Father's emotional fluctuations?
My dad often explodes over trivial matters.
I try to ask him to calm down and talk things over, but it usually doesn't help; he ends up saying hurtful and extremely vulgar things.
Once, in a fit of rage, he threw a box at home, which scared me so much that I quickly locked my bedroom door.
As a result, I experienced insomnia, trembling, and gastrointestinal discomfort.
After that incident, he left home for a day or two.
Another time, while driving, he abruptly got out of the driver's seat and left my mom and me on the side of the road, which made me cry uncontrollably.
Most recently, during a drive, he yelled and acted as if he would crash the car.
I researched and found that it resembles intermittent explosive disorder, but he insists that he is just experiencing normal emotional fluctuations and refuses to see a doctor.
What should I do? Thank you.
Niming, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/10/11
Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry
Hello.
You can explain to your dad that seeking medical help is just for consultation and not necessarily for treatment.
You can express that you are experiencing mental and emotional distress and would like to see a psychiatrist.
It might help to suggest that you would like him to accompany you to the appointment.
Reply Date: 2023/10/11
More Info
Dealing with a parent who exhibits symptoms of Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) can be incredibly challenging and distressing. Your experiences of fear, anxiety, and physical symptoms like insomnia and gastrointestinal issues are valid responses to the volatile environment created by your father's explosive behavior. It is important to recognize that while you may feel helpless in this situation, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and potentially encourage your father to seek help.
Intermittent Explosive Disorder is characterized by recurrent episodes of impulsive aggression, which can manifest as verbal outbursts, physical aggression, or destruction of property. These episodes are often disproportionate to the situation that triggered them. Individuals with IED may not recognize the severity of their behavior, which can lead to denial and resistance to seeking treatment. This aligns with your father's belief that his emotional responses are normal.
Here are some strategies you can consider to cope with your father's behavior and protect your own mental health:
1. Establish Boundaries: It is crucial to set clear boundaries regarding what behavior you will tolerate. Communicate these boundaries calmly and assertively when your father is not in a heightened emotional state. For example, you might say, "I cannot engage in conversations when you are yelling. I will step away until you are calm."
2. Create a Safety Plan: Given the potential for explosive outbursts, it is wise to have a safety plan in place. Identify a safe space in your home where you can retreat if you feel threatened. Additionally, consider having a trusted friend or family member you can call if you need support during a crisis.
3. Practice Self-Care: Your mental and physical well-being is paramount. Engage in activities that help you relax and reduce stress, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies you enjoy. Prioritize sleep and maintain a healthy diet to help manage the physical symptoms you are experiencing.
4. Encourage Professional Help: While it may be difficult to convince your father to seek help, you can gently suggest that he talk to a mental health professional. Frame it as a way to improve his overall well-being rather than labeling his behavior as a disorder. You might say, "I think it could really help you to talk to someone about how you're feeling."
5. Seek Support for Yourself: Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor for yourself. They can provide you with coping strategies and a safe space to express your feelings. Support groups for individuals with similar experiences can also be beneficial.
6. Educate Yourself: Understanding IED and its effects can empower you to respond more effectively. Familiarize yourself with the symptoms, triggers, and potential treatments for IED. This knowledge can help you navigate conversations with your father and advocate for his well-being.
7. Document Incidents: Keeping a record of your father's outbursts, including dates, triggers, and your feelings during those times, can be helpful. This documentation can serve as a reference if you decide to seek professional help for him or if you need to explain the situation to others.
8. Consider Family Therapy: If your father is open to it, family therapy can provide a structured environment for addressing communication issues and exploring the underlying causes of his behavior. A therapist can facilitate discussions and help all family members express their feelings in a safe space.
In conclusion, while you cannot control your father's behavior, you can take steps to protect yourself and encourage him to seek help. Remember that your feelings are valid, and prioritizing your mental health is essential. If the situation becomes increasingly dangerous or unmanageable, do not hesitate to reach out to local authorities or mental health professionals for immediate assistance. You deserve to feel safe and supported in your home.
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