Overcoming Emotional Pain: Coping with Workplace Conflict and Trust Issues

Sadness

I'm feeling uncomfortable every time I see a colleague who has made comments about my work being easy and has directed some unfounded attacks at me.
It feels like I'm punishing myself for something I didn't do wrong, and it's painful to accept that I can't interact with this person in a friendly manner.
Our interactions are reduced to mere nods, and I want to know how to stop feeling this way.
The sadness and sense of injustice are overwhelming, and I find it hard to heal from this hurt.
I wonder if I'm being too petty—perhaps I've never experienced disliking someone before, but this situation feels like my world has collapsed.
I used to care about this person, thinking they treated me well, only to realize they think differently.
This has led me to feel like I can't trust anyone, and I feel like I'm the one losing out, which is terrifying and undeserving.
Yet, every day feels like a painful repetition, and I wish I could become someone who doesn't care about others, thinking that might prevent me from getting hurt.
This internal struggle is exhausting, and people say I look drained.
Is it okay to dislike this person? Maybe it's because I genuinely want to keep my distance, but there's a voice inside me saying I shouldn't feel this way.
Every morning, I wake up in a bad mood and feel lost about what to do.
Additionally, I seem to struggle with recognizing my own worth, always comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate.
This emotional turmoil has lasted for over six months, and just seeing this person makes me tense.
How can I find peace? Thank you.

se, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/10/14

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, this person is likely someone you care about deeply.
Therefore, their psychological impact on you is hard to ignore.
Rationally speaking, conflicts and misunderstandings in the workplace are unavoidable; everyone encounters them, and every workplace has its share.
Thus, it is the same no matter where you go.
I suggest you view this situation as something common, like catching a cold, rather than treating it as a catastrophic event.
This perspective may lessen your feelings of grievance and pain.
Typically, no one will admit to being right or wrong, and justice often cannot be served.
Fortunately, time can help diminish conflicts if we do not hold onto them tightly.

A useful technique is to shift your focus.
When you notice these thoughts resurfacing, immediately engage in another activity or redirect your attention to your breathing to interrupt the cycle.
Initially, even if you can only interrupt the thought for a brief moment, such as one second, it can still be effective.
Little by little, you will become more skilled at redirecting your attention.

Moreover, since pain is unavoidable, we should also incorporate some joy or positive experiences to create balance.
Reflect on the happiness you still possess and try to spend more time immersed in that fulfilling and pleasurable state, which can help reduce the pressure of negative emotions.
Lastly, consider that your mood may be affecting your sensitivity to various situations, such as in the case of depression, leading to more negative thoughts and a lack of confidence.
It may be beneficial to consult a physician to clarify this aspect.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2017/10/14

More Info

It sounds like you're experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress due to workplace conflicts and trust issues with a colleague. This situation can be incredibly challenging, especially when it affects your mental well-being and overall quality of life. Let's break down some strategies that may help you cope with these feelings and improve your situation.

Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Experiencing conflict with a colleague can lead to feelings of hurt, frustration, and even self-doubt. It's not uncommon to feel a sense of betrayal when someone you thought was supportive turns out to be critical or dismissive. This can lead to a cycle of negative emotions, where you feel stuck in a loop of resentment and sadness.

One effective approach to managing these feelings is to practice self-compassion. Instead of being hard on yourself for feeling hurt or upset, try to treat yourself with kindness. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel this way and that you're not alone in experiencing workplace conflicts. Many people face similar challenges, and acknowledging this can help reduce feelings of isolation.

Another strategy is to focus on your response to the situation rather than the actions of your colleague. While you cannot control how others behave, you can control how you react. Consider setting boundaries with this colleague. If interactions with them are consistently negative, it may be beneficial to limit your engagement to only what is necessary for work. This can help reduce the emotional toll of these encounters.

Additionally, it might be helpful to engage in mindfulness practices. Mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce anxiety about past interactions or future encounters. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or even simple grounding exercises can help you regain a sense of calm when you feel overwhelmed.

If you find that these feelings persist and significantly impact your daily life, seeking professional help could be a beneficial step. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies tailored to your situation. They can also help you work through trust issues and build your self-esteem, which seems to be a concern for you.

It's also important to remember that your worth is not defined by others' opinions or actions. Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments, both in your personal and professional life. Keeping a journal where you note positive experiences or achievements can help shift your focus from negative interactions to positive affirmations of your value.

Lastly, consider engaging in activities outside of work that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it's pursuing a hobby, spending time with friends, or volunteering, these experiences can help you build a more positive self-image and provide a necessary break from work-related stress.

In summary, overcoming emotional pain from workplace conflict involves a combination of self-compassion, boundary-setting, mindfulness, and possibly professional support. Remember that it's okay to seek help and that you have the power to change how you respond to challenging situations. With time and the right strategies, you can find a sense of peace and regain your confidence.

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