Finding Your Path: Seeking Help for Mental Health Struggles

How to navigate through life?

Hello, Doctor: I am 20 years old this year and I am the second child in my family.
My older sister and younger sister are both gifted students.
Throughout my life, I have struggled academically, which has been a source of frustration for my parents.
During my growth, I encountered many sarcastic teachers, which not only made me dislike school but also led to increasing feelings of inferiority.
In fact, I was accepted into both a private and a public university in the past two years, but I have been unwilling to attend because I feel I cannot measure up to my sister, resulting in me still being unaccomplished and staying at home.
Several times, I have felt very distressed and wanted to see a mental health professional.
However, my parents, who are teachers, do not agree and say that all my problems are self-inflicted.
Oh my, in this society, without a higher education, I cannot find a good job, and as a high school graduate who did not continue my studies, what can I do? I am in pain and truly do not know how to move forward in life.
I want to resolve the pressure and burdens that have been weighing on me for many years.
Therefore, I would like to ask you, Doctor, do I need to see a mental health professional? Please give me your professional advice.
Thank you.

Wang, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2001/03/27

Dr. Tang Xinbei reply Psychiatry

Dear Yarei,
I can truly empathize with the pain and struggles you feel being in the shadow of your two gifted sisters.
It’s understandable to want to break free and gain recognition, yet feeling overlooked and undervalued, as if your existence is redundant next to your siblings.
I also recognize the pressure and helplessness that comes from being a child of teacher parents, who often worry about how others perceive them: "If I can't even teach my own children well, how can I teach others'?" Consequently, parents who are educators tend to be stricter with their own children.
Regardless, I believe that individuals must take responsibility for their actions and choices.
My message to everyone online is that "authenticity is more important than perfection." I have seen many "middle children" who often turn out to be the most accomplished in their families, as they need to work harder than others to gain their parents' attention or to receive validation from outsiders through their achievements.
It seems you are currently feeling lost, unsure of your future direction, unaware of your potential and inclinations, and questioning whether not attending university is the right choice.
I agree that seeking help from a psychologist or a counselor can assist you in gaining a better understanding of yourself.
I wish you the best in finding your path!

Reply Date: 2001/03/27

More Info

Dear [Name],
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences. It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I commend you for seeking help and clarity regarding your mental health. Your feelings of self-doubt, pressure from family expectations, and the impact of negative experiences in school are significant factors that can affect your mental well-being.

From what you've described, it seems you are experiencing a combination of low self-esteem, anxiety about your future, and possibly depression. These feelings can be exacerbated by the comparisons you make with your siblings and the pressure to meet high academic standards. It's important to recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and academic performance does not define your worth or potential.

Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can be a crucial step in addressing these feelings. A therapist can provide you with a safe space to explore your emotions, help you develop coping strategies, and work on building your self-esteem. They can also assist you in reframing the negative thoughts you have about yourself and your abilities.

It's understandable that you might feel hesitant to seek help, especially if your parents do not support the idea. However, mental health is just as important as physical health, and seeking assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness. Many people find that talking to a professional helps them gain perspective and find solutions to their problems.

In addition to professional help, there are several self-care strategies you can consider to improve your mental health:
1. Set Realistic Goals: Start with small, achievable goals that can help you build confidence. This could be as simple as dedicating a certain amount of time each day to a hobby or interest.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it's okay to not excel in every area. Acknowledge your efforts and celebrate small victories.

3. Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Find activities that bring you joy and help you relax. This could be drawing, writing, exercising, or spending time with friends. Engaging in enjoyable activities can help lift your mood.

4. Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with friends or family members who uplift you. Having a support system can make a significant difference in how you feel.

5. Limit Negative Comparisons: Try to focus on your own journey rather than comparing yourself to your siblings or peers. Everyone has their own path, and success can look different for each person.

6. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall mental state.

7. Consider Professional Help: If you continue to feel overwhelmed, it may be beneficial to seek therapy. A mental health professional can provide you with tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs.

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and taking that step can lead to significant improvements in your mental health and overall quality of life. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to support you.

I hope this information helps you in making a decision about seeking help. Your mental health is important, and taking care of it is a vital part of living a fulfilling life. Please take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best on your path to healing and self-discovery.

Warm regards,
Doctor Q&A Teams

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