Overcoming Fear of Shopping: A Guide for College Students with Anxiety

Excessive fear when shopping?

Hello, doctor.
This issue has been bothering me for quite some time, but I'm not sure if it's a form of social anxiety.
I am a college student and I engage in online work that requires communication with others.
My social life at school is relatively okay; although I don't have many close friends, I do have a group of people I can interact with.
However, I have been extremely afraid of shopping or having one-on-one conversations in service settings since I was young.
It sounds a bit ridiculous, but I can manage giving presentations or talking to strangers at school as long as I have prepared notes in advance.
Yet, when it comes to tasks like checking out, I just can't handle it.
It wasn't until I entered college that I dared to go to convenience stores like 7-Eleven or FamilyMart by myself, and even then, I could only go to specific familiar stores.
It took me a year or two of going back and forth with friends to finally feel comfortable doing so.
I still can't manage ordering at places like McDonald's or MOS Burger, where I need to speak to the staff.
The only time I went to McDonald's alone was when friends invited me for a late-night snack, and I was chosen to buy food.
I was too scared to tell anyone about my fear of talking to the staff, fearing ridicule, so I went through it nervously.
I prepared for a long time, wrote down my lines, and practiced them repeatedly.
But when I stood at the counter, the words were on the tip of my tongue, yet I couldn't make a sound.
I couldn't hear what the staff said either, and in the end, I had to use my trembling hands to pull out the prepared note to successfully place my order.
Since then, my fear of this action has only intensified, and I haven't gone out to eat with friends again because I'm terrified of being the one designated to handle the payment.
Shopping is a necessary life skill, but I am extremely afraid of it and don't know how to cope, which severely affects my life.
I've never shopped online because it's impossible for me to say my phone number or the words "I want to pick up my order." My daily life consists only of preparing essential items and food, which is the bare minimum for living.
I don't dare to buy movie tickets, so I've never been to a cinema.
I also don't know what places are fun to visit when friends discuss them because I can't possibly go shopping.
I once considered seeing a psychologist, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I'm too afraid of face-to-face conversations.
I worry that I might not be able to speak and would waste someone else's time.
Yet, paradoxically, I can discuss academic matters and projects with my professors (the anxiety and pressure I face in those situations are significantly lower, and although I might stutter a bit, I can still communicate well).
I can't figure out why I am so terrified in these situations, nor do I know how to overcome it.
A year ago, a friend included me in a dinner reservation at a restaurant where I would have to talk to the staff.
I was so anxious for weeks that I developed stomach pain and couldn't eat anything, which led to me getting sick with vomiting and diarrhea (in the end, I didn't go, so I escaped that situation).
I feel very sorry for them, and I rarely participate in their activities.
I feel like I'm drifting away from them, yet I can sense that they still want to connect with me.
However, when I explained my situation, they, like previous friends, couldn't understand or imagine how someone who has no problem making friends or discussing academics could be afraid of these things.
Human emotions are inherently difficult to relate to.
People say that practice makes perfect, but even after months of buying things at the same 7-Eleven, I still can't handle going to a different one, and I feel useless.
Life feels very exhausting.
Why can others accomplish small tasks that I just can't? This has also led to some depressive tendencies in me; I sometimes self-harm and often think about how I feel so out of place in this world, feeling unworthy of living.
I constantly think about suicide as a form of relief, but at the same time, I find this version of myself laughable.
I haven't experienced anything particularly traumatic, so why am I so afraid? Everyone has a fear of talking to strangers, but for me, it seems to be magnified hundreds of times.
I am also very annoyed by this fear and the way it controls me.
I would like to ask how I can psychologically adjust so that it doesn't affect my daily life so much.
I mainly hope to overcome this on my own, or is there a real need for medical intervention? Thank you very much for taking the time to respond.

lee, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/10/16

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
It seems that this situation has been troubling you for many years.
You have also been trying to overcome it in the way you prefer (by relying on yourself), but it appears that the results have not been significant.
I still recommend that you consult a mental health professional at a psychiatric clinic to facilitate an improvement in your condition.
If it is temporarily inconvenient for you to seek in-person treatment, you can first utilize the 1925 mental health hotline for similar online counseling, which should be helpful.

Reply Date: 2022/10/16

More Info

Overcoming the fear of shopping, especially for college students dealing with anxiety, can be a significant challenge. Your experience resonates with many individuals who face similar social anxieties, particularly in situations that require direct interaction with others, such as making purchases or ordering food. It’s important to recognize that what you’re feeling is not uncommon, and there are strategies to help you manage and overcome these fears.

Firstly, it’s essential to understand that your anxiety may stem from a fear of judgment or making mistakes in social situations. This is often referred to as social anxiety disorder, which can manifest in various ways, including the fear of speaking to strangers, making phone calls, or even engaging in everyday tasks like shopping. The physical symptoms you experience, such as trembling or feeling overwhelmed, are common physiological responses to anxiety.

One effective approach to overcoming this fear is gradual exposure. This involves slowly and systematically exposing yourself to the situations that cause you anxiety in a controlled manner. For instance, you might start by practicing what you want to say before going to a store. You could rehearse your order or the phrases you need to use. This preparation can help build your confidence.
Start with small, manageable goals. For example, if you feel comfortable at a familiar store, try to make a purchase there first. Once you feel more at ease, gradually challenge yourself to visit new stores or engage in more complex transactions. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, as this will reinforce positive experiences and help reduce anxiety over time.

Additionally, consider using relaxation techniques to manage anxiety symptoms. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and grounding techniques can help calm your mind and body before and during stressful situations. For instance, before entering a store, take a few deep breaths, focusing on inhaling and exhaling slowly. This can help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety and make you feel more centered.

It’s also beneficial to talk about your feelings with someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or counselor. Sharing your experiences can provide relief and help you feel less isolated. If you find that your anxiety is significantly impacting your daily life, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be a valuable step. They can provide you with tailored strategies and support to address your specific fears.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for social anxiety. CBT helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to your anxiety. A therapist can guide you through this process, helping you reframe your thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Lastly, it’s crucial to practice self-compassion. Understand that overcoming anxiety is a journey, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Be kind to yourself and recognize that progress takes time. Celebrate your efforts and remind yourself that it’s perfectly okay to seek help when needed.

In summary, overcoming the fear of shopping involves a combination of gradual exposure, relaxation techniques, open communication, and possibly professional support. By taking small steps and being patient with yourself, you can gradually reduce your anxiety and improve your ability to engage in everyday activities. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle, and there are resources available to help you navigate your fears.

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