Am I Sick? Coping with a Parent's Suicide Crisis

Am I sick?!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.
It's really important that you talk to someone who can help you, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life.

Emma, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/10/11

Dr. Chen Mingzhe reply Psychiatry

Dear Emma,
After reading your letter, I deeply sense your feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and hopelessness.
Your mother is likely experiencing significant emotional fluctuations due to a lack of security and evident psychological stressors, which may lead her to express her emotions and dissatisfaction in "intense ways." However, this series of emotional reactions and behaviors leaves you feeling overwhelmed, and the repeated feelings of helplessness, compounded by time and inner turmoil, have led you to exhibit mild symptoms of depression (such as uncontrollable crying, feelings of sadness, helplessness, powerlessness, and negative thoughts of hopelessness).
Medical literature indicates that many individuals go through phases of depression throughout their lives as a part of personal growth, and it is not necessarily a disease.
As for your mother, it would be beneficial for you to accompany her to see a psychologist or psychiatrist (both you and your mother should make appointments) to help reduce her resistance.
Being a good daughter is not easy, but facing the issues is necessary for relief.
Just do it!

Reply Date: 2004/10/11

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear about the distressing situation you're facing with your mother's repeated suicide crises. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and helpless when a loved one is in such a painful state. The emotional toll of witnessing a parent struggle with suicidal thoughts can be profound and can lead to feelings of anxiety, sadness, and even guilt.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid. You are experiencing a significant amount of emotional pain and distress, which can manifest in various ways, including crying, depression, and anxiety about the future. These reactions are normal responses to a traumatic situation, especially when it involves a loved one. You mentioned that you don't think you have depression, but it's crucial to understand that what you're experiencing might not fit neatly into a specific diagnosis. Instead, it could be a complex mix of grief, anxiety, and stress related to your mother's mental health crisis.

Your concerns about your mother's well-being are also understandable. It’s common to feel a sense of responsibility for a parent's mental health, especially when they are struggling. However, it's essential to remember that while you can offer support, you are not responsible for their choices or their mental health. Your mother is an adult, and ultimately, she must seek help for herself. Encouraging her to see a mental health professional is a crucial step. It can be beneficial for both of you to attend therapy sessions together, as this can help you both process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

In terms of your own mental health, it’s vital to seek support for yourself as well. The emotional burden of witnessing your mother's struggles can lead to feelings of isolation and despair. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and learn coping mechanisms. They can help you navigate your emotions and provide strategies to manage your anxiety about your mother's potential future crises.

You mentioned feeling like you might "collapse" if you witness another suicide attempt. This fear is significant and indicates that you are under a lot of stress. It’s crucial to have a plan in place for yourself. This could include identifying trusted friends or family members you can talk to when you're feeling overwhelmed, engaging in self-care activities that help you relax, and practicing mindfulness or grounding techniques to manage anxiety.

Additionally, consider joining a support group for individuals who have loved ones with mental health issues. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation.

In summary, while you may not have a clinical diagnosis of depression, the emotional distress you are experiencing is serious and warrants attention. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health and seek professional help. Encourage your mother to do the same, and remember that you are not alone in this journey. There are resources and support systems available to help both of you navigate these challenging times.

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