Struggling with Cross-Dressing Desires: the Psychological Impact

The inability to control the desire for cross-dressing is not illegal, but it is not socially accepted by the public?

Hello Doctor: Over time, I have gradually realized that I have a particular fondness for certain styles of women's clothing.
However, I am not homosexual, nor do I desire any physical attributes like a curvy figure or breasts.
I simply enjoy "cute" items associated with femininity, such as bows, wedding dresses, princess outfits, maid costumes, lolita fashion, fluffy furs, oversized collar coats, and layered petticoats, among others.
I have tried to quit or change this interest, but I find myself becoming more and more immersed in it.
I know that my friends and family would not accept this, yet I still find myself secretly purchasing these items and hiding them away.
At night, I wear them while going for walks, along with a twin-tail wig and the clothing (without exposing any inappropriate body parts).
I understand that society would not accept a man dressed this way, but I still enjoy the thrill of sneaking out at night, intentionally wanting strangers to see me and experience that sense of shame.
I often take selfies and share them with online acquaintances.
Whenever I wear these outfits and go for a walk, I feel uplifted and relaxed, as if I can release various pressures.
I am aware that if my family discovers the various women's clothing items I have hidden at home, it could irreparably damage my lifelong reputation and family relationships.
I have resolved to throw everything away several times, but after a while, I can't help but buy more.
Whenever I have the opportunity to purchase or wear these items, I find it difficult to suppress the urge to think about buying or wearing them.
Am I psychologically abnormal or do I have a psychological barrier? Should I suppress this desire deep within as a secret known only to myself, or is there a way to overcome it? When I feel the urge to buy or wear these items, should I take medication to suppress it?

Huang A-Dian, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/07/06

Dr. Huang Xiaoxian reply Psychiatry

Dear A-Dian, thank you for your question.
It sounds like this is quite troubling and challenging for you.
You've mentioned that you don't have an attraction to men and that you don't wish to become a woman, but rather you feel joy when cross-dressing.
Everyone has their unique preferences or ways to find pleasure, and there's no need to feel overly guilty about it, as long as it doesn't violate the law.
Additionally, while societal norms may not always accept these traits, they are part of your personal privacy, and the decision to disclose them is your right.
I suggest you consider seeking psychological counseling, where you can discuss your feelings in a safe environment with a therapist to further process your stress.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2020/07/06

More Info

It's important to acknowledge that grappling with cross-dressing desires can evoke a complex array of emotions, and it's perfectly normal to feel confused or conflicted about these feelings. Your experience is not uncommon, and many individuals find themselves navigating similar paths. Understanding the psychological impact of cross-dressing desires can help you gain clarity and insight into your feelings.

First and foremost, it's essential to recognize that cross-dressing does not inherently indicate a psychological disorder or deviance. Many people engage in cross-dressing as a form of self-expression, exploration of identity, or simply for enjoyment. The key factor is how these desires affect your daily life and mental well-being. If your cross-dressing brings you joy and relief from stress, it may serve as a healthy coping mechanism. However, if it leads to feelings of shame, guilt, or anxiety, it may be beneficial to explore these feelings further.

The societal stigma surrounding cross-dressing can contribute to feelings of isolation and fear of judgment. It's understandable that you might feel compelled to hide this aspect of yourself from family and friends, fearing that it could damage your relationships. However, suppressing these desires can lead to increased internal conflict and emotional distress. It may be helpful to consider seeking support from a mental health professional who is knowledgeable about gender identity and expression. They can provide a safe space for you to discuss your feelings without judgment and help you navigate the complexities of your desires.

In terms of coping strategies, consider the following:
1. Self-Acceptance: Embrace your interests as a part of who you are. Understanding that it's okay to have these desires can alleviate some of the guilt and shame associated with them.

2. Journaling: Writing about your feelings and experiences can provide clarity and help you process your emotions. It can also serve as a tool for self-reflection and understanding.

3. Support Groups: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating. Look for local or online support groups focused on gender identity and expression.

4. Therapy: A mental health professional can help you explore the underlying reasons for your desires and assist you in developing coping strategies. They can also help you address any feelings of shame or anxiety associated with cross-dressing.

5. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall emotional well-being.

Regarding medication, it's crucial to consult with a healthcare professional before considering any pharmacological interventions. Medication may be appropriate if you're experiencing significant anxiety or depression related to your feelings, but it should be part of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes therapy and support.

Ultimately, the goal is to find a balance that allows you to express yourself authentically while also maintaining your mental health. It's essential to approach this journey with compassion for yourself and an understanding that it's okay to seek help. Remember, you are not alone in this experience, and there are resources available to support you.

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