommend therapy or medication if necessary. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety, as it helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that learning is a process. Instead of criticizing yourself for forgetting instructions or making errors, try to view these experiences as opportunities for growth.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga into your daily routine. These techniques can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall emotional well-being.

4. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your tasks into manageable steps. Instead of overwhelming yourself with the entirety of a project, focus on completing one small task at a time. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

5. Connect with Others: Isolation can worsen feelings of anxiety. Try to reach out to friends, family, or colleagues for support. Sharing your feelings can help alleviate some of the burdens you are carrying.

6. Limit Rumination: When you find yourself overthinking or replaying situations in your mind, try to redirect your thoughts. Engage in activities that require your full attention, such as exercise, hobbies, or socializing.

7. Consider a New Work Environment: If the corporate environment is contributing to your anxiety, consider exploring other job opportunities that may be a better fit for your personality and working style. Sometimes, a change in environment can make a significant difference in your mental health.

8. Educate Yourself About Anxiety: Understanding that anxiety is a common psychological response can help normalize your experience. Reading about anxiety and its effects can empower you to take action and seek help.

In conclusion, it is essential to address your feelings of anxiety and self-doubt proactively. Seeking professional help, practicing self-compassion, and implementing coping strategies can significantly improve your mental health and help you regain your optimism. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with the right support, you can overcome these challenges and find your way back to a more confident and optimistic self.

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