Self-Harm and Mental Health: Is It a Disorder? - Psychiatry

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It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Your feelings of anxiety, self-harm, and the complex relationship you have with your mental health are significant and deserve careful consideration.
First, it's important to understand that self-harm, including behaviors like biting your arm or exaggerating injuries, can be a coping mechanism for dealing with emotional distress. Many individuals who struggle with mental health issues, such as severe depression or anxiety, may resort to self-harm as a way to express their pain or to feel a sense of control in a situation where they feel powerless. This behavior can provide temporary relief from overwhelming feelings, but it often leads to a cycle of guilt and shame, which can exacerbate your mental health struggles.

You mentioned that you have been diagnosed with severe depression and have undergone treatment for three years. It's not uncommon for individuals with depression to experience fluctuations in their symptoms. Sometimes, people may feel that their depression is less severe, while at other times, they may feel overwhelmed by their emotions. This variability can be frustrating and confusing, especially when you are trying to gauge your progress.

The reference you made to Munchausen syndrome, where individuals feign illness for attention or to escape responsibilities, indicates a deeper level of distress. While you may not identify fully with this diagnosis, the behaviors you describe—such as fabricating illnesses to avoid reality—suggest that you are grappling with significant emotional pain. It’s crucial to address these behaviors with a mental health professional who can help you explore the underlying issues and develop healthier coping strategies.

Your inclination to avoid discussing your feelings with your doctor is understandable, but it’s essential to communicate openly about your experiences. Mental health professionals are trained to handle these discussions sensitively and without judgment. They can help you understand whether your behaviors are symptomatic of a broader issue and work with you to find healthier ways to cope with your anxiety and depression.

It's also worth noting that the feelings of wanting to escape or even thoughts of self-harm are serious and should not be taken lightly. If you ever feel that you might act on these thoughts, it's crucial to seek immediate help. This could be through a crisis hotline, a trusted friend, or a mental health professional.
In addition to seeking professional help, consider exploring support groups or communities where you can share your experiences with others who understand what you are going through. Sometimes, knowing that you are not alone in your struggles can provide a sense of relief and connection.

Lastly, I encourage you to focus on self-compassion. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of self-criticism, especially when dealing with mental health challenges. Try to remind yourself that it’s okay to seek help and that you are worthy of care and support. Recovery is a journey, and it’s perfectly acceptable to take it one step at a time.

In conclusion, your experiences are valid, and it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional who can guide you through this difficult time. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate your feelings and work towards healing.