Struggling with Toxic Words: A Daughter's Battle with Her Mother's Verbal Abuse

Q: Struggling with Toxic Words: A Daughter's Battle with Her Mother's Verbal Abuse

Hello, online friend： It can be challenging to interact with your mother, and I understand that you are going through a tough time. <br>It's important to live your life for yourself, not just for your parents. <br>If you find it difficult to interact with her and it affects your

I can't stand my mother's words?

I cannot accept her words, such as calling me a "slut" or "chicken." I really cannot tolerate her speech.
She complains of headaches every day and goes to the hospital for check-ups, but I suspect the doctor has prescribed her pink pills for bipolar disorder.
Every time she comes back, the colors of the medications vary.
She wakes up and constantly complains, and when I can't argue back, she becomes very aggressive and calls my father to complain.
She accuses me of yelling at her, yet she starts the insults herself and doesn't allow anyone to express anger or protest.
She often brings up her astrology chart to say I'm a "chicken." I am genuinely angry; I feel furious when I retaliate and question her inability to empathize with others' feelings.
I ask her if she enjoys being insulted, but she doesn't respond and continues to question why I make friends online, calling me a "chicken." I am extremely angry; I haven't done anything to deserve such insults.

Once, she got so upset over her brother's behavior that she caused a scene and threatened to jump out of the window.
My father and I had to intervene, and the noise lasted from 7 PM to 10 PM.
After that, she was still upset with me for drying my hair, and I was nearly driven crazy by her outbursts.
At one point, she attempted to grab a fruit knife in anger, and when I pushed her away to prevent her from getting the knife, she accidentally bumped into the wall.
I was furious and threatened to make a scene, throwing the fruit knife and kitchen knife on the ground, even tossing them outside in my rage.
I was completely overwhelmed with anger.

The next day, she went with my father to a counseling center and claimed that my brother and I were behaving poorly.
I also suspect that my brother's issues stem from our mother.
I personally think he has low emotional intelligence and struggles to solve problems, preferring to use violence.
With our mother’s low EQ and the chaos at home, it has been a tumultuous environment.
He even injured me with a metal ruler because of the noise disrupting his sleep.
Because of all this, I considered going to college in Taichung, but my family thought I wanted to run away with some wild man.
I truly cannot accept this living situation; I want to escape.
I want to change my mother, but she refuses to seek psychiatric help.

For a long time, I didn't want to go home; I would rather fill my schedule to the brim than face my mother.
When I get home, I just shower and sleep, thinking about how angry I was when I took a part-time job.
I have no idea what she was thinking when she refused to help me open a bank account or sign my work contract.
Since I am under 20, I need a legal guardian, but no matter how I pleaded, she kept delaying it from the beginning of the month to the end.
It was only after a lawyer persuaded her that she finally agreed to sign.
I feel like they are bullying me because I am a minor.
I believe this behavior is abnormal.
I am 19 years old, yet I have no personal space.
My mother even calls me useless.
I think she is unwilling to give me space, yet she goes out and talks about others, claiming it's concern, but I don't see it that way.
Concern for someone doesn't involve verbal abuse or insults.
She would never call someone a "slut" or "chicken." She is always bothered by my dating life.
I ask, what college student doesn't date? I think she has conservative views and cannot accept it, but that doesn't give her the right to insult me.
Moreover, my boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship; what is she so upset about? Nothing has even happened! So I really cannot accept her words! What she says has nothing to do with concern.

Yu, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/07/09

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Hello, online friend: It can be challenging to interact with your mother, and I understand that you are going through a tough time.
It's important to live your life for yourself, not just for your parents.
If you find it difficult to interact with her and it affects your emotions, I suggest reducing the frequency of your visits.
If your financial situation allows, consider moving out and meeting her occasionally instead.
If your emotions are too overwhelming, I recommend seeking psychological therapy and listening to expert advice while discussing your feelings.
Stay strong! Dr.
Wu Enliang

Reply Date: 2021/07/09

More Info

The situation you are describing involves a complex interplay of emotional distress, verbal abuse, and mental health concerns. It is evident that you are experiencing significant turmoil due to your mother's behavior, which includes derogatory language and emotional outbursts. This kind of verbal abuse can have profound effects on mental health, leading to feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness.

Firstly, it is important to recognize that verbal abuse, such as name-calling and derogatory remarks, can be damaging to one's self-esteem and mental well-being. Terms like "贱人" (slut) and "鸡" (prostitute) are not just hurtful; they can also create a toxic environment that fosters resentment and emotional pain. This kind of language can lead to a cycle of conflict, where the victim feels compelled to retaliate, further escalating the situation.

Your mother's behavior may be influenced by her own mental health issues, as you mentioned her frequent visits to the hospital and the possibility of her being prescribed medication for bipolar disorder. It is crucial to understand that mental health conditions can significantly affect a person's behavior and emotional responses. If she is struggling with her mental health, it may explain some of her erratic and aggressive behavior. However, this does not excuse her actions or the impact they have on you.

In situations like this, it is essential to establish boundaries. You have every right to protect your mental health and well-being. Engaging in arguments or retaliating with anger may provide temporary relief but often exacerbates the situation. Instead, consider finding a calm moment to express how her words affect you. Use "I" statements to communicate your feelings, such as "I feel hurt when I hear those words," rather than accusatory language that may provoke further conflict.

Additionally, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial for both you and your mother. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore these dynamics and develop healthier communication strategies. If your mother is resistant to seeking help, you might consider individual therapy for yourself to process your feelings and develop coping mechanisms.

It is also worth noting that your desire to escape the situation by planning to move away for college is a valid response to the stress you are experiencing. However, it is essential to address the underlying issues rather than solely relying on physical distance as a solution. Building a support network of friends, mentors, or counselors can help you navigate this challenging period.

In summary, your mother's verbal abuse is unacceptable, and it is understandable that you feel angry and hurt. Establishing boundaries, seeking professional help, and finding constructive ways to communicate your feelings are crucial steps in addressing this situation. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and taking care of your mental health is paramount.

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