My Mental and Physical Health Struggles: A Personal Journey - Psychiatry

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I am not very clear about my physical and mental condition?


Hello Doctor: I started experiencing dizziness at the end of February this year.
At that time, my band was preparing for a national student music competition.
I visited a local clinic near my school, where the doctor pressed on the back of my neck and noted that it was particularly tight.
He prescribed medication for dizziness, as I had experienced unexplained dizziness before last year's college entrance exam, which was diagnosed as "benign recurrent vertigo," so I thought it was just a recurrence.
However, after taking the medication for a week, my condition did not improve; in fact, it worsened after the competition.
I began to suffer from severe insomnia and poor sleep, felt mentally foggy, experienced dry eyes and mouth, occasional blurred vision, and one day, feeling utterly exhausted and on the verge of fainting with the world spinning around me, I went to a psychosomatic clinic (03.23).
The doctor diagnosed me with "autonomic nervous system dysregulation," attributing it to sleep issues, and I wondered if it was due to excessive stress.
I sought counseling at school, but after a month, I still had headaches, dizziness, nausea, and a feeling of unease in my stomach, yet I couldn't vomit.
My mind felt empty, and my memory, attention, and motivation significantly declined.
Others said it was normal to forget things, but I felt it was not okay and became very frustrated.
My personality tends to be obsessive, and I felt compelled to uncover the cause of my condition.
I wanted to know what was wrong with me; I couldn't accept feeling this way about my health, which made me very anxious.
I study in a different city and rarely go home.
I visited a large hospital and consulted with cardiology and neurology, but after the initial visit, I had to wait a month for tests, and I still haven't seen the neurology report.
I continued my follow-up visits at the psychosomatic clinic (in the city where my university is located), and after reporting that my dizziness and pain had not improved, the doctor adjusted my medication, which helped significantly.
Meanwhile, the school arranged for a psychiatrist to help students, but the consultation was very brief.
(05.09) I was told I had "depression," and I am indeed taking medications for depression and anxiety.
Before this psychiatric diagnosis, my mood had been lower than usual; I often didn't want to leave my dorm room and spent a lot of time lying in bed, not knowing what to do or wanting to study, whether it was coursework or extracurricular reading.
I rarely attended club or team activities due to my health.
I don't know if it's a side effect of the medication or a symptom of the illness itself, but it makes life feel exhausting.
I often feel an inexplicable urge to cry and need a space to release my emotions, yet sometimes I also want someone to be with me.
Throughout this process, I continued counseling and began to confront past memories, releasing those emotions.
I don't know if this is good or bad, but I see my mother, who has depression, attempting self-harm (jumping into a river), banging her head against the wall (multiple times), and having conflicts with relatives, including violent altercations and panic attacks.
I wonder if this counts as childhood trauma or harm, which mostly occurred during my elementary school years.
Before college, I never spoke to anyone about my family situation because most of my close friends knew my mother, and I didn't want to tarnish her image.
However, facing her is very contradictory; I am struggling with my mental health, and I am desperately trying to find the root cause.
I used to suppress my emotions and feelings, but now that I am bringing them to light, I don't know if it's good or bad.
I feel that my emotional fluctuations have been more pronounced lately.
One day, I began to self-harm with sharp objects while showering, crying and cutting myself, feeling somewhat relieved by the scars as a form of release.
I know this is not healthy, but I find it hard to stop because I feel that others think I am fine, while I feel otherwise.
Additionally, my mother does not understand why I choose to take psychiatric medications but not health supplements, believing that those medications are harmful.
I know they can be, but I want to sleep.
Yesterday, I tried not taking them, but I had many frightening dreams and thoughts throughout the night, feeling completely unrested.
Today, I visited the psychiatric department of a large hospital, and the diagnosis was "adjustment disorder, unspecified." After researching online, it seems to fit my situation well.
I am unclear about the procedures in psychiatry; I just feel that I haven't fully expressed my overall symptoms, and I can't seem to clarify them.
Fortunately, I have this platform to type out my thoughts.
Thank you, Doctor, for reading my story.
The medications I have taken include Mirtazapine, Sertraline, Diazepam, Fluoxetine, and others.

