Unable to see a doctor?
I can't bring myself to seek help from any doctors or mental health professionals.
I know I should go, and I understand that these people are there to help me and are kind, but at the same time, I feel like they are laughing at me behind my back.
I think everyone is secretly saying bad things about me.
Even asking questions here makes me wonder if you find my issues trivial.
A long time ago, I visited a small clinic, but I could hardly say anything.
I could only smile politely and respond to trivial matters.
Since then, I haven't gone to any clinics again.
I feel like everyone wants to kill me, and before someone else does, maybe suicide would be a better option.
In the past, I could cry freely and let it all out, but now I just let the tears flow quietly.
I don't want to cry anymore; I don't want to be this weak.
Even crying feels exhausting.
When I get so angry that I want to cry, I just want to scratch my eyes so that I won't cry, even though in the end, I only end up with a few scratches.
But this kind of punishment feels just right for someone like me.
I don't know what to do.
I think maybe I have a problem, but if I don't, then I would just be going out to be laughed at.
The medication I received from that small clinic felt like a placebo.
I like the idea of going to a pharmacy and buying some unknown medication.
When I'm feeling down or dizzy or uncomfortable, I think that if I just take a few pills, I will feel better.
I don't want to hold it in until I can't take it anymore and end up scratching my waist and upper arms.
Although the wounds satisfy me in the moment, this is how I find comfort.
Do I need to see a doctor? I can control myself; I don't want to face those smiling people.
I'm sorry for holding such hostility towards doctors.
123, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/06/09
Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry
Hello, online friend: I understand that it's not easy to share your feelings with strangers.
I suggest starting by talking to family members, close friends, or sisters.
You can also listen to their advice or ask them to recommend a good and patient doctor or therapist.
Additionally, you can utilize helplines such as the 1925 Mental Health Hotline.
Keep it up! Dr.
Wu En-Liang
Reply Date: 2020/06/09
More Info
Overcoming the fear of seeking mental health help is a significant challenge for many individuals, and it’s important to recognize that you are not alone in feeling this way. The feelings of shame, embarrassment, and fear of judgment can be overwhelming, but addressing these emotions is a crucial step toward healing and recovery.
Firstly, it’s essential to understand that mental health professionals are trained to help individuals who are struggling with various issues, including anxiety, depression, and self-harm. Their primary goal is to provide support and guidance, not to judge or ridicule. The perception that others might be laughing at you or thinking negatively about you is often a manifestation of anxiety itself, rather than a reflection of reality. Most people are focused on their own lives and struggles, and mental health professionals are no exception. They have likely encountered many individuals with similar feelings and concerns, and they approach each case with empathy and understanding.
The fear of being vulnerable in front of a therapist or doctor is common. It can feel daunting to open up about your thoughts and feelings, especially if you have been holding them in for a long time. However, it’s important to remember that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Sharing your experiences can lead to significant breakthroughs in understanding yourself and your emotions. A good therapist will create a safe space for you to express your feelings without fear of judgment.
If you have had negative experiences in the past, such as feeling unheard or receiving medication that didn’t help, it’s understandable that you might be hesitant to seek help again. However, not all therapists or doctors are the same. It may take time to find a professional who you feel comfortable with, but this process is worth the effort. Consider seeking recommendations from trusted friends or family members, or look for online reviews of mental health professionals in your area. Many therapists offer initial consultations, which can help you gauge whether their approach aligns with your needs.
In terms of managing your feelings of anxiety and self-harm, it’s crucial to find healthier coping mechanisms. While self-harm may provide temporary relief, it ultimately does not address the underlying issues and can lead to further emotional distress. Instead, consider exploring alternative methods of coping, such as journaling, engaging in physical activity, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or expressing yourself through art. These activities can provide an outlet for your emotions and help you process your feelings in a constructive way.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, it may be beneficial to reach out to a trusted friend or family member and share your thoughts. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can alleviate some of the burden. Additionally, support groups, whether in-person or online, can provide a sense of community and understanding from others who are experiencing similar struggles.
Lastly, it’s important to acknowledge that seeking help is a sign of strength. It takes courage to confront your fears and reach out for support. Remember that mental health is just as important as physical health, and taking steps to care for your mental well-being is a vital part of living a fulfilling life. If you feel that you need immediate help, please consider contacting a mental health professional or a crisis hotline. You deserve support and care, and taking that first step can lead to a path of healing and recovery.
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