Self-harm and prolonged mood instability?
Hello, I remember that my first self-harming tendencies began in elementary school when I was scolded by my family, and I started banging my head against the wall.
Although my family was shocked, they did not take significant action.
After that, whenever I faced painful situations, I became accustomed to inflicting more pain on myself as a way to cope.
In middle school, after experiencing sudden bullying and exclusion from my classmates, I began to self-harm more severely, using a utility knife to cut myself.
My emotions fluctuated greatly after that.
In high school, due to academic pressures, I often felt psychologically unstable.
During my first year, I exhibited several symptoms consistent with depression, but I never disclosed this to my family.
Eventually, after a breakdown at school, I began attending counseling sessions regularly, which is when others started to become aware of my struggles.
In my senior year, the pressure from grades and exams made it difficult for me to calm down.
Each time grades were released, I felt as if everyone was discussing me and laughing at my scores, leading to intrusive thoughts.
This escalated to the point where I experienced shaking, fear, and rapid breathing, feeling as if I was close to death.
The counseling office suggested that I might be experiencing panic disorder and anxiety disorder, but I did not seek medical treatment because I did not want it to affect my exams; instead, I tried some simple coping strategies.
Even now, I still struggle with self-harming behaviors.
Although my anxiety and irritability have somewhat decreased, they still frequently resurface.
I often feel tightness and pain in my chest, and I avoid social interactions.
When I am feeling down or anxious, I engage in hair-pulling and have numerous scars and scratches on my hands from self-inflicted injuries.
When I become agitated, I feel an urge to destroy everything around me or to harm myself.
However, to others, I appear to be a very generous and confident person, and sometimes I genuinely do not know how to continue pretending.
Given this situation, would you recommend seeing a doctor, or is this considered normal? (Thank you in advance for your response.)
Niming, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/02/29
Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry
Hello: First of all, I want to thank you for having the courage to share your situation.
It seems that you are experiencing a deep inner pain that makes it difficult for you to maintain emotional stability, leading you to resort to self-harm as a way to alleviate that pain.
On the surface, you appear to exhibit symptoms of depression, anxiety, or panic, but the underlying causes need to be assessed in person by a physician for confirmation.
Everyone has moments of feeling down, but it typically doesn't reach the point of wanting to harm oneself.
Therefore, I strongly recommend that you consult a mental health professional to discuss your feelings and explore the most effective ways to help you.
Wishing you peace and joy.
Reply Date: 2020/02/29
More Info
It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress and self-harm behaviors, which are serious issues that warrant professional help. Self-harm is often a coping mechanism for dealing with overwhelming emotions, and while it may provide temporary relief, it does not address the underlying problems. Your history of self-harm, anxiety, and feelings of panic, along with the physical manifestations of your distress, indicate that you are struggling with mental health challenges that could benefit from professional intervention.
From what you've described, it seems that your emotional instability has been a long-standing issue, beginning in childhood and escalating during your school years. The feelings of being bullied, the pressure of academic performance, and the subsequent emotional turmoil are significant stressors that can lead to mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. The symptoms you mentioned, including panic attacks, feelings of worthlessness, and the urge to self-harm, are often associated with these conditions.
It's important to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous step towards healing. Mental health professionals, such as psychologists or psychiatrists, can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and behaviors without judgment. They can help you develop healthier coping strategies and work through the underlying issues that contribute to your emotional pain. Therapy can also help you understand the triggers for your self-harm and anxiety, allowing you to develop more constructive ways to manage your emotions.
In addition to therapy, medication may also be an option to consider, especially if you are experiencing severe anxiety or depressive symptoms. A psychiatrist can evaluate your situation and determine if medication could be beneficial for you.
Moreover, it’s crucial to have a support system in place. While you may feel the need to hide your struggles from others, sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can provide additional support. They may not fully understand what you are going through, but having someone to talk to can alleviate some of the burden you carry.
You mentioned that you often appear confident and generous to others, which can be a mask for your internal struggles. This is not uncommon; many people feel the need to present a certain image to the world while battling their own demons. However, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being over the facade you maintain for others.
In conclusion, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. Your experiences are valid, and you deserve support and guidance to navigate through this difficult time. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you find a path toward healing and self-acceptance. Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can assist you in addressing these challenges and help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.
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