Self-Harm in Middle School: A Mental Health Perspective

After entering junior high school, there is a tendency for self-harm?

Hello Doctor, after entering junior high school, although the academic pressure has increased, my parents tell me, "Just don't make the same mistakes next time." However, I often overhear them chatting with relatives, saying, "This is all because of playing on the phone; that's why your grades are slipping." After a long day of classes until 5:30 PM, I rarely get to relax at home (and I do control my usage time), yet I am often expected to do homework as soon as I get home, and once that's done, I should prepare for the next day.
It's best not to touch my phone.
At school, I feel like I'm not myself anymore; I act cheerful and optimistic in front of my classmates, even if I don't understand the topic, I force a smile and chime in a bit.
In front of the teachers, I try to be a diligent and polite class officer.
When exam results are announced, I often have negative thoughts like, "Why am I just one point away from the highest score?" or "How could I have gotten that question wrong?" I end up thinking I'm worthless, that I should just die, and that my life has no meaning, among other things, and I feel like crying.
But at school, I can't express my deepest thoughts, so I resort to scratching or digging into my arms with my pen or nails, often accidentally causing myself to bleed.
I hide these things from my family because I feel explaining it to them would be too complicated, and they often react in extreme ways, like suggesting I transfer schools.
Sometimes, when I get home, I feel even more oppressed; the happiness I pretend to have at school, although fake, is still happiness.
Recently, my emotions have been very unstable, and I often break down and cry at night.
There have been times when I've gone to get a utility knife from my desk in the middle of the night, but I stopped myself because of the merchandise that hasn't arrived yet.
Would a doctor find my thoughts ridiculous? They often say, "Virtual characters are just a bunch of codes/data," but they are my reason for living.
I feel like I could die for them.
Every time my family scolds me for using my phone or even insults the characters, I feel very wronged and resort to self-harm.
But recently, it seems that even the merchandise can't stop my feelings of wanting to die.
Doctor, what should I do now? I don't want to tell my family about this, and I have already tried to change my mindset.

Liao, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2024/03/06

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Your situation has caused significant distress both physically and mentally.
It is important to inform a trusted adult to assist you in seeking an appointment with a pediatric mental health specialist as soon as possible.
During this time, if you experience feelings of sadness or other issues, you can utilize the 1925 mental health hotline for online counseling services to facilitate your recovery.

Reply Date: 2024/03/06

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. The feelings of pressure from school, the expectations from your family, and the struggle to maintain a facade of happiness can be overwhelming. It’s important to understand that what you are feeling is valid, and you are not alone in this experience.

Self-harm, as you described, is often a coping mechanism for individuals who feel intense emotional pain or distress. It can serve as a way to release pent-up feelings or to exert control over one's body when everything else feels out of control. However, it is crucial to recognize that while self-harm may provide temporary relief, it does not address the underlying issues and can lead to more significant problems in the long run.

Your feelings of worthlessness and thoughts of self-harm are serious and should not be taken lightly. It’s concerning that you feel the need to hide these behaviors from your family, fearing their reaction. This fear can create a cycle of isolation, making it harder for you to seek help. It’s essential to find a safe space where you can express your feelings without judgment. This could be a trusted friend, a school counselor, or a mental health professional.

The pressure you feel from academic expectations and the need to perform can be incredibly taxing, especially at a young age. It’s common for students to internalize the belief that their worth is tied to their grades or achievements. This mindset can lead to feelings of inadequacy and despair when they don’t meet those expectations. It’s important to remind yourself that your value is not determined by your academic performance or how others perceive you.

You mentioned that you find solace in virtual characters and that they provide you with a sense of purpose. While it’s okay to find comfort in fictional worlds, it’s crucial to balance that with real-life connections and support. Engaging with a community that shares your interests can be beneficial, but it should not replace seeking help for your mental health struggles.

Here are some steps you can take to begin addressing your feelings and behaviors:
1. Reach Out for Help: Consider speaking to a mental health professional who can provide you with the support you need. They can help you explore your feelings and develop healthier coping strategies.

2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process what you’re going through. It can help you articulate your emotions and may provide clarity on your experiences.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help reduce anxiety and improve your emotional well-being. These techniques can provide you with tools to manage overwhelming feelings.

4. Create a Support Network: If you feel comfortable, try to confide in a friend or a trusted adult about what you’re experiencing. Having someone to talk to can alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation.

5. Limit Negative Influences: If certain conversations or environments contribute to your distress, try to set boundaries where possible. Protecting your mental space is essential.

6. Engage in Positive Activities: Find hobbies or activities that bring you joy and allow you to express yourself creatively. This can help shift your focus away from negative thoughts.

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and doing so is a sign of strength. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate these difficult feelings. Your life is valuable, and there are people and resources available to help you through this challenging time.

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