Exploring Sexual Orientation: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Understanding

Q: Exploring Sexual Orientation: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Understanding

Hello, Xiao Yi： Based on your description, it seems that you have an interest in male bodies and experience physiological responses. <br>If you also experience physiological responses to female bodies, it may indicate that you could be bisexual. <br>Of course, the terms heterosex

Sexual orientation issues

Hello, doctor.
I am a 21-year-old male, and I have been questioning my sexual orientation for some time.
When I was younger, I would have physiological reactions when I saw muscular men.
The school I attended in high school was quite conservative; they prohibited students from dating and emphasized academics, which I feel limited my self-exploration during that time, resulting in less interaction with the opposite sex (which is still the case now).
Additionally, my relationship with my father is not as harmonious as in other families, and I wonder if that has had an impact.
Currently, I am working out, and I have noticed that I no longer react as strongly to seeing naked men as I used to.
However, I still get aroused when I see particularly attractive men or those with large genitalia.
I have always thought this was due to my sensitivity and insecurity, wishing my own genitalia were as impressive and that I were more attractive.
I tend to be introverted and self-conscious about my appearance.
When I masturbate, I often watch videos of other men masturbating, with fewer gay videos, and sometimes I watch adult films, although I usually pay attention to the male actors.
I have always believed that I just want to embody the masculine qualities of those actors (as I do not desire to engage in sexual acts with them, but rather want to become like them).
If a woman were to initiate a sexual encounter with me and I projected myself as a male actor, I think that would also arouse my sexual desire.
Nevertheless, I still want to date women, and I only fantasize about being in relationships and starting a family with women; I do not have thoughts of kissing or dating men, at most just sharing the pleasure of masturbation.
When I interact with women, I do feel shy and have a desire for deeper possession, but I do not feel that way with men.
I have looked into LGBTQ+ groups, but I find that I do not particularly enjoy or resonate with the atmosphere there.
I would like to ask you, doctor, has my sexual orientation already been determined? Or do I need more exploration and stimulation? Would watching more adult films to understand female bodies help me find my sexual orientation?

Xiao Yi, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/07/08

Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry

Hello, Xiao Yi: Based on your description, it seems that you have an interest in male bodies and experience physiological responses.
If you also experience physiological responses to female bodies, it may indicate that you could be bisexual.
Of course, the terms heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual are just broad classifications; in reality, sexual orientation can be viewed as a continuous spectrum.
Each person can have varying degrees of interest in same-sex or opposite-sex individuals, rather than being simply categorized as "interested" or "not interested." I suggest that, in a natural setting, you might consider dating a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Through the process of making friends, you should gain a better understanding of your sexual orientation.
Adult films can serve as a reference, but don't let them overshadow the importance of real-life relationships! If you continue to feel troubled about your sexual orientation, you can also visit a mental health professional to discuss it with a doctor.
Wishing you peace and health.

Reply Date: 2021/07/08

More Info

Exploring one's sexual orientation can be a complex and deeply personal journey, especially during the formative years of young adulthood. At 21, it's completely normal to have questions and uncertainties about your sexual orientation, especially given the experiences you've described.
From what you've shared, it seems you have a range of feelings and reactions towards both male and female bodies. You mentioned experiencing physiological responses to male bodies, particularly those that you find attractive, while also expressing a desire to engage in relationships with women. This duality can be confusing, but it's important to recognize that sexual orientation exists on a spectrum. Many people find themselves somewhere along this spectrum rather than fitting neatly into categories like heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.

Your experiences of arousal when seeing muscular men or engaging with male pornography could suggest an attraction that may not necessarily define your overall sexual orientation. It's possible to appreciate or be attracted to certain physical traits without it dictating your sexual preferences in relationships. The fact that you primarily fantasize about relationships with women indicates that you may identify more closely with heterosexuality, but your attraction to male bodies could suggest a degree of bisexuality or fluidity in your sexual orientation.

It's also worth noting that your upbringing and environment can significantly influence your self-exploration. Growing up in a conservative school that discouraged romantic relationships may have limited your opportunities to explore your feelings and attractions in a healthy way. Additionally, your relationship with your father and feelings of self-esteem can impact how you view yourself and your sexuality. These factors can contribute to feelings of confusion or self-doubt, which are common among young adults navigating their sexual identities.

As for your question about whether your sexual orientation is already determined or if you need more exploration, the answer is that it can be both. Sexual orientation can evolve over time as you gain more experiences and insights about yourself. Engaging in more social interactions, whether with men or women, can provide you with a clearer understanding of your feelings. It might also be beneficial to explore your feelings in a safe and open environment, perhaps through friendships or casual dating, to see how you feel in different contexts.

Regarding your interest in watching adult films, while they can provide some insight into sexual attraction, they often do not reflect real-life relationships or emotional connections. It might be more beneficial to focus on building genuine relationships and understanding your feelings in those contexts rather than relying solely on adult content for exploration.

If you continue to feel confused or troubled by your feelings, consider speaking with a mental health professional who specializes in sexual orientation and identity. They can provide a supportive space for you to explore your feelings without judgment and help you navigate this journey of self-discovery.

In summary, your sexual orientation is not a fixed label but rather a fluid aspect of your identity that can change and develop over time. Embrace the exploration process, engage with others, and allow yourself the space to understand your feelings without pressure. Remember, it's perfectly okay to take your time in figuring out who you are and what you want in your relationships.

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