My Mental Health Struggles: A Journey Through Trauma

Regarding my mental health status?

On July 7, 2019, I was assaulted by my boss (when I was 16 and 17 years old).
On April 11, 2020, I experienced domestic violence and was scammed.
From July 7, 2019, to April 11, 2020, I lived in a haze, enduring a six-month nightmare (mostly related to sexual assault).
I engaged in self-harm daily and sought help at clinics and large hospitals, but ultimately gave up on follow-up appointments.
I then tried to stabilize myself and worked hard to improve my life, which seemed to have some effect.
However, I occasionally feel sudden anxiety and fear about many unnecessary things, even experiencing insomnia that lasts until morning.

Starting in September 2021, due to excessive pressure from my boss at work, I was unable to cope, and many old issues resurfaced, including nightmares.
My temper became increasingly volatile, and I began to take my anger out on family and friends.
I felt unable to express my struggles because I had previously complained too often, leading many people to distance themselves from me.
Therefore, I chose to remain silent, but this only made me feel like my symptoms were worsening.

I experience not only anxiety but also palpitations and trembling, which occur sporadically.
During times of intense sadness, anger, and a mix of complex emotions, especially when I can't sleep, I subconsciously engage in self-harm.
When I wake up, I often forget why I did it, but after some time, I remember.
I frequently forget many things, and it takes a long time for me to recall them, which is not how I used to be.
Now, I even find myself planning when I want to leave this world, but I still remind myself not to do that.

Do I really need to see a doctor? Can you tell me what symptoms I am experiencing right now?

Rui, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/09/02

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

It is highly recommended by netizens to seek medical attention, as it may be post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Dr.
Wu Enliang.

Reply Date: 2022/09/02

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense struggles you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a series of traumatic events that have significantly impacted your mental health. Your experiences of sexual assault, domestic violence, and the subsequent challenges you've encountered, such as anxiety, self-harm, and sleep disturbances, are serious and warrant attention.

From what you've described, it seems you may be experiencing symptoms consistent with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, and possibly depression. PTSD can occur after experiencing or witnessing traumatic events, and it often manifests through flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. The feelings of anger, irritability, and emotional numbness you mentioned could also be linked to this condition.

Your self-harm behaviors are particularly concerning. They often serve as a coping mechanism for overwhelming emotional pain, but they can lead to further distress and complications. It's important to recognize that while these behaviors might provide temporary relief, they do not address the underlying issues and can create a cycle of pain and regret.

The feelings of anxiety and panic, such as heart palpitations and trembling, are also common in anxiety disorders. These symptoms can be exacerbated by stressors in your life, such as work-related pressures. It’s understandable that you might feel overwhelmed, especially when past traumas resurface during stressful times.

You mentioned that you have sought help in the past but eventually stopped attending appointments. This is not uncommon; many people find it difficult to continue therapy, especially if they feel it’s not helping or if they fear being a burden to others. However, it's crucial to understand that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Mental health professionals are trained to help individuals navigate through their pain and can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your needs.

Given the severity of your symptoms and the impact they have on your daily life, I strongly encourage you to consider seeking professional help again. A mental health professional can offer a safe space to discuss your feelings and experiences without judgment. They can also help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and work through the trauma you’ve experienced.

Therapeutic options may include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is effective for anxiety and PTSD, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), specifically designed to help individuals process traumatic memories. Medication may also be an option to help manage symptoms of anxiety and depression, but this should be discussed with a psychiatrist.

In the meantime, it might be beneficial to engage in self-care practices that promote emotional well-being. This could include mindfulness exercises, journaling, or engaging in physical activities that you enjoy. Connecting with supportive friends or family members, even if it feels challenging, can also provide some relief.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are people who want to help you. Your life is valuable, and there is hope for healing and recovery. Please take care of yourself, and consider reaching out for the support you deserve.

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