Struggling with Anxiety and Uncertainty: A Journey to Change - Psychiatry

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Hello, doctor.
I have been living off my parents for six years, my weight has exceeded 100 kg, and my sleep schedule is completely upside down.
When I graduated, I did look for a job, but just the thought of going to work made me feel anxious and nauseous.
I quit after just a few days.
Later, I tried to help out at my family's factory, but I was still constantly agitated, and after a few days, I stopped going and spent all my time in my room.
Six years have passed, and I am now 28.
When I go out to eat with friends, I have to pretend that I am working from home.
I see on Facebook that my friends are getting married and having children, and life keeps moving forward, which makes me feel envious.
I realize I can't stay like this anymore; I want to change.
Just thinking about continuing this way makes me feel like I will be doomed.
I opened job search websites and looked at many positions, but then I felt various pressures and anxiety.
I started to think about what would happen if my parents were no longer around.
Without any relatives or a partner, would I have to face an empty house alone? What if something happened to me or I got sick? I feel so lonely and scared.
For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about how to deal with the future if this continues.
My mood has been low, and I can't feel happy.
I've even thought about whether death would be easier, but that would hurt my family, and I shouldn't think that way.
Although I've searched online for relaxation resources and videos, after trying them, I quickly feel agitated again.
For the past couple of days, I haven't eaten much; I'm very hungry but have no appetite and even feel nauseous at the thought of food.
I can only take a few bites before losing interest.
My body feels weak and lethargic.
I've considered going back to help at the factory, but then I think about whether I can manage it without my family.
If I can't hold it together, what will I do when facing mid-life unemployment? If I help at the factory, is that the life I want? I keep going in circles with these thoughts, and I feel increasingly down.
My mood fluctuates; my mom keeps saying I'm just too idle and overthinking.
I know I think too much and too far ahead, but I can't suppress these thoughts.
I tell myself every day to sleep early and change my routine, but I wake up and it's already noon.
It's been like this for weeks.
I want to change, but I can't seem to do it.
The thought of going out to work scares me, and not working and earning money makes me fear the future.
I keep thinking about the future, and it terrifies me.
I regret what I've been doing these past few years.
Am I just being lazy and unwilling to change, or have my physical and mental health already become problematic? Thank you for listening to all my concerns, and I would appreciate your help in resolving these issues.

Jiang, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/01/01

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: Based on your description, you want to change your current situation but have many concerns, leading to a long-term sense of pessimism and lack of confidence.
I suggest that you first take care of your health.
Give yourself a week to establish a regular routine for meals and sleep, simulating a work schedule at home.
After a week, start helping out in the family business.
What you lack is action; it's natural to worry about not doing well and to be concerned about the future.
Once you begin taking positive actions, you can reduce this anxiety.
Your assistance in the family business will provide additional support, which should be beneficial for your household, and your parents will likely be pleased to see you taking initiative.
It's inevitable to encounter challenges at work; when things don't go well, learn from the experience and improve for next time.
Over time, I believe your confidence and work skills will gradually improve.
Best wishes to you.

Reply Date: 2018/01/01

More Info


It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, grappling with feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and a sense of stagnation in your life. First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that what you are experiencing is valid and not uncommon. Many people face similar struggles, especially when transitioning into adulthood and dealing with societal expectations.

From what you’ve described, it seems you are caught in a cycle of negative thoughts and feelings that are exacerbating your anxiety. This is often referred to as a "thought spiral," where one negative thought leads to another, creating a loop that can feel inescapable. You mentioned feeling overwhelmed by the idea of returning to work, which is understandable given your past experiences. The pressure to conform to societal timelines—seeing friends getting married and starting families—can intensify feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure.


Understanding Anxiety and Its Impact
Anxiety is a natural response to stress, but when it becomes chronic, it can significantly impact your daily life. Symptoms can include physical manifestations such as loss of appetite, fatigue, and a sense of dread about the future. These symptoms can create a vicious cycle: the more anxious you feel, the less likely you are to engage in activities that could alleviate that anxiety, such as seeking employment or socializing.


The Importance of Professional Help
Given the depth of your feelings and the duration of your struggles, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide you with tools to manage your anxiety and help you work through the underlying issues contributing to your feelings of stagnation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety, as it focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns.


Practical Steps to Consider
1. Start Small: Instead of overwhelming yourself with the idea of finding a job, consider small, manageable steps. This could be as simple as updating your resume or applying for one job a week. Breaking tasks into smaller steps can make them feel less daunting.

2. Routine and Structure: Establishing a daily routine can provide a sense of normalcy and control. Try to set specific times for waking up, eating, and engaging in activities, even if they are small.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can help reduce anxiety. These techniques can ground you in the present moment and alleviate some of the overwhelming feelings about the future.

4. Social Support: While it may feel difficult, reaching out to friends or family members can provide emotional support. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can help alleviate the burden of isolation.

5. Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical activity can significantly improve your mood and energy levels. Even a short walk can help clear your mind and reduce feelings of anxiety.

6. Nutrition and Sleep: Pay attention to your diet and sleep patterns. Eating balanced meals and ensuring you get enough rest can have a profound impact on your mental health.


Reflecting on Your Thoughts
It’s also essential to challenge the negative thoughts that arise. When you find yourself thinking, “I’m just lazy,” try to reframe that thought. Consider the circumstances that have led to your current situation and recognize that it’s okay to feel lost at times. Life is not a straight path, and many people take different routes to find their way.


Conclusion
In summary, you are not alone in your struggles, and there are paths forward. It’s crucial to take small steps, seek professional help, and lean on your support system. Change is possible, but it often requires patience and persistence. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, and taking that first step can lead to significant progress in your journey toward a more fulfilling life.

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