Overcoming Trauma: A Journey Through Mental Health and Revenge - Psychiatry

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It sounds like you are grappling with a complex mix of emotions stemming from past trauma, feelings of revenge, and the challenges of managing your mental health. Your experiences with bullying, the loss of your mother, and the ongoing struggles with your mental health condition, such as schizophrenia, have understandably left a significant impact on your life. It is commendable that you are seeking to understand and address these feelings, especially as you prepare for an important exam.

First and foremost, it is crucial to acknowledge that the feelings of anger and the desire for revenge you are experiencing are not uncommon among individuals who have faced significant trauma and bullying. These feelings can often be a response to the pain and helplessness that comes from being victimized. However, it is essential to recognize that acting on these feelings can lead to further harm—not just to others, but also to yourself. Engaging in revenge can perpetuate a cycle of violence and negativity, ultimately hindering your own healing process.

The loss of your mother to cancer, especially under circumstances that you feel were influenced by your adversaries, adds another layer of grief and anger to your situation. Grief can manifest in various ways, including anger, guilt, and a sense of injustice. It is important to allow yourself to grieve and to process these feelings in a healthy manner. This might involve talking about your feelings with a mental health professional who can help you navigate the complexities of your emotions and experiences.

You mentioned that you have been taking medication regularly, which is a positive step towards managing your mental health. Medication can help stabilize your mood and reduce symptoms, allowing you to think more clearly and make decisions that are in your best interest. However, medication alone may not be sufficient. Engaging in therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings of anger and revenge, as well as help you develop healthier thought patterns and behaviors.

In addition to therapy, finding constructive outlets for your emotions is crucial. While you noted that you do not have a regular exercise routine, incorporating physical activity into your daily life can be beneficial for both your mental and physical health. Exercise has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve mood, and provide a sense of accomplishment. Even short walks or simple home workouts can make a difference.

You also mentioned feeling isolated and lacking social support. Building connections with others can be challenging, especially when you have experienced betrayal and bullying. However, seeking out supportive communities, whether through support groups, online forums, or local organizations, can help you feel less alone. Surrounding yourself with understanding individuals can provide a sense of belonging and help you heal from past wounds.

Lastly, it is essential to focus on your goals, such as preparing for your national exam. While it is natural to have doubts about your abilities, setting realistic and achievable goals can help you regain a sense of control over your life. Celebrate small victories along the way, and remember that your worth is not defined by your past or by the opinions of others.

In summary, while the feelings of revenge and anger are understandable given your experiences, it is vital to channel those emotions into positive actions that promote healing and growth. Seeking professional help, engaging in physical activity, building supportive relationships, and focusing on your goals can all contribute to your journey towards overcoming trauma and improving your mental health. Remember, healing is a process, and it is okay to seek help along the way.