Depression: A High School Student's Struggles and Questions

Some questions about depression?

Hello, doctor.
I am a high school freshman.
When I was in the ninth grade, I wasn't sure if I was diagnosed with depression, but my parents believed that my temporary depression was due to the stress of the entrance exams.
After the exams, I stopped seeing the doctor, but I still had some leftover medication.
I took a break after the exams, but it seems that I started taking the medication again during the summer tutoring session before my first year of high school.
I mainly take Paroxetine, and for sleeping pills, I use Zolpidem.
On the last day of summer tutoring, I woke up with a particularly fast heartbeat, but since I had experienced this symptom before in ninth grade, I didn't pay much attention to it and took the school bus to school as usual.
However, once I arrived at school, I realized that something was seriously wrong; I felt extremely dizzy and experienced intermittent sharp pains.
I went to the health room, and after explaining my condition to the nurse, I unexpectedly started crying.
I didn't know why this happened.
Our homeroom teacher was surprised to see me like that, but I wasn't crying out of discomfort, which confused me even more.
In the end, I went to the emergency room, but nothing was found during the examination.
Now that school has started, I feel like my condition has not improved at all; in fact, it seems to be getting worse.
I often casually mention to my mom that I might need to see a doctor again, but she seems to think I'm joking and keeps telling me that I'm fine.
My sleep quality is poor, and sometimes I suddenly burst into tears.
I constantly feel like screaming, but I don't know why.
In the past, I only needed to take a quarter of a sleeping pill, but sometimes when I'm feeling out of it, I take two pills at once.
I don't know what's wrong with me because my previous therapist seemed to focus on family issues, and I don't know why I feel unable to share all my feelings with the therapist.
So, I also stopped therapy before the entrance exams.

1.
Is my condition a relapse, or did I never really get better?
2.
Is it normal for my memory, which used to be excellent, to now forget things even when I just stand up to grab something? Will I be able to recover to my previous state?
3.
I have very little medication left.
Should I schedule a follow-up appointment or just leave it as it is?
4.
Is hitting myself considered a form of self-harm?
5.
I seem to have had suicidal thoughts since elementary school.
Is this normal?
Thank you for patiently reading my disorganized narrative and questions.
I appreciate your hard work!

Xingyun, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/11/15

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
The text reveals long-term negative emotional behaviors.
Continuous treatment is necessary: 1.
Regardless of whether it is considered a relapse, your condition requires ongoing monitoring to maintain long-term stability.
2.
Memory can recover once stability is achieved, so please rest assured.
3.
It is recommended to return for follow-up visits.
If you wish to discontinue or reduce medication after achieving stability, it should be discussed with your physician.
4.
This can be considered a form of self-harm.
Please value yourself.
Your reaching out indicates a desire to improve your condition.
Additionally, I suggest you call the 1925 mental health hotline for online counseling, which may be beneficial.

Reply Date: 2022/11/15

More Info

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences and concerns. It’s clear that you’re going through a very challenging time, and I commend you for seeking help and trying to understand your feelings. Let’s address your questions one by one, and I’ll provide some additional context regarding depression and mental health.

1. Is my situation a relapse, or did I never truly recover?
From what you’ve described, it sounds like you may be experiencing a recurrence of depressive symptoms. Depression can often be cyclical, with periods of improvement followed by relapses, especially when triggered by stressors such as academic pressure or family dynamics. It’s important to recognize that recovery from depression is not always linear; some individuals may find themselves facing similar challenges again, even after a period of feeling better. This does not mean you have failed; rather, it indicates that your mental health needs ongoing attention and care.

2. Is it normal to forget things?
Cognitive difficulties, such as memory issues, can be a common symptom of depression. When someone is experiencing depression, their ability to concentrate and remember can be significantly impacted. This is often referred to as "depressive cognitive dysfunction." It’s crucial to understand that these symptoms can improve with appropriate treatment, including therapy and medication. However, if you notice a significant decline in your cognitive abilities, it’s worth discussing this with a healthcare professional.

3. Should I return to see a doctor about my medication?
Given that you’re experiencing worsening symptoms and have concerns about your medication, it would be advisable to consult with a healthcare provider. Stopping medication abruptly or not addressing your mental health needs can lead to further complications. A doctor can help assess your current situation, adjust your medication if necessary, and provide support tailored to your needs. It’s important to communicate openly with your doctor about your feelings and experiences.

4. Is self-harm, like hitting oneself, considered self-injury?
Yes, self-harm can take many forms, including physical harm to oneself, such as hitting or cutting. It’s often a way for individuals to cope with overwhelming emotions or distress. If you find yourself engaging in self-harm, it’s crucial to seek help immediately. There are healthier coping mechanisms and therapeutic strategies that can help you manage your emotions without resorting to self-injury.

5. Is it normal to have suicidal thoughts from a young age?
Having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, especially from a young age, is concerning and should be taken seriously. It’s not uncommon for individuals with depression to experience these thoughts, but it’s essential to seek help. These feelings can be indicative of underlying mental health issues that require professional intervention. Please reach out to a trusted adult, counselor, or mental health professional who can provide support and guidance.

In addition to addressing your specific questions, I want to emphasize the importance of seeking professional help. Therapy can be a safe space to express your feelings and work through your experiences. It’s understandable to feel hesitant about sharing your emotions, but a good therapist will create a supportive environment for you to explore these feelings without judgment.

Moreover, consider reaching out to trusted friends or family members about your struggles. Sometimes, having a support system can make a significant difference in how you cope with your emotions.

Lastly, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many individuals face similar challenges, and with the right support and treatment, it is possible to feel better and regain control over your life. Please take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to seek help when you need it.

Wishing you strength and healing,
Doctor Q&A Teams

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