Enen, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/06/23

Dr. Huang Jiabin reply Psychiatry


Hello: Thank you for your hard work.
Deciding to open up about your life story may have come after much hesitation and contemplation, and it is not an easy task.
However, it is fortunate that you have shared these experiences that are often difficult to express, as you may have discovered that the act of venting itself possesses a miraculous healing power.
It sounds like you have been experiencing emotional distress recently, with symptoms of depression and anxiety that make it hard for you to relax.
Even with medication, your symptoms still fluctuate.
Your body’s inability to recover smoothly is something that your perfectionist nature cannot accept, which drives you to dig deeper into the roots of your issues, perhaps tracing back to childhood experiences of witnessing your mother's emotional instability, which may have left scars that contribute to your current situation.
However, the past cannot be changed! This has left you feeling stuck, as there is no way to alter what has already happened—none! You may resort to self-harm as a way to escape these bothersome feelings, perhaps as a means to rid yourself of that weak, problem-solving self; or maybe it serves as a form of punishment for not feeling good enough.
I would recommend that you have regular follow-up appointments to discuss your condition with your physician.
In addition to medication, your doctor can analyze your current psychological state and lifestyle, providing insights and recommendations.
Maintaining a balanced diet and a regular daily routine are also essential for recovery, as everything is connected to our brain, which needs to be well cared for.
Keeping a daily mood journal to reflect on your feelings can help you gain a better understanding of yourself; as mentioned earlier, you may discover the power of writing.
If you have the energy, engaging in appropriate physical activity can speed up your recovery and enhance your resilience to stress.
Although it may not be easy, believe that you can do it!

Reply Date: 2018/06/23

More Info


Your journey through mental and physical health struggles is both complex and deeply personal. It seems that you have been navigating a challenging landscape of symptoms, diagnoses, and emotional turmoil. From your description, it is clear that you are experiencing a significant amount of distress, which has manifested in various physical symptoms such as dizziness, insomnia, and gastrointestinal issues, alongside emotional challenges like depression and anxiety.

The initial diagnosis of benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) suggests that your dizziness may have had a physical basis, but as your symptoms evolved, it became apparent that psychological factors were also at play. The subsequent diagnosis of autonomic nervous system dysregulation indicates that your body is responding to stress in a way that affects your physical health. This is not uncommon, as the mind and body are intricately connected, and psychological stress can lead to physical symptoms, a phenomenon often referred to as psychosomatic illness.

Your experience of feeling "empty" or "hollow" and the struggle with memory, attention, and motivation are indicative of the cognitive and emotional impacts of depression. It's important to recognize that these feelings are not merely a reflection of personal weakness; they are symptoms of a mental health condition that requires understanding and appropriate treatment. The fact that you are aware of these feelings and are seeking help is a positive step forward.

The mention of your family history, particularly your mother's struggles with mental health, adds another layer to your experience. It is not uncommon for individuals with a family history of mental illness to grapple with their own mental health challenges. This can create a complex emotional landscape where feelings of guilt, shame, or fear of judgment may arise, especially when trying to navigate your own mental health needs while being mindful of your mother's condition.

Your use of self-harm as a coping mechanism is concerning and indicates a need for immediate support. While it may provide temporary relief, it is not a healthy or sustainable way to manage emotional pain. It is crucial to find healthier coping strategies and to work with a mental health professional who can help you explore these feelings in a safe environment.

The diagnosis of adjustment disorder suggests that you are struggling to cope with significant life changes or stressors. This condition can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms. It is essential to address these underlying stressors and to develop coping mechanisms that can help you manage your emotional responses more effectively.

As you continue your journey, consider the following recommendations:
1. Therapeutic Support: Engage in regular therapy sessions with a mental health professional who can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and experiences. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing negative thought patterns and developing healthier coping strategies.

2. Medication Management: If you are experiencing side effects from your current medications, discuss these with your psychiatrist. There may be alternative medications or adjustments that can help alleviate symptoms without compromising your well-being.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, into your daily routine. These techniques can help reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation.

4. Support Networks: Reach out to trusted friends or support groups where you can share your experiences and feelings. Connecting with others who understand your struggles can provide comfort and validation.

5. Journaling: Continue to write down your thoughts and feelings. This can be a therapeutic outlet and may help you process your emotions more effectively.

6. Physical Health: Pay attention to your physical health by maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in regular exercise, and ensuring you get enough sleep. Physical well-being is closely linked to mental health.

7. Education: Educate yourself about mental health conditions and treatment options. Understanding your diagnosis can empower you to take an active role in your recovery.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it is okay to seek help along the way. You are not alone in this struggle, and there are resources available to support you through your challenges.

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