Family Bullying: Navigating Emotional Pain and Seeking Help

Bullying by family members

Hello Doctor: For the past 3.4 years, every time I have dinner with my family, I am either asked if I brought money or teased about "mooching" off them, while my two sisters are never asked these questions.
Although I laugh it off, each time it hurts, and sometimes I accidentally cry, only to be mocked for being emotional or teased in Hakka, which I don't understand.
I don't understand why I am singled out for these comments while others are not.
Additionally, whenever I go out with my two sisters, they suggest I take the bus instead of riding in the car, even though there are enough vehicles.
They don't seem to consider me a part of the family.
The title refers to a past incident where one of my sisters attempted suicide due to relationship issues.
After that, the family has been very cautious in conversations with her, ensuring she has everything she needs and appears happy.
However, they continuously attack those who have never attempted suicide with harsh words, implying that one must go through such an experience to find relief.
Lately, every time I hear their comments, I feel an impulse to follow my family's example and commit suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.
However, after researching online, many people say this is just a temporary emotional low and not depression, suggesting that I don't need to see a doctor.
Despite being aware of my condition, I am afraid to enter a clinic, fearing that the doctor might think I am misusing resources and scold me.

De Feng, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/04/02

Dr. Zhang Gengjia reply Psychiatry

Hello~ First of all, thank you for being willing to ask questions.
It seems that you have had a difficult journey and feel somewhat wronged.
Life inevitably brings negative feelings that need to be properly addressed rather than isolated.
Although this is not easy, you have worked hard for a long time and have the courage to write it down.
I suggest that you bravely seek a trusted physician or psychologist to discuss your feelings, or communicate with them in writing as you have done here.
The situation may be complex, but collaborating with professionals will be better than facing it alone.
Regular outpatient follow-ups and psychological therapy are recommended.
Our clinic offers outpatient services from Monday to Friday, both in the morning and afternoon.
I suggest you consider visiting the clinic for a personal assessment of your symptoms, so we can discuss the best decisions for you together.
Wishing you good physical and mental health.
Sincerely, Dr.
Chang Geng-Jia, Psychiatry.

Reply Date: 2020/04/02

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing significant emotional distress due to your family dynamics, particularly in how you feel treated compared to your siblings. Family relationships can be complex and often involve a mix of love, support, and, unfortunately, conflict or bullying. Your feelings of being singled out and ridiculed during family meals, as well as the lack of recognition as a valued member of the family, can understandably lead to feelings of pain and isolation.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Emotional pain stemming from family interactions can be profound and can affect your mental health. The comments made by your family members, especially when they seem to target you while your siblings are treated differently, can create a sense of worthlessness and frustration. This type of emotional bullying can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety, and it’s crucial to address these feelings rather than dismiss them as temporary or insignificant.

The fact that you mentioned having thoughts of self-harm is particularly concerning. While you may feel that these thoughts are just a momentary reaction to your emotional pain, they should not be taken lightly. Thoughts of self-harm or suicide are serious and indicate that you may be in a state of crisis. It’s essential to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide you with the support and guidance you need.
You mentioned feeling apprehensive about seeking help, fearing that you might be judged for "misusing resources." However, mental health services exist precisely for individuals in distress, and reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A mental health professional can help you navigate your feelings, provide coping strategies, and work with you to improve your situation.
In addition to professional help, consider reaching out to supportive friends or community members who can provide a listening ear and emotional support. Sometimes, sharing your experiences with someone who understands can alleviate some of the burdens you carry.
It's also worth exploring ways to communicate your feelings to your family, if you feel safe doing so. Sometimes, family members may not realize the impact of their words and actions. A calm and honest conversation about how their comments make you feel could potentially lead to a better understanding and a shift in their behavior. However, this is only advisable if you feel it would not put you in a more vulnerable position.

Lastly, engaging in self-care practices can also be beneficial. This could include activities that bring you joy, relaxation techniques, or hobbies that allow you to express yourself. Building a routine that incorporates self-care can help improve your overall emotional well-being.

In summary, your feelings of pain and isolation due to family dynamics are valid and deserve attention. Seeking professional help is crucial, and you should not hesitate to reach out for support. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenging emotions and improve your situation.

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