and Addressing Children's Psychological Issues in Social Play

Pediatric psychological issues

Hello Dr.
Wang,
My child is currently over 5 years old and has some psychological issues I would like to consult you about.

1.
When my child plays with several other children, there is one child who has two hula hoops and is willing to lend them to my child and a little girl.
However, my child immediately responds that he does not want to borrow one.
Yet, when the little girl borrows one to play, my child tries to take it from her and asks the other child to lend another one to the little girl.
I would like to ask what might be my child's mindset in this situation and how can I correct this behavior?
2.
When my child is playing with a group of children, there is a boy of similar age who goes around telling other children not to play with my child.
How should I handle this situation? I find that child's attitude questionable, but I won't discuss that for now.
I would like to know how I can help my child integrate into social groups, as he will need to live in a community in the future.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my questions.

Liang ge haizi de ma, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2003/07/14

Dr. Wang Houzhong reply Psychiatry

1.
This is a common phenomenon of sibling rivalry among young children.
When they see a toy they didn't want suddenly being desired by a sibling, they tend to snatch it away.
When parents praise the sibling, the child may question why they are not receiving praise.
The principle of handling this situation is to strive for fairness, but it is also important to stand firm when necessary and correct unreasonable behavior in children.
Parents should not lose their stance just because a child is crying or throwing a tantrum.
2.
You can ask the child why they acted that way and whether there was a prior conflict.
If there was, it should be resolved with the help of a teacher or the other child's parents.
If there wasn't, you can explain to the child: "If you wanted to play with someone and someone else was interrupting, would you feel upset?" Usually, when children think about it from this perspective, there will be improvement.
The interaction patterns of children within a group are greatly influenced by their temperament, and significant changes in this behavior are not easy to achieve.

Reply Date: 2003/07/14

More Info

Understanding and addressing children's psychological issues in social play is crucial for their development and integration into peer groups. Based on the scenarios presented, we can analyze the child's behavior and suggest strategies for improvement.

1. Understanding the Child's Behavior
The first scenario involves a five-year-old child who initially refuses to borrow a hula hoop from a peer but later attempts to take it from a sibling. This behavior can be attributed to several factors:
- Possessiveness and Competition: At this age, children often exhibit possessive behavior over toys and may feel competitive, especially when they see others wanting what they have. This is a normal part of development, as children are learning about sharing and social interactions.

- Social Dynamics: The child may not fully understand the concept of sharing or may feel insecure about their place in the social hierarchy. When they see their sibling wanting the hula hoop, it may trigger a sense of competition, leading them to act possessively.

- Emotional Regulation: Young children often struggle with regulating their emotions and impulses. The desire to control the situation may stem from feelings of insecurity or fear of being left out.

Strategies for Improvement
To guide the child towards more positive social interactions, consider the following strategies:
- Modeling Sharing Behavior: Demonstrate sharing and taking turns during playtime. Use phrases like, "Let's take turns with the hula hoop," to reinforce the concept of sharing.

- Praise Positive Interactions: When the child shares or plays cooperatively, offer praise and positive reinforcement. This encourages them to repeat those behaviors.

- Discuss Feelings: Engage the child in conversations about feelings. Ask them how they feel when someone else wants to play with a toy and help them articulate their emotions.

- Set Clear Expectations: Establish rules for playdates, such as taking turns and sharing. Consistent reinforcement of these rules can help the child understand the importance of cooperation.

2. Addressing Peer Exclusion
In the second scenario, the child faces exclusion from peers due to another child's influence. This situation can be particularly challenging and may affect the child's self-esteem and social development.

- Understanding Peer Dynamics: Children often navigate complex social hierarchies, and exclusion can stem from various factors, including jealousy, misunderstandings, or group dynamics. It's essential to understand that this behavior is not uncommon in childhood.

- Open Communication: Encourage the child to express their feelings about being excluded. Validate their emotions and reassure them that it's okay to feel upset or confused.

- Role-Playing: Engage in role-playing scenarios where the child can practice responding to exclusion. This can help them develop coping strategies and improve their social skills.

- Encourage Friendships: Help the child build friendships with other peers who share similar interests. Arrange playdates with children who are kind and inclusive, fostering a supportive social environment.

- Involve Adults: If the exclusion continues, consider discussing the situation with the child's teacher or caregivers. They can monitor interactions and intervene if necessary to promote a more inclusive environment.

Conclusion
Children's psychological issues in social play often reflect their developmental stage and emotional understanding. By modeling positive behaviors, encouraging open communication, and fostering supportive peer relationships, parents and caregivers can help children navigate social challenges effectively. It's essential to remain patient and understanding, as these skills take time to develop. If concerns persist, seeking guidance from a child psychologist or counselor can provide additional support and strategies tailored to the child's needs.

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