Repeated self-harm?
I have recently been experiencing frequent emotional instability.
In the past, when I felt angry or sad, I resorted to self-harm using a utility knife.
I have recurrent suicidal thoughts.
During middle school, I was bullied and ostracized; I was even called out by classmates to be verbally abused.
Although I currently have a supportive group of friends and have visited the counseling office, my thoughts afterward are consumed with a desire for revenge, wishing I could harm them.
I often experience intense fear, especially when interacting with unfamiliar people or in disliked environments.
When faced with things I dislike, I find it hard to think clearly, my body feels uncomfortable, I shake, and I cry.
I truly cannot control these feelings, and I resort to self-harm to make the bleeding stop.
Although I am studying nursing, it seems challenging to overcome this emotional turmoil.
I have been carrying these feelings for some time and have noticed that they are getting worse.
I have considered seeing a psychiatrist, but I fear that doing so might make me even more afraid to confront this side of myself.
I might also be dealing with some feelings of inferiority.
iris, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/11/23
Dr. Tang Jiahong reply Psychiatry
Hello: The combination of interpersonal relationships, emotional dysregulation, and self-harming behaviors presents a complex situation.
It may be related to individual and peer personalities, various stressors, family circumstances, and more.
It is recommended to seek consultation at the Tang Tzu-Chun Clinic in Kaohsiung, which can provide counseling for adolescents, family therapy, interpersonal psychological treatment, and, if necessary, medication management.
The works of experienced professionals should align with your needs.
If you have concerns about visiting a psychiatrist, it is advisable to express them clearly during your first appointment, allowing the treatment team to better understand your worries and find a more suitable approach for you.
Wishing you all the best.
Reply Date: 2016/11/23
More Info
It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and turmoil you are experiencing. Struggling with self-harm and having thoughts of suicide are serious issues that require immediate attention and support. It's important to understand that you are not alone in this, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate through these feelings.
Self-harm often serves as a coping mechanism for emotional pain. In your case, it appears to be a way to manage overwhelming feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration. While it may provide temporary relief, it is not a healthy or sustainable way to cope with your emotions. The fact that you have experienced bullying and exclusion in the past can contribute to feelings of worthlessness and anger, which may manifest in self-harming behaviors. It’s crucial to address these underlying issues rather than just the symptoms.
You mentioned that you have supportive friends and have sought help from a counseling office, which is a positive step. However, it seems that the emotional turmoil persists, and you are feeling increasingly overwhelmed. It’s understandable to feel apprehensive about seeking help from a mental health professional, especially if you fear that it might make things worse or lead to feelings of shame or self-doubt. However, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Mental health professionals are trained to help individuals like you work through their feelings and develop healthier coping strategies.
Here are some steps you can consider taking:
1. Reach Out for Professional Help: It might be beneficial to consult with a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can provide you with a safe space to discuss your feelings and help you develop coping strategies tailored to your needs. If you are concerned about stigma or judgment, remember that mental health professionals are bound by confidentiality and are there to help you, not to judge you.
2. Explore Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Instead of resorting to self-harm, try to find alternative ways to express and manage your emotions. Activities such as journaling, art, exercise, or mindfulness practices can be effective outlets for emotional release. Engaging in physical activities can also help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.
3. Build a Support Network: Continue to lean on your friends and family for support. It might be helpful to share your feelings with them, even if it feels uncomfortable. You might be surprised by their understanding and willingness to help. Additionally, consider joining support groups where you can connect with others who have similar experiences.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: It’s important to be kind to yourself during this challenging time. Recognize that healing is a process, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Instead of focusing on self-criticism, try to acknowledge your efforts to seek help and improve your situation.
5. Develop a Safety Plan: If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it’s crucial to have a plan in place. This could include a list of people to contact, activities that help you calm down, and emergency resources such as hotlines or crisis centers.
6. Educate Yourself: Since you are studying nursing, you might find it helpful to learn more about mental health and coping strategies. Understanding the psychological aspects of your feelings can empower you to take charge of your mental health.
Remember, reaching out for help is a courageous step, and it’s okay to seek support. You deserve to feel better and to find healthier ways to cope with your emotions. Please take care of yourself and consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can guide you through this difficult time.
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