Why Your Child Is Silent in Preschool: A Parent's Concern

Not speaking in kindergarten?

My son is 3 years and 2 months old and started attending preschool (mixed-age class with 12 children) at the end of July this year.
However, he has rarely spoken up or initiated conversations at school.
According to his teachers, he mostly plays by himself and does his own activities.
When asked questions, he does respond sometimes, but if no one engages him, he can go an entire day without speaking.
Initially, we thought this might be an issue of adapting to the environment, and that he would start to speak more once he felt comfortable.
However, it has been a long time, and he seems to have adapted well and enjoys going to school, so I wonder why he still doesn't talk.
Last Friday, during a conversation, he told me that he is afraid to speak.
I didn't press further, but I was surprised because he communicates well at home, even though he sometimes stutters.
I always encourage him to speak slowly and assure him that I will wait for him.
He is capable of expressing himself clearly, so I am puzzled as to why he behaves this way at school.
As a concerned mother, I am seeking advice.

Xiao Lizi, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/10/18

Dr. Lin Wenxian reply Pediatrics

Dear Mom of Little Li,
Regarding the situation you described, it seems that your child has no issues with speaking and expressing themselves physically.
At home, they communicate well and express themselves clearly, and their interaction with parents is good.
However, it is concerning that they speak very little in kindergarten.

Developmentally, children over the age of three gradually acquire the ability to express themselves and communicate with others, and they begin to develop social skills.
These skills include sharing (playing with a toy together), taking turns (waiting in line for the slide), negotiating (finding solutions together), being patient, and understanding others' perspectives.
Family members and playmates are crucial for observing and learning during the development of these social skills.
Every child has a different temperament; some are not afraid of strangers and quickly engage with others, while others may be more reserved.
Your child may have a temperament that is naturally shy, making it harder for them to initiate contact with other children.

How can parents help these naturally shy children? Firstly, parents can model behavior by showing concern and affection towards others in front of their child and actively listening to them.
Secondly, parents can create opportunities for interaction, allowing their child to engage with other children while accompanied by them.
For example, bringing toys to a community park and inviting other children to play together.
Three-year-olds can typically play with two or three peers.
The initial interactions don’t need to be long; gradually increasing the duration is beneficial.
For extremely shy children, starting with static activities may help, such as inviting a good friend from kindergarten over to watch cartoons.
As modern parents raise fewer children, how to nurture them has become a significant concern for many.
We welcome parents to discuss these topics at the Pediatric Department of Tainan Hospital.
Wishing you good health and all the best!

Reply Date: 2004/10/18

More Info

It's completely understandable for you, as a concerned parent, to be worried about your child's silence in preschool. Your son, at 3 years and 2 months, is at a critical stage in his social and language development. It's important to recognize that children can exhibit different behaviors in various environments, and this can be influenced by several factors.

Firstly, it's essential to understand that many children experience a period of adjustment when they start preschool. This adjustment can manifest as shyness or reluctance to engage verbally with peers and teachers. Your son's behavior of playing independently and responding only when prompted by teachers suggests that he may be experiencing a form of social anxiety or shyness, which is not uncommon at this age.
Children develop at their own pace, and some may take longer to feel comfortable in new social settings. The fact that he communicates well at home indicates that he has the necessary language skills but may be struggling with the social dynamics of a classroom environment. This could be due to a variety of reasons, including temperament, personality, or even the presence of unfamiliar peers and adults.

It's also worth noting that children often mirror the emotional responses of their parents. If you express anxiety about his silence, he may pick up on those feelings and feel more pressured or anxious himself. Encouraging an open dialogue at home, where he feels safe to express his feelings, can be beneficial. You might consider asking him open-ended questions about his day, his feelings, and his interactions with classmates, which can help him articulate his thoughts more freely.

Creating opportunities for social interaction outside of school can also be helpful. Arrange playdates with familiar friends or family members, where he can practice his social skills in a comfortable setting. Engaging in group activities, such as community classes or sports, can also provide him with a chance to interact with peers in a less structured environment.

Additionally, consider discussing your concerns with his preschool teachers. They can provide insights into his behavior in the classroom and may have strategies to encourage him to participate more actively. Teachers often have experience with children who are shy or hesitant to speak and can offer tailored support to help him feel more comfortable.

If his silence continues to be a concern, it might be beneficial to consult with a child psychologist or speech-language pathologist. They can assess whether there are underlying issues, such as speech delays or anxiety disorders, that may need to be addressed.

In summary, your child's silence in preschool could be a normal part of his adjustment to a new environment. By fostering open communication, encouraging social interactions, and collaborating with his teachers, you can help him navigate this phase. Remember, every child is unique, and with time and support, he will likely find his voice in the classroom.

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