Navigating Grief and Mental Health: A Personal Journey of Loss and Reflection

Regarding personal issues?

Hello, doctor.
I'm not sure if my inquiries in the Taiwan e-Hospital's Q&A database have been documented, so I want to avoid redundancy.
I apologize for bothering the doctors at Taiwan e-Hospital again.
Since my mother passed away, I often feel down and frequently think about how wonderful it would be if she were still alive.
Perhaps I could talk to her about life and work regularly...
My mother was an elder and had more life experiences than I did, so I could have consulted her for advice and conversation...
It's been fifteen years since my mother passed away, and I still miss her from time to time! The reality is that my mother cannot accompany me for a lifetime.
She passed away from cancer when I was just 27! I have been on psychiatric medication and dealing with illness for over 20 years! Looking back to my time in night school, a classmate once told me that since we were in night school, we wouldn't amount to much! Perhaps if I had taken his words to heart, my mother wouldn't have passed away so early, and I wouldn't have faced the hardships that led to my current situation! I attended night school out of spite due to my adversaries! During those three years in vocational school, I learned nothing substantial, only basic maintenance skills.
Maybe if things had been different back then, the tragic outcomes could have been avoided! A few years ago, I worked as a contracted cleaner in a government office and envied the civil servants, so I enrolled in a cram school to take the civil service exam.
However, my results were dismal! Coupled with my job and various household responsibilities, I hardly had time to study, and I couldn't focus! I ended up wasting both my cram school fees and time! If I had known I would become a cleaner, I wouldn't have pursued further education; I could have just settled for a general vocational school diploma.
I feel like I've wasted so many resources and time! I can no longer think clearly about what I should do next.
When my mother was alive, she could provide me with guidance and direction, but now I have no one.
Additionally, I have a mental illness, which makes it difficult for me to think about the next steps like a normal person would.
To be honest, in my current job, once I can no longer physically perform, the company will let me go.
What will I do if I haven't reached retirement age by then? Moreover, times are changing, and life is becoming increasingly difficult; the pressure only seems to grow! If I were to take the civil service exam, in terms of qualifications and studying, I am not as capable as others! The only advantage of becoming a civil servant would be a slightly easier life, rather than working as a cleaner, which is exhausting and never-ending...! Some days, I truly feel very tired! But for the sake of living, I don't fear exhaustion; I fear not being able to make ends meet, which would be even more exhausting! I am already 43 years old, reflecting on the past and contemplating the future.
Perhaps there is no future to speak of! It feels like a mundane life.
Maybe I should have disregarded unpalatable advice back in vocational school.
I should have realized back then that I was just a pawn and not pursued futile developments.

Jason, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/07/15

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

There is always a way out, even in difficult times.
If you are facing challenges, reach out to your loved ones, friends, or doctors to discuss your concerns and find direction in life.
Keep going! Dr.
Wu Enliang

Reply Date: 2023/07/15

More Info

Navigating grief and mental health can be an incredibly challenging journey, especially when compounded by feelings of regret and loss. Your experience of mourning your mother's passing, which occurred fifteen years ago, highlights the profound impact that grief can have on one's mental well-being. It's important to recognize that grief is not a linear process; it can resurface unexpectedly, often triggered by memories or significant life events.

The feelings of sadness and longing for your mother are completely natural. Many people find themselves reflecting on what could have been, especially when they lose someone who played a significant role in their lives. The desire to seek advice and share experiences with a loved one who has passed is a testament to the bond you shared. However, it’s crucial to understand that while these feelings are valid, they can also lead to a cycle of negative thinking that may exacerbate feelings of depression.

Your mention of having taken psychiatric medication for over twenty years indicates that you have been navigating mental health challenges for a significant portion of your life. It’s commendable that you are seeking help and trying to understand your feelings. However, it’s also essential to ensure that you are receiving the appropriate support. If you feel that your current treatment is not effective, it may be beneficial to consult with a mental health professional who can reassess your situation and possibly adjust your treatment plan.

The regrets you express about your educational and career choices are also common among individuals who are grieving or struggling with mental health issues. It’s easy to fall into the trap of "what if" thinking, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. Remember that your past choices do not define your worth or your future. Life is full of opportunities for growth and change, regardless of age or past experiences.
Consider exploring new avenues for personal development that align with your interests and strengths. This could involve taking courses, volunteering, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Building a support network, whether through friends, family, or community groups, can also provide a sense of belonging and help alleviate feelings of isolation.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can be beneficial. Mindfulness encourages you to stay present and acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Self-compassion allows you to treat yourself with kindness, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges.
As you reflect on your past and contemplate your future, it may be helpful to set small, achievable goals. This could be as simple as dedicating time each week to learn something new or reaching out to someone for support. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remember that healing is a journey that takes time.

Lastly, if you find yourself overwhelmed by feelings of despair or hopelessness, please reach out for immediate support. Crisis hotlines and mental health professionals can provide assistance and guidance during difficult times. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate through your grief and mental health challenges.
In summary, while the journey through grief and mental health struggles can be daunting, it is possible to find a path forward. By seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and setting achievable goals, you can begin to create a more hopeful and fulfilling future.

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