Often? Every day? Filled with negative emotions?
Doctor, I'm currently in my office, crying and feeling very weak, unable to control my emotions.
This is the second time this year.
I initially wanted to return to Taiwan to seek medical help, but the pandemic and work have prevented me from doing so.
I just want to hide away, even consider disappearing, and return to the happy version of myself.
But I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, or maybe I just don't want to remember.
I can't even bear to look at my own photos; I'm afraid of seeing the smile in those pictures that feels so different from who I am now.
It’s so painful, my mind is filled with negativity and dissatisfaction with the world.
I'm not a smart person, but I feel like I've been trying hard.
I thought kind people could be positive.
I've just come out of quarantine for COVID-19 (my CT levels went up and then down), but my work environment demands that I return to my position quickly.
I feel I should respect those who are healthy, but upon returning, I found that people around me, out of fear, have locked the restrooms, preventing someone like me from using them.
Yet, our VVIPs have also contracted the virus, which makes me wonder if those without power are considered inferior and shouldn't exist.
At work, I feel like my efforts are overshadowed by those in positions of power, making it seem like I'm not trying hard enough.
Gradually, I find myself wanting to stop trying, and I begin to feel that things are no longer in my control.
I start forcing myself to not care; perhaps habit can become second nature.
I don't even know what I want anymore; it feels like I'm just waiting for dawn, waiting for dusk, often zoning out and feeling empty.
Cry12, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/07/09
Dr. Wu Menghuan reply Psychiatry
Hello: Due to the impact of the global pandemic, people's anxiety about death has intensified more than ever.
Many individuals engage in irrational behaviors to combat their anxiety; it's no wonder that Camus said in "The Plague," "The only way to fight the plague is with integrity." You have to work away from home alone during this pandemic, experience the loneliness and helplessness of isolation, face the fear of possibly contracting the virus, and endure various forms of unequal treatment...
Honestly, I think you have been incredibly strong! I believe you have already overexerted yourself! If you feel like crying, allow yourself to cry out loud; if you want to hide, take a day off to explore a new place! Never ignore the warning signs your body is sending you.
During this difficult time, perhaps it is an opportunity for us to reflect on why we are working so hard.
I suggest watching the Japanese film "I Quit, I Fired a Heartless Company." Life is a marathon, not a sprint; fleeting fireworks, while stunning and desirable, always leave a sense of emptiness once they end! When you feel powerless, just doing your part is enough! If you experience persistent feelings of depression for more than two weeks, find yourself crying for no reason, lose interest in activities you once enjoyed, have changes in appetite or sleep, notice a decline in attention or cognitive abilities, find it affecting your work or daily life, or even have thoughts of hopelessness, it may be important to consider whether you are experiencing depression.
I recommend consulting a psychiatrist or mental health professional for an evaluation to see if you need medication or psychological therapy.
Thank you.
Reply Date: 2021/07/09
More Info
It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Your feelings of sadness, isolation, and frustration are valid, and it’s important to recognize that you are not alone in this struggle. Many people face similar emotional turmoil, especially during difficult periods in their lives.
From what you’ve shared, it seems you are grappling with a deep sense of hopelessness and a desire to escape from your current reality. This can often lead to feelings of worthlessness and despair, which can be overwhelming. The fact that you are crying at work and feeling the urge to hide away indicates that your emotional state is significantly affecting your daily life. It’s understandable to feel this way, especially after enduring prolonged stressors such as the pandemic and the pressures of work.
One of the first steps in addressing these feelings is to seek professional help. You mentioned wanting to return to Taiwan for assistance but feeling hindered by various circumstances. If returning home is not feasible at the moment, consider exploring mental health resources available in your current location. Many therapists and counselors offer virtual sessions, which can provide you with the support you need without the need for travel. It’s crucial to talk to someone who can help you navigate these emotions and develop coping strategies.
Additionally, it’s important to practice self-compassion. You are not weak for feeling this way; rather, you are human. It’s okay to acknowledge that you are struggling and to give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment. Sometimes, we can be our harshest critics, and this can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Try to treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation.
In terms of coping strategies, consider incorporating small, manageable activities into your daily routine that can help lift your mood. This could include physical activities like walking or yoga, which have been shown to improve mental health. Engaging in creative outlets, such as writing, drawing, or playing music, can also provide a release for your emotions. Even simple acts like taking a moment to breathe deeply or practicing mindfulness can help ground you in the present and reduce feelings of anxiety.
It’s also beneficial to connect with others, even if it feels challenging. Isolation can intensify negative feelings, so reaching out to friends or family, even if it’s just to share how you’re feeling, can be a powerful step. If you feel comfortable, consider joining online support groups where you can share your experiences with others who understand what you’re going through.
Lastly, remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time. Celebrate small victories, whether it’s getting out of bed, completing a task, or simply allowing yourself to feel your emotions. Over time, with the right support and strategies, it is possible to find hope and joy again.
In conclusion, while it may feel overwhelming right now, there is a path forward. Seeking professional help, practicing self-compassion, engaging in positive activities, and connecting with others can all contribute to your healing journey. You deserve support and understanding, and taking these steps can help you move toward a brighter future.
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