Dual Perspectives in Mental Health: A Father's Plea for Help

Q: Dual Perspectives in Mental Health: A Father's Plea for Help

Hello： This is the first time I encountered two parties asking me questions simultaneously in an online clinic—one is a child filled with resentment towards their parents, and the other is a helpless father unsure of how to interact with their child. <br>Each has their own perspe

"Can doctors have two sides to their story?" The girl's response: "My father's perspective!"

Hello Dr.
Lin, I am the father of the girl titled "Can Doctors Have Two Sides?" (30 years old).
Both my wife and I are public servants; my wife is a junior high school English teacher, and I am an engineer at Chunghwa Telecom.
After getting married, we established our own family and have one son and one daughter, whom we have always doted on since they were young.
My daughter has been quite domineering since childhood, as she is the youngest, and everyone tends to accommodate her in both big and small matters, just like in any typical family.

Last October, after her brother got married and brought his wife into our home, within two months, she claimed that her sister-in-law was provoking her by taking her cards and books and invading her space on the chair, among other things.
She began to ignore her sister-in-law and made dismissive gestures towards her.
When her mother saw this, she scolded her a bit, and the next day, she attempted suicide by cutting her wrist.
Her brother and sister-in-law, feeling helpless, moved out to start their own family.

This situation should have ended there, but instead, she blamed us.
For over a year, my wife and I have been in deep distress.
First, we wanted to take her to see a doctor, but she refused and claimed that we were the ones who needed to see a doctor.
This time, we consulted a doctor out of our own pocket, and only after we went did she agree to go.
In fact, it was the doctor’s first consultation, and no conclusions had been reached yet.
Dr.
Lin, as parents of a 30-year-old girl whom we supported through college and even gave a third of our finances, do you think we need to literally show her our hearts to prove that we love her? Dr.
Lin, we truly do not know what to do!

Nǚ hái zhī fù qīn, 60~69 year old female. Ask Date: 2003/12/15

Dr. Lin Yanhong reply Psychiatry

Hello: This is the first time I encountered two parties asking me questions simultaneously in an online clinic—one is a child filled with resentment towards their parents, and the other is a helpless father unsure of how to interact with their child.
Each has their own perspective.
To be honest, I cannot tell you what to do at this moment.
However, do you know the reason why your daughter hates you so much? If what you described is accurate, your daughter does have certain psychological issues that need to be addressed.
Continuing family therapy could be a viable option, but it requires time and financial resources.
Nevertheless, investing in this for the potential improvement of both parties is worthwhile.
Since a diagnosis and treatment cannot be conducted online, I hope that since you have already had discussions, you will continue to make efforts.
Dr.
Lin

Reply Date: 2003/12/15

More Info

Dear concerned parent,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your family's situation. It sounds like you are navigating a very challenging and emotionally charged environment with your daughter. Mental health issues can be complex, and it’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to proceed.

From what you’ve described, your daughter appears to be struggling with significant emotional distress, which has manifested in extreme behaviors, including self-harm. This is a serious concern and indicates that she may be experiencing underlying mental health issues that require professional intervention. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding, as well as a willingness to seek help.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that mental health issues can often lead to distorted perceptions of reality. Your daughter’s feelings of being threatened or attacked by her sister-in-law, as well as her subsequent actions, may stem from deeper emotional or psychological struggles. These could include feelings of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, or unresolved issues from her upbringing. The fact that she has resorted to self-harm is particularly alarming and suggests that she may be in a state of crisis.

In terms of your approach, here are several strategies that may help:
1. Open Communication: Create a safe space for your daughter to express her feelings without fear of judgment. Let her know that you are there to listen and support her. It’s important to validate her feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them.

2. Encourage Professional Help: While it’s clear that your daughter is resistant to seeking help, it’s essential to continue encouraging her to see a mental health professional. You might consider framing it as a way for her to gain insight into her feelings and behaviors rather than as a sign of weakness or illness. Sometimes, suggesting that family therapy could benefit everyone involved may make her more receptive to the idea.

3. Model Healthy Behavior: As parents, it’s important to model healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation. Share your own feelings and how you manage stress and conflict. This can help her see that it’s okay to seek help and that everyone struggles at times.

4. Set Boundaries: While it’s important to be supportive, it’s equally crucial to set boundaries regarding unacceptable behavior. If her actions are harmful to herself or others, it’s necessary to communicate that such behavior cannot be tolerated. This can be a difficult balance, but it’s essential for the well-being of the entire family.

5. Educate Yourself: Understanding mental health issues can empower you to better support your daughter. Consider reading about common mental health disorders, their symptoms, and treatment options. This knowledge can help you approach conversations with empathy and insight.

6. Seek Support for Yourself: Caring for a loved one with mental health issues can be exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s important to seek support for yourself as well, whether through counseling, support groups, or trusted friends. This can help you maintain your own mental health while you navigate this challenging situation.

7. Emergency Situations: If your daughter expresses suicidal thoughts or engages in self-harm again, it’s critical to seek immediate help. This could involve contacting a mental health crisis line or taking her to the emergency room. Safety must always be the top priority.

In conclusion, while it may feel like you are facing an uphill battle, remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your love and concern for your daughter are evident, and with the right support and intervention, there is hope for healing and recovery. It may take time, patience, and persistence, but your family can work through this together.

Best wishes to you and your family during this difficult time.

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