Am I Suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder and PTSD?

Is it possible to have dissociative identity disorder and PTSD?

Event 1: I remember when I was very young, I went to the creek to have a barbecue.
I went down to play in the water by myself and ended up drowning.
The current was too strong for me to swim back up, and I forgot what happened afterward.
This is in my memory, but I don't know if the drowning was real, a dream, or PTSD.
The barbecue at the creek definitely happened, but my parents never mentioned it as I grew up...
and I never asked because I didn't remember it at that time (kindergarten period).
Event 2: When I was a child, my parents often argued, and the police frequently came to our house for assistance.
One time, the most extreme incident was when my dad attempted suicide in front of me (unsuccessfully).
I forgot what happened afterward.
Is this PTSD? (elementary school period).
Event 3: After my parents divorced in elementary school, I transferred schools in fifth grade.
I suspect I had depression (but I never saw a psychiatrist).
At that time, Facebook was very popular, and I posted a lot of negative content.
Every day when I got home, I would just sit on the couch, staring at the cabinet, imagining using a knife from there to commit suicide, but it was just an imagination.
Looking back now, I feel foolish.
Anyway, my classmates found out and told the teacher, who then looked at me in front of the whole class and said, "If you want to die, then go ahead." I felt embarrassed, but I didn't know how to feel.
Later, that teacher privately asked about my situation, and in my memory, it was just asking about my family situation.
She also told my mom, who just told me to think positively.
I replied, "Oh," thinking that kind of talk was nonsense...
After that, I felt like my classmates hated me and kept asking them if they did...
Am I mentally troubled since childhood? (elementary school period).
Event 4: Before transferring schools, my teachers described me as very talkative and lively.
However, after experiencing a period similar to depression after transferring, I became very quiet, both at school and at home.
My speech became almost illogical, my thinking slowed down, my memory worsened, and occasionally before sleeping, I would hear voices in my head, noisy voices, a crowd of people...
What could be wrong with me? (junior high school period).
Event 5: My mother passed away, and I don't know why I felt nothing; I just calmly handled the aftermath.
My sister kept asking why I wasn't sad and said I was cold-blooded, which made me feel pressured to force out a few tears...
Later, I suspected I had depression, as every night I would remember my father's suicide and my mother's death, and at the same time, I broke up with my boyfriend, leading to tears.
In fact, I witnessed my father’s suicide as a child, crying desperately and saying no.
At that moment, I was crying not just about those events; I thought they were nothing, just wanting to cry.
I don't know why I was crying.
I just felt very depressed.
Is this depression? I never personally visited a psychiatrist...
I thought I was just overthinking it at that time.
(high school period).
Event 6: Now at 19, in college, I feel like I've changed as a person; I'm not as depressed as before.
I feel indifferent about everything, in a state of letting go of myself.
I haven't been focusing on my studies, thinking that if I wasn't going to take it seriously, I would take a semester off to reflect on my mind.
I'm going back to school this month.
I originally thought my mental state should be better, but my memory shows signs of declining.
Sometimes when others ask me something, my mind goes blank, but when I'm alone, I have many thoughts.
However, when someone asks me, I stutter and can't express my complete thoughts.
The second thing is that recently, while sleeping, I hear voices in my head, a male voice calling my name, and a female voice saying "hey." There were actually other things said, but I forgot...
The third thing is that one day, when I needed to tell someone my phone number, I forgot it, even though I usually remember it...
Later, I asked my family, and I recalled it again...
The fourth thing is that I forgot something, but the other person said they had told me, yet I have no recollection of it.
No matter how I think about it, I just can't remember.
The fifth thing is that if someone asks me what I said or did a second ago, yesterday, this morning, or during a recent time, I can't answer because I simply can't recall, or it takes a long time to think...
The sixth thing is that sometimes I have two thoughts about something but don't know which one to honor.
The seventh thing is that since starting college, I can't sit still, and my attention is scattered.
I know I need to pay attention in class, but my body just doesn't listen; I have little self-control.
Is this dissociative identity disorder (split personality)? By the way, despite being tormented internally before college, my academic performance didn't decline; I even got into my first-choice school.
It was only after starting college that these symptoms and psychological factors caused my academic performance to worsen.
In summary, I want to know if I have depression, PTSD, and dissociative identity disorder.

Xiao Cao, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/02/13

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Your letter reveals a long-standing expression of negative emotions since childhood, which may be related to the impact of your parents and family life events.
However, there is no need to rush into a diagnosis for yourself.
It seems that you have been trying to adjust throughout your growth process.
I recommend gathering some information on emotional intelligence (EQ) management to learn some methods.
You may also consider consulting a nearby mental health clinic for your psychological concerns.
If that's not convenient, you can initially reach out to the Ministry of Health and Welfare's helpline (1925) for assistance.
This should be helpful.
Thank you.

Reply Date: 2021/02/13

More Info

Based on your detailed account of various traumatic experiences and emotional struggles throughout your life, it is understandable to question whether you might be suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or depression. While I cannot provide a diagnosis, I can help clarify some of the symptoms and experiences you've described, which may assist you in understanding your mental health better.

1. Understanding PTSD:
PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Your recollection of witnessing your father’s suicide and the subsequent emotional numbness you felt after your mother’s passing are significant indicators of potential PTSD. The fact that you have difficulty remembering certain traumatic events, such as the drowning incident, could also suggest dissociative symptoms often associated with PTSD, where the mind may block out memories of trauma as a coping mechanism.

2. Symptoms of Depression:
Your feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and the tendency to isolate yourself are common symptoms of depression. The fact that you expressed thoughts of self-harm and experienced a lack of motivation, especially during your middle school years, further supports this possibility. The emotional numbness you described after your mother’s death, coupled with your reflections on past traumas, indicates a struggle with processing grief, which can often coexist with depression.

3. Dissociative Identity Disorder:
DID is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality states or an experience of possession. It often arises as a response to severe trauma, particularly during childhood. While you mentioned experiencing voices and feeling disconnected from your thoughts, it is essential to differentiate these symptoms from DID. The memory lapses and feelings of being "not yourself" can also occur in PTSD and depression, particularly under stress.

4. Cognitive and Memory Issues:
Your difficulties with memory, attention, and processing information, especially when under pressure, are concerning. These cognitive symptoms can be associated with both PTSD and depression. It is not uncommon for individuals with these conditions to experience "brain fog," where they struggle to recall information or articulate their thoughts clearly.

5. Seeking Professional Help:
Given the complexity of your experiences and the symptoms you are facing, it is crucial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide a comprehensive assessment and help you understand your symptoms better. They can also offer therapeutic interventions tailored to your needs, which may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-focused therapy, or medication if necessary.

6. The Importance of Support:
It’s vital to have a support system in place. Whether it’s friends, family, or support groups, connecting with others who understand your struggles can provide comfort and validation. Sharing your experiences with a therapist can also help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

In conclusion, while your symptoms may align with PTSD, depression, or even dissociative experiences, only a qualified mental health professional can provide an accurate diagnosis. It’s commendable that you are seeking to understand your mental health better, and taking the step to reach out for help is crucial. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and support is available.

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