Seeking Guidance for Overcoming Negative Thoughts and Self-Harm

I hope to receive some suggestions?

Hello, doctor.
Due to the influence of my family since childhood, I realize that I have a very negative and closed personality, along with a strong capacity for endurance.
Certain factors have led me to strongly dislike humanity.
Additionally, I have a very accomplished peer among my relatives, which has resulted in my parents often comparing us (I have been ranked second or third for many years).
I have a particular aversion to myself and often feel self-loathing.
I don't have close friends, so sometimes I use a utility knife to cut my skin.
Of course, there are times when I injure myself, and while cutting, I sometimes quietly watch the blood flow out, or I pinch myself or cover myself with a blanket to the point where I can hardly breathe.
Rationally, I have significantly reduced these behaviors, but that’s mostly to avoid being discovered.
In my work, I pretend to be a diligent and hardworking employee, and I absolutely refuse to participate in any activities unless necessary.
Although I suppress myself rationally, my negativity and self-destructive tendencies have never changed.
For example, if a catastrophic disaster were to occur, I would want to run away just to confirm whether the world would end and whether it matters if I survive.
Or, when I had a wrist fracture that was not healing well, I became paranoid and thought it might be better to just cut my hand off (rationally, I trust the doctor's judgment).
Of course, I have not acted on these thoughts.
Often, I feel like I am not myself, and I sometimes dream that I am watching myself because, in reality, I don’t believe I will ever receive any recognition.
Therefore, I only enjoy virtual characters and stories.
During my university years, I spent time reading some psychology books, and I am aware that I have some issues.
I hope to receive some advice on how to change myself.

Wu, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/08/28

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
The text reveals long-term negative emotions and self-harming behavior.
I hope you can cherish yourself, just as your questions indicate a desire for better mental and physical health.
I recommend that you consult a mental health professional (what you refer to as a psychologist) as soon as possible.
If that is not convenient, please reach out to the Zhang Teacher (1980) or the Lifeline (1995) hotline.
They also provide counseling, consultation, referral, and other services to help you improve your distress.

Reply Date: 2018/08/28

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a complex mix of emotions and behaviors that are deeply rooted in your past experiences and current mental state. The feelings of negativity, self-harm, and detachment from others can be incredibly overwhelming, but it’s important to recognize that you are not alone in this struggle, and there are ways to seek help and find healing.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that self-harm, such as cutting or other forms of physical harm, is often a coping mechanism for emotional pain. It can provide a temporary release or distraction from overwhelming feelings, but it does not address the underlying issues. The fact that you have recognized this behavior and are trying to rationalize it is a positive step. However, it’s essential to find healthier coping strategies. Engaging in activities that promote emotional expression, such as journaling, art, or physical exercise, can be beneficial. These activities can help you channel your feelings in a constructive way.

Your feelings of inadequacy and comparison to others, especially within your family, can significantly impact your self-esteem. It’s common for individuals who have faced constant comparison to develop a negative self-image. It may be helpful to practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone has their unique strengths and weaknesses. Instead of focusing on how you measure up to others, try to identify and celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

Seeking professional help is highly recommended. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide you with the tools and support necessary to navigate your feelings and behaviors. Therapy can help you explore the root causes of your negative thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns and can help you reframe your thinking.

Additionally, consider joining support groups or engaging in community activities that align with your interests. This can help you build connections with others and reduce feelings of isolation. While it may feel daunting to interact with people, taking small steps toward social engagement can gradually improve your comfort level.

It’s also important to address the feelings of nihilism and detachment you mentioned. These feelings can be indicative of deeper emotional distress, and discussing them with a therapist can provide clarity and understanding. They can help you explore the meaning of your experiences and guide you toward finding purpose and fulfillment in your life.

Lastly, practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques can help you stay present and manage overwhelming emotions. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can promote relaxation and help you reconnect with your body and emotions in a safe way.

In conclusion, while the journey to overcoming negative thoughts and self-harm can be challenging, it is possible with the right support and strategies. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and taking proactive steps toward healing can lead to a more fulfilling and positive life. You deserve to feel better and to find joy in your existence.

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