Your Girlfriend's Emotional Response: Is It PTSD?

Is this a condition similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

Hello, Doctor.
First, I want to apologize because the question I have is not about my own issue, but rather about my girlfriend.
We have been dating for about two months; she is 30 years old, and I am currently 36.
My girlfriend has no prior dating experience, and we have not yet been intimate.
When we are at home, we often kiss, but if the kissing lasts too long, she starts to make some moaning sounds and her body moves involuntarily.
This is where the problem arises.
She says that during those moments, her mind goes blank, and she loses consciousness (or has only fragmented awareness).
I initially thought this was a normal reaction, but she expressed that she dislikes feeling out of control and losing awareness, which makes her feel "scared." After she regains some awareness, her body and hands shake intensely, and there have been instances where she cried heavily, feeling close to a breakdown.
She has even resorted to self-harm to wake herself up faster, such as scratching her arms until they are red or biting her tongue or lips.
This has made me hesitant to continue, as I can see that while her body may be comfortable, her mind is filled with fear or anxiety.

Currently, whether it's kissing, necking, or physical touching, if it lasts too long, she experiences these feelings, so I am completely afraid to take things further.
I initially thought that perhaps she had some past negative experiences that caused this reaction, but she insists that she has not.
I would like to ask the doctor what I should do in this situation.
Additionally, she has some social anxiety, dislikes interacting with colleagues, and has very few friends; I wonder if this is related.
Lastly, I want to know if I can see a psychiatrist on her behalf to explain her symptoms, as she is unwilling to seek help herself.
Thank you, Doctor, for taking the time to respond.

Alex, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/09/24

Dr. Wang Yazhen reply Psychiatry

Hello Alex, typically, the experience of feeling detached or having an out-of-body sensation in certain situations, such as during kissing, may likely trigger a dissociative state related to past trauma.
Dissociative states are often a defense mechanism that occurs when an individual encounters unbearable pain, allowing them to escape from the ongoing feeling of distress.
However, traumatic experiences may not always be directly recalled, as these memories can be repressed and difficult to access.
Additionally, the individual may not be consciously aware of how this issue affects them.
Regarding the social anxiety aspect, it is essential to clarify her actual interactions with peers, as your brief description makes it challenging to assess the situation.
It is advisable to consult a psychiatrist for evaluation and diagnosis; the physician may also recommend considering medication or referring her for in-depth psychotherapy to address her issues.
Thank you!

Reply Date: 2017/09/24

More Info

It sounds like your girlfriend is experiencing some significant emotional distress, which may be related to past trauma or anxiety. The symptoms you describe—such as losing consciousness or feeling detached during intimate moments, intense shaking afterward, and self-harming behaviors—are concerning and suggest that she may be dealing with a form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or another anxiety-related condition.

Understanding the Symptoms
1. Dissociation: The feeling of losing control or consciousness during intimate moments can be a form of dissociation, which is often a coping mechanism in response to stress or trauma. This can manifest as a feeling of being detached from oneself or one's surroundings, which can be frightening and disorienting.

2. Physical Reactions: The intense shaking and emotional breakdowns following these episodes may indicate that her body is reacting to the stress of the situation. This can be a physical manifestation of anxiety or trauma, where the body is in a heightened state of alertness or fear.

3. Self-Harm: Engaging in self-harming behaviors, such as scratching her arms or biting her lips, is a serious concern. This behavior can be a way to cope with overwhelming emotions or to regain a sense of control when feeling dissociated.

4. Social Anxiety: Her discomfort in social situations and limited social interactions may also contribute to her overall emotional state. Social anxiety can exacerbate feelings of isolation and fear, making it harder for her to seek help or engage with others.

What You Can Do
1. Encourage Open Communication: It's essential to create a safe space for her to express her feelings without judgment. Let her know that you are there to listen and support her. Encourage her to share her thoughts and fears, even if they are difficult to discuss.

2. Suggest Professional Help: While it may be challenging, gently encourage her to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide a proper diagnosis and treatment plan tailored to her needs. If she is hesitant to go alone, offer to accompany her to the appointment for support.

3. Educate Yourself: Understanding PTSD and anxiety disorders can help you better support her. Familiarize yourself with the symptoms, triggers, and coping strategies associated with these conditions. This knowledge can empower you to provide informed support.

4. Avoid Pressuring Her: While it's important to encourage her to seek help, avoid pressuring her into it. Let her make the decision when she feels ready. You can express your concern and willingness to help, but ultimately, the choice must come from her.

5. Explore Coping Strategies Together: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and emotional well-being, such as mindfulness, meditation, or gentle physical activities like yoga. These can help her manage anxiety and improve her emotional state.

6. Be Patient: Recovery from emotional distress takes time. Be patient with her as she navigates her feelings and experiences. Celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how minor they may seem.

Regarding Seeking Help on Her Behalf
It is generally not advisable to seek medical help on someone else's behalf without their consent, as this can lead to feelings of violation or mistrust. However, you can encourage her to see a mental health professional and offer to help her find a suitable therapist or accompany her to the appointment. If she remains resistant, you might consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional yourself on how best to support her.

Conclusion
Your girlfriend's symptoms are serious and warrant professional attention. While you can provide support and encouragement, a trained mental health professional is best equipped to help her navigate her emotional challenges. Be there for her, listen, and encourage her to seek the help she needs, but also take care of your own emotional well-being as you support her through this difficult time.

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