Am I Struggling with Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Q: Am I Struggling with Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Hello, everyone： Each person has their own personality. <br>Those who prefer not to socialize can enjoy their time alone or interact with family members or colleagues they frequently meet, which can be fulfilling. <br>However, if this leads to difficulties in daily life, it may i

Am I suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Hello, Doctor: (I apologize if my sentences are not very coherent and the content is quite long.
I am not good at socializing and tend to be a conversation killer! Every time I chat with others, I think: Is what I said okay? Should I not have said that? Would it have been better if I had said it differently? But no matter how much I think about it, it’s already too late.
I often tell myself to pay more attention next time, but when the next time comes, it doesn't get any better...
I do have a few "friends" at school with whom I have a decent relationship! We sit together in class and eat lunch together.
Compared to so-called outcasts, I tell myself I am quite fortunate, but I don’t know why I still tend to think negatively.
Sometimes I really dislike myself.
Although I have known since childhood that I have difficulties in interpersonal relationships and social interactions, as I grow older and face more people and situations, I find myself gradually having to confront everything I used to avoid.
Now that I’m in college, especially as I approach graduation and the workforce, this feeling of helplessness and fear is becoming stronger.
I start to think that after graduation, I will be alone again, but then I realize, no, I have always been alone.
Honestly, I’m not sure if I actually have "friends." Throughout my life, I had classmates I could chat with in elementary school, but we lost touch after graduation.
In middle school, I thought maybe I should change and become more outgoing, so when school started, I tried to change, but it ended in failure.
I felt awkward and regretted it, and I was so nervous that I couldn’t speak properly, which led to me having no friends throughout middle school.
No one would even talk to me during breaks.
Although I wasn’t bullied or disliked, to everyone else, I was just a classmate, someone who sat in the classroom.
High school was probably the best time for me! I finally belonged to a small group.
I thought I had made progress and changed, but after graduation, everything was gone again.
I wonder why I can’t seem to keep in touch with people.
Did I say something wrong? Did I do something weird? Is there something wrong with me? After going through so many stages, I gradually understand my interpersonal flaws.
Now that I’m in college and interacting with classmates, I tell myself that the people who hang out with me now probably won’t keep in touch after graduation.
When I look back at the past, I wonder if I was always meant to be someone without friends.
In this world, there are people who are very sociable and those who prefer solitude, and I am someone who "can only" be alone.
I believe I have really tried.
I don’t dare to go shopping alone or eat alone in a restaurant.
To push myself, I have tried, but the feelings that come with it are painful, lonely, and make me want to cry.
Why am I always alone...
Looking at my classmates' Instagram, I feel envious of their lives.
After class, they go out to eat and hang out together, and on weekends, they have different activities.
Meanwhile, my life consists of going to school and coming home, and this has been the routine for over a decade! Why, even in college, when I should have more free time, am I still like this? I don’t dare to reach out to others; I’m very scared.
I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I really can’t...
I mentioned earlier that I have a few decent classmates in college.
Why don’t I dare to confidently call them my "friends"? Perhaps it’s due to my lack of self-confidence.
I feel like I’m just an afterthought.
When everyone is going out to shop or eat, they sometimes ask me, but I always feel like: since I happen to be nearby, it would be strange not to ask me, but honestly, it wouldn’t matter if I were there or not.
In fact, everyone would probably be happier without me.
If I’m there, they might have to consider my feelings (since I’m very introverted), and they can’t fully enjoy themselves.
Without me, everything would be perfect.
Usually, no one would think to ask me if I want to go out to eat or have fun because I’m really boring.
I’m not someone who lets loose and has fun, but it’s not that I don’t like it; I just don’t react much, and I’m a conversation killer.
I know I’m like this, and I know it’s all my fault, but why do I still hope someone will come and say a word to me, even just one? I really hope someone would ask me if I want to go eat with them, if I want to go shopping, or if they have any places they want to go to and would ask if I want to join.
Even though I’m boring, not good at chatting, and very timid, always shrinking back, afraid of everything and unable to do anything, I still hope there’s that one person who values my existence, who doesn’t see me as just an afterthought, but genuinely thinks it’s good to have me around and wishes I were there...
But without hope, there can be no disappointment.
I tell myself this too; perhaps this wish is too greedy.
Why should anyone accept such a flawed version of me? I keep thinking these things, telling myself it’s impossible, yet I also feel that maybe there is such a person out there, but then I think this idea is too naive.
How could real life be like that? It’s a vicious cycle every time, making me feel very sad, thinking I’m pathetic.
After suffering for a long time, I still don’t know what to do, even until now...
Because I don’t dare to share these feelings with people in real life, I have posted articles online to relieve stress.
I feel that I have avoidant personality disorder because I seem to fit its characteristics.
I once thought I had social anxiety, but if someone is willing to reach out to me, I would actually be happy, even if I can’t chat naturally with everyone.
Just sitting there, I would be grateful that someone wanted to include me.
When I read about the characteristics of avoidant personality disorder, I feel like, "In situations where I have choices in life, when viewing certain things, and in some of my thoughts, I match those characteristics, which leads me to have these thoughts." Although there are many things I haven’t said, I’m afraid the content is too long.
I would appreciate your help in clarifying my confusion.
Thank you!

