Struggling with Sexual Orientation: Coping with Family Pressure and Secrets - Psychiatry

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The concealment of sexual orientation issues is becoming increasingly overwhelming?


Hello, doctor.
Due to my sexual orientation as a homosexual, I have never had a girlfriend.
However, as I have reached the age for marriage, my family and relatives frequently urge me to get married, even trying to introduce me to women to see if I can get along with them.
I can only decline by saying I have no feelings or that we don't connect.
I am the only male in my family, with one sister and one younger sister, and my parents constantly pressure me to give them grandchildren.
The pressure is increasing because my parents are traditional conservatives and have even told me, "Don't go being gay." This makes me feel that I cannot tell them about my sexual orientation; they would surely be devastated and might even cut ties with me.
I want to keep this secret to myself forever and bear the troublesome matters and pressure alone, but I don't know how long I can hold on.
What should I do?

Chen Hao, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/06/29

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry


Hello, netizen: You should live your own life rather than letting it be controlled by your parents or others.
It's advisable to gradually help them understand your sexual orientation.
If communication proves difficult, you still need to live your own life.
Same-sex marriage has been legalized in Taiwan, allowing same-sex couples to adopt children or use assisted reproductive technologies to have biologically related children.
You can utilize resources such as the Taiwan LGBTQ+ Consultation Hotline Association at https://hotline.org.tw/.
The LGBTQ+ health free consultation hotline is 0800-010-569, where many people can help answer any questions you may encounter! Dr.
Wu En-Liang

Reply Date: 2021/06/29

More Info


Navigating the complexities of sexual orientation, especially in the context of family pressure and societal expectations, can be an incredibly challenging experience. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone in facing these struggles. Many individuals in similar situations grapple with the fear of rejection, the desire for acceptance, and the pressure to conform to traditional norms.

Firstly, it’s crucial to acknowledge the emotional toll that keeping such a significant part of your identity a secret can take on your mental health. The anxiety of hiding your sexual orientation from your family, coupled with the pressure to meet their expectations, can lead to feelings of isolation, depression, and even self-doubt. It’s understandable to want to protect yourself from potential rejection, especially from those you love, but it’s also essential to consider the long-term effects of this secrecy on your well-being.

One potential approach to coping with this situation is to seek support from friends, LGBTQ+ groups, or mental health professionals who can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and experiences. Connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can help you feel less isolated and provide you with valuable insights on how to navigate your situation. Many communities have resources available, such as support groups or counseling services, specifically tailored for LGBTQ+ individuals.

In terms of managing family expectations, it may be helpful to develop a strategy for how to respond to their inquiries about relationships and marriage. You might consider setting boundaries regarding discussions about your personal life. For example, you could express that you appreciate their concern but prefer to focus on your personal happiness and career goals for now. This approach allows you to assert your autonomy while minimizing conflict.

If you ever feel ready to share your sexual orientation with your family, it’s essential to choose a time when you feel safe and supported. Preparing for this conversation can help alleviate some anxiety. You might want to think about how you will explain your feelings and the importance of being true to yourself. It’s also helpful to anticipate their reactions, which could range from acceptance to confusion or disappointment. Remember that their initial response may not be their final stance; people often need time to process new information.

It’s also worth considering that societal attitudes toward LGBTQ+ individuals are changing, and many families are becoming more accepting over time. While it may feel daunting now, there is a possibility that your family could come to understand and accept your identity, especially if they see how happy and fulfilled you are when you are true to yourself.

Lastly, it’s essential to prioritize your mental health throughout this process. Engaging in self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, or creative outlets, can help you manage stress and maintain a sense of balance. If you find that the pressure is overwhelming, seeking professional help from a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues can provide you with coping strategies and emotional support.

In conclusion, navigating your sexual orientation in the face of family pressure is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s important to remember that you deserve to live authentically. Surround yourself with supportive individuals, consider your options for communicating with your family, and prioritize your mental health. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you find your way.

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