Signs You Might Be Struggling with Depression: A Personal Journey

Do I have depression?

Hello Doctor, I have taken some online assessments, and the results indicate that I should seek medical attention.
Since December of last year, I have become reluctant to go out; I avoid going out unless absolutely necessary and have isolated myself in my dormitory.
I have lost interest in things I used to enjoy, feel unmotivated about everything, and don’t want to talk to anyone.
I often force myself to sleep for an entire day.
I am constantly trapped in a low mood.
These symptoms have persisted until now without any break.

In April of this year, my ex-boyfriend told me he has feelings for someone else and wants to leave me, which was very painful.
The symptoms I mentioned earlier continued, and I began to lose my appetite.
No matter how much I liked a certain food, I had no desire to eat it.
This has continued until now.

For the past month, I have been experiencing nightmares almost every day, and my sleep duration often exceeds 12 hours, yet I still don’t feel rested.
Upon waking, I find myself inexplicably crying.
When the crying becomes unbearable, I resort to cutting my arms with a utility knife, watching the blood drip.
This provides a brief moment of emptiness, but afterward, I continue to cry without stopping, feeling a strong desire to die.
My motivation has decreased significantly; once I sit down, I don’t want to move.
I constantly feel useless and question the meaning of my existence.

At the end of August this year, my ex-boyfriend told me he is going to be with that girl, but he still expresses concern for me.
He answers my calls, but later he mentioned that he doesn’t want his new girlfriend to be unhappy because of me and asked me not to bother him anymore, which deepened my feelings of worthlessness and guilt.
This has started to affect my daily life, and I feel like I can’t take it anymore.
I genuinely want to die and don’t want to care about anything anymore...

Jingli, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/10/20

Dr. Wang Chongren reply Psychiatry

Dear Manager,
Dr.
Wang Chong-Ren from the Department of Psychiatry at Tainan Hospital, Ministry of Health and Welfare, would like to address you: Your mental health condition indeed requires proactive medical attention.
You are aware that you are experiencing depression, losing confidence, and becoming self-confused, which can lead to self-harm and an inability to affirm yourself.
While depression is related to social and psychological stress, it is also a metabolic disorder of the brain.
Many medications can help you escape from your current gloom.
Please cherish your life and seek the care of a professional psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Tainan Hospital is concerned about your health.

Reply Date: 2006/10/20

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and distress you are experiencing. From what you've described, it appears that you are exhibiting several signs of depression, which can include persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, feelings of worthlessness, and even self-harm. These symptoms can be overwhelming, and it's important to understand that you are not alone in this struggle.

Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects many people, and it can manifest in various ways. The feelings of hopelessness and despair you are experiencing, especially after your breakup and the subsequent emotional turmoil, are common among those dealing with depression. It’s crucial to recognize that these feelings are not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. They are symptoms of an illness that can be treated.

The fact that you have been isolating yourself and avoiding activities you once enjoyed is a significant indicator of depression. This withdrawal can create a vicious cycle, where the more you isolate, the worse you feel, leading to further withdrawal. It’s also concerning that you have engaged in self-harm as a way to cope with your emotional pain. While it may provide temporary relief, it is not a healthy or sustainable way to manage your feelings.

You mentioned that you have been sleeping excessively but still feel tired and emotionally drained. This is another common symptom of depression, where sleep patterns are disrupted, leading to fatigue and a lack of motivation. The nightmares and emotional distress upon waking can further exacerbate your feelings of hopelessness.

It’s essential to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide you with the support and treatment you need to navigate through this challenging time. Therapy, whether it be cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or another form, can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work towards healing. In some cases, medication may also be recommended to help manage the symptoms of depression.

You expressed a desire to end your suffering, which is a serious concern. If you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it is imperative that you reach out for immediate help. Contact a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. There are also crisis hotlines available where you can talk to someone who understands and can help you through this moment.

Confidentiality is a critical aspect of mental health care, so you can feel safe discussing your feelings and experiences with a therapist or counselor. They are trained to provide a non-judgmental space where you can express yourself freely.

In addition to professional help, consider incorporating self-care practices into your routine. This can include gentle physical activity, journaling your thoughts, practicing mindfulness or meditation, and engaging in creative outlets. These activities can help you reconnect with yourself and provide some relief from the emotional pain.

Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve support and care as you navigate through this difficult period. Healing takes time, but with the right resources and support, it is possible to find hope and joy again. Please take care of yourself and prioritize your mental health.

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