Ke Ke, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/04/23

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Hello, everyone: Each person has their own personality.
Those who prefer not to socialize can enjoy their time alone or interact with family members or colleagues they frequently meet, which can be fulfilling.
However, if this leads to difficulties in daily life, it may indicate a personality disorder.
In such cases, it is advisable to seek psychological treatment.
But if someone is unwilling to engage with others, how can they access therapy? Currently, Taiwan also offers online psychological therapy! You can check it out online.
Dr.
Wu Enliang

Reply Date: 2021/04/23

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing significant challenges in social situations, which may lead you to wonder if you are struggling with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD). Your feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and the tendency to overthink your interactions with others are common characteristics associated with this disorder. AVPD is characterized by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation. Individuals with AVPD often avoid social interactions due to fears of criticism or rejection, which seems to resonate with your experiences.

From what you've described, it appears that you have a strong awareness of your social difficulties and a desire to connect with others, which is a positive sign. Many individuals with AVPD may not have this level of self-awareness or the desire to change. Your reflections on your past experiences, such as feeling like an outsider in school and struggling to maintain friendships, further highlight the emotional turmoil you are facing.

It's important to recognize that your feelings of inadequacy and the belief that you are "not good enough" are common in those who struggle with AVPD. You mentioned that you often feel like a "bystander" in social situations, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. This is a painful experience, and it's understandable that you would want to find ways to improve your social interactions and overall well-being.

One of the key aspects of addressing AVPD is to engage in therapeutic interventions that can help you develop social skills, build self-esteem, and challenge negative thought patterns. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is often effective for individuals with AVPD, as it focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful beliefs and behaviors. A therapist can work with you to gradually expose you to social situations in a controlled and supportive environment, helping you to build confidence over time.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can be beneficial. Mindfulness can help you stay present in social situations rather than getting caught up in negative thoughts about yourself. Self-compassion encourages you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, rather than harsh self-criticism. This shift in mindset can help alleviate some of the anxiety you experience in social interactions.

It's also worth considering joining support groups or social skills training programs, where you can practice interacting with others in a safe and structured setting. These environments can provide valuable opportunities to connect with others who may share similar experiences, reducing feelings of isolation.

Lastly, it's essential to remember that change takes time, and it's okay to seek help. If you haven't already, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional who can provide guidance tailored to your specific needs. They can help you explore your feelings further and develop a personalized plan for addressing your social challenges.

In summary, while your experiences align with some characteristics of Avoidant Personality Disorder, a thorough evaluation by a mental health professional is necessary for an accurate diagnosis. With the right support and strategies, you can work towards improving your social interactions and enhancing your overall quality of life. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenges.

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