and Supporting a Partner with PTSD: A Guide for Young Relationships

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this situation.
It's important to approach sensitive topics like mental health and trauma with care.
Here’s a translation of your content into English:
I want to ask a question about my girlfriend's psychological trauma.
She is unwilling to talk much, so I have insufficient information.
I try to provide what I know, so there may be a lot of unnecessary details.
I'm 19 years old, and I have a 15-year-old girlfriend.
We agreed to be together on March 27, 2026.
We have known each other for about six months through online dating, but our relationship was very shallow at first.
We only started talking frequently about a month ago.
One day, she mentioned that we are not yet a couple and found it strange that I often say "I love you." At that time, she asked me for 2,000 NT dollars for tuition, which she had only found.
She apologized if she said anything negative.
I had previously bought her gifts, and I jokingly asked if I was like an ATM.
Around that time, she revealed that she originally did not believe in love and was unsure if she liked me.
She also said that no one could wait that long and suggested that we should not contact each other anymore.
She mentioned that sometimes she thinks about suicide.
At that moment, I didn't think much of it and told her that I had also thought about suicide in the past, which I didn't take seriously.
After a few days, I asked her about it again, and she said she sometimes thinks about it but not all the time.
I believe that when she said she sometimes thinks about suicide, it was not in the past tense; something might have happened that caused her trauma.
Later, she told me that she was bullied at school (I think "bullying" is just a term) and needed to transfer schools, which would cost about 1,000 NT dollars.
Although I intended to help her that day, I seemed to intentionally ask her many questions.
We were originally talking on Instagram, but that night when I went to sleep and woke up, I found that she had deleted her Instagram account.
I had her phone number and later found her on Telegram.
She said I did nothing wrong; she just temporarily didn't want to talk to anyone, which is why she deleted her account.
She mentioned that she was feeling better and would talk to me again, saying that deleting the account was not permanent.
After that, her attitude became quite cold and dismissive.
She didn't respond much when I asked her about the transfer.
A few days later, she said she was intentionally ignoring me and felt that I shouldn't spend money on her.
I was curious about her needing 1,100 NT dollars; she had previously shown me a receipt for 4,000 NT dollars, so she was short 1,000.
I said I wanted to help, but she seemed to continue ignoring me.
Eventually, I think I gave her the money, and she briefly thanked me.
Regarding our daily conversations, she said "yes" (she had previously said that if she transferred schools, she would talk to me every day), but she didn't open her account again.
I tried to contact her through text messages, email, and Telegram, but she didn't respond.
Later, after I sent her money with a note, she finally appeared and questioned why I was spending money on someone I hadn't met.
She said she would leave sooner or later.
When I asked her why, she said she couldn't explain.
I filtered some of my questions, and she was willing to answer some, but I forgot what she said at that time.
At that moment, she was willing to talk to me, but I didn't want to continue the conversation, so I said goodnight and intentionally changed the subject.
I asked her if I should cut off contact on the day of the tuition payment, and she said "yes." I didn't want her to feel like she had no future with me without saying anything.
I let her express herself and then gave her a farewell gift.
Later, I asked a few final questions and offered her about 3,000 NT dollars as a farewell gift.
When I sent it twice, she asked why I sent it twice and mentioned that the payment method I used wouldn't allow her to access the money right away (it actually takes 21 days to process).
She answered my questions, and I asked her why she said she was feeling better and would reach out to me again, and why she said she would talk to me every day.
She said she did say that, but something happened that changed her personality.
I felt that she was not answering my questions directly.
I clearly asked her why she said those things, not why she didn't follow through.
I felt that she was only focused on money and not on me (since she started asking for tuition).
I told her that I didn't want to discuss any topics outside of my questions.
If she was unwilling to talk, then she shouldn't keep shifting to topics she liked.
She mentioned that it was a bit awkward, but she already liked me.
She said she wouldn't show her pictures to someone she didn't like and that she wouldn't leave or abandon me.
She said that she actually disliked boys a little, but only a little, and that she didn't talk to boys or have male friends, but she didn't dislike me.
At that time, I somewhat scolded her, saying that everything she said was false, etc.
Later, she apologized and thanked me.
She is willing to share very little, but about three hours after she apologized to me, my thoughts changed.
I felt that something must have happened to her, that she had trauma, and that being bullied was just a term; perhaps it was more reasonable.
I asked her if she hated me, if she only hated me.
I wouldn't bring up feelings with her if it would cause her pain.
We also disregarded any future commitments and agreed to be friends.
She said that her mood wasn't that bad, but she had lost interest in everything I did for her.
I had previously sent her a link to a depression-related website for a test, but she ignored it.
I had also suggested she seek counseling or see a psychiatrist regarding depression.
I asked her if she was eating and sleeping well, if she had found some of her old interests like anime, music, or games, and if she had found some happiness again.
She said she didn't only hate me.
I had somewhat filtered the conditions of her dislike.
She didn't answer me directly but mentioned that she had some trauma and wasn't eating well.
She used to really like a singer and would be very happy talking about him and buying related items.
At that time, she was happier.
She said she really liked him, but she was slowly forgetting about that singer and losing interest.
If she doesn't want to see a psychologist, how can I help her? How should I interact with her? I used to be somewhat less understanding and liked to ask her many questions, but now I understand her more and prioritize her willingness.
If she tells me that a topic makes her uncomfortable, I won't force her to discuss it.
This is my current mindset.

fgf, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/11/22

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

If she is unwilling to seek medical attention or accept psychological treatment, the people around her can only listen, empathize, and provide companionship.
Don't forget that the government offers free psychological treatment for individuals aged 15 to 30.
Dr.
Wu Enliang

Reply Date: 2023/11/22

More Info

Supporting a partner with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn about their condition. Here are some key points to consider when navigating this complex relationship dynamic, especially given the age and emotional maturity of both partners involved.

Understanding PTSD
PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Individuals with PTSD may also experience emotional numbness, difficulty in relationships, and a tendency to avoid situations that remind them of the trauma. Understanding these symptoms is crucial for providing effective support.

Communication is Key
Open and honest communication is vital in any relationship, but it becomes even more critical when one partner is dealing with PTSD. Encourage your girlfriend to share her feelings and experiences at her own pace. It’s important to create a safe space where she feels comfortable expressing herself without fear of judgment. However, be prepared for the possibility that she may not always want to talk about her trauma. Respect her boundaries and let her know that you are there for her whenever she is ready to share.

Be Patient and Understanding
Healing from trauma is not a linear process. There will be good days and bad days. On difficult days, your girlfriend may withdraw or exhibit behaviors that can be confusing or hurtful. It’s essential to remain patient and avoid taking her actions personally. Instead, try to understand that her behavior may be a reflection of her struggles with PTSD rather than a reflection of her feelings for you.

Encourage Professional Help
While your support is invaluable, it’s important to recognize that you are not a substitute for professional help. Encourage her to seek therapy or counseling from a mental health professional who specializes in trauma and PTSD. Therapy can provide her with coping strategies and tools to manage her symptoms effectively. If she is resistant to the idea of therapy, gently remind her that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Educate Yourself
Take the initiative to learn more about PTSD and its effects. Understanding the condition can help you empathize with what your girlfriend is going through and equip you with the knowledge to support her better. There are numerous resources available, including books, articles, and online forums dedicated to PTSD.

Set Boundaries
While it’s important to be supportive, it’s equally important to take care of your own mental health. Establishing boundaries is crucial in any relationship, especially when one partner is dealing with mental health issues. Make sure you communicate your needs and feelings as well. It’s okay to express when you feel overwhelmed or need a break.

Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Help your girlfriend find healthy ways to cope with her feelings. This could include engaging in physical activities, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or exploring creative outlets like art or music. Encourage her to reconnect with activities she once enjoyed, as these can serve as positive distractions and help improve her mood.

Be There for Her
Sometimes, the best support you can offer is simply being present. Let her know that you care and are there for her, whether she wants to talk or just sit in silence. Small gestures, like sending a thoughtful message or spending time together doing something enjoyable, can make a significant difference in her day.

Conclusion
Supporting a partner with PTSD requires a delicate balance of empathy, patience, and self-care. By fostering open communication, encouraging professional help, and educating yourself about the condition, you can create a supportive environment that promotes healing and understanding. Remember, it’s a journey for both of you, and it’s okay to seek support for yourself as well. Your relationship can grow stronger through this experience, provided both partners are willing to work together and support each other’s needs.

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