Dealing with a Mentally Ill Boss: A Hair Salon Employee's Struggle

Regarding the issues I have with my supervisor?

Hello Doctor,
I have a few questions to ask you.
Currently, I am working at a hair salon, but I have been suffering from Zao Yu disease for over two years, intermittently undergoing treatment.
Recently, due to significant stress, I have decided to focus on recovering from my illness.
I have been seeing a doctor for almost five months and have also been receiving mental health treatment.
However, during this period, I have experienced other illnesses such as colds, pneumonia, gastroenteritis, and urinary tract infections, which have caused me to take frequent sick leaves.
What troubles me is that my boss has a delusional disorder.
After leaving her previous company due to a dispute over shares, she opened her own salon.
Since then, whenever a customer expresses dissatisfaction with their hairstyle or any other complaints, she believes it is a plot from her former company.
She often tells us that her phone calls are being tapped by Chunghwa Telecom, that her food is being cursed, and that her internet is being monitored, claiming that her former company is trying to sabotage her by bribing telecom providers.
Recently, I have had some sudden illnesses and had to take sick leave on short notice.
She accused me of being bribed to avoid work and demanded that I provide proof of my illness, claiming that I am disrespecting her.
I was confused, so I asked my doctor to provide a medical certificate for her, but she responded by saying that I was harming her and that I had paid the doctor to issue a false diagnosis.
She told me not to present the medical certificate, as it would hurt her, leaving me at a loss.
As a result, my depression has flared up, and I had a big argument with my boss.
In that moment, I felt like I wanted to prove my innocence by ending my life.
However, my boss lacks insight into her condition, and her family believes everything she says.
Sometimes I want to encourage her to seek medical help, but she always feels that those around her are conspiring against her.
Whenever we try to communicate with her, she misunderstands our intentions and often strays off-topic.
Every time I consider resigning, she accuses us of being brainwashed or bribed to leave her.
She claims that we are using her and will turn against her once we have benefited from her.
I feel lost about how to resign from this job.
I have depression, and my boss has a delusional disorder.
It’s quite ironic, isn’t it? A salon full of patients.
Sometimes I even feel pity for her, considering her father is in a nursing home after a stroke, her mother has mobility issues, and her siblings rarely contact her.
I am not familiar with her siblings, having only met them a few times.
She is also going through menopause, which adds to her struggles.
While I sympathize with her, I am also dealing with my own health issues and financial burdens.
I worry about switching careers and the possibility of not finding a job.
I feel overwhelmed and on the verge of losing my mind.
I often complain about these issues to my family, and they find it amusing that we are all struggling in the same workplace.
However, I am genuinely feeling a lot of pressure and helplessness right now.
Doctor, I really need your advice.
My boss lacks insight into her condition and has not been hospitalized yet, but I feel like I might lose my sanity first.
Please help me.
What should I do?

Huo le yi bai ci de mao, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/10/23

Dr. Ye Yuki reply Psychiatry

Hello, Cat who has lived a hundred lives.
I need to reiterate that I cannot determine who is ill or not based solely on fragmented information from the internet.
I am also uncertain if your situation aligns with bipolar disorder, and I cannot confidently say whether your supervisor has delusional disorder.
However, even if she does have delusional disorder, it does not seem to reach the level that requires involuntary hospitalization or treatment.
Workplace stress is an unavoidable issue for modern individuals, and interacting with a supervisor can be challenging; sometimes it is due to personal issues, sometimes it is the supervisor's issues, and other times it is a result of company policies.
If, as you mentioned, your supervisor is difficult to deal with because of "delusional disorder," then until she actively seeks treatment, it is likely that she will interpret your actions negatively, which indeed makes it difficult.
You shouldn't feel the need to "prove your innocence at all costs." Have you considered the possibility of changing jobs if this one is so unsatisfactory? Do you usually type this much? Be careful, as lack of sleep can easily lead to health issues.

Reply Date: 2006/10/23

More Info

Dealing with a mentally ill boss can be an incredibly challenging situation, especially when you are also managing your own mental health issues. It sounds like you are in a very difficult environment where both you and your boss are struggling with significant mental health challenges. Here are some strategies and insights that may help you navigate this situation.

Understanding the Situation
First, it’s important to recognize that your boss’s behavior may stem from her mental health condition, specifically her paranoia and delusions. This can lead to misunderstandings and a toxic work environment. It’s not uncommon for individuals with such conditions to misinterpret the actions and intentions of those around them, leading to accusations and distrust. This can create a hostile work environment, making it difficult for you to perform your job effectively.

Prioritize Your Mental Health
Given that you are also dealing with your own mental health issues, including anxiety and depression, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Seek Professional Help: Continue your treatment and maintain regular appointments with your mental health professional. They can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your specific situation.

2. Establish Boundaries: If possible, try to set boundaries with your boss. This might mean limiting personal conversations or avoiding discussions that could lead to misunderstandings. If she begins to accuse you of things that are untrue, try to remain calm and assertive without engaging in an argument.

3. Document Everything: Keep a record of your interactions with your boss, especially any instances where she makes accusations or where you feel threatened. This documentation can be useful if you need to report her behavior to higher management or seek legal advice.

4. Communicate Clearly: When you need to communicate with your boss, try to be as clear and concise as possible. Avoid ambiguous language that could be misinterpreted. If you need to take a sick day, provide her with a doctor’s note if necessary, but be prepared for her to react negatively.

5. Consider Your Options: If the work environment becomes too toxic and detrimental to your mental health, it may be worth considering other job opportunities. While the fear of not finding another job can be daunting, your health should come first. Look for positions that align with your skills and interests, and consider reaching out to your network for potential leads.

Support Systems
1. Lean on Supportive Relationships: Talk to friends or family members about your situation. Having a support system can help you process your feelings and provide you with encouragement.

2. Join Support Groups: Consider joining a support group for individuals dealing with mental health issues. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly validating and helpful.

3. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that you enjoy. Taking time for yourself can help reduce stress and improve your mood.

Encouraging Your Boss to Seek Help
While it may be difficult to convince your boss to seek help, you can approach the topic delicately. Here are some suggestions:
1. Express Concern: If the opportunity arises, express your concern for her well-being in a compassionate manner. You might say something like, “I’ve noticed you seem really stressed lately. Have you thought about talking to someone who could help?”
2. Avoid Confrontation: Given her paranoia, avoid direct confrontations about her mental health. Instead, frame the conversation around her well-being and the stress of running the business.

3. Involve Family or Friends: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to her family or friends who may be able to intervene and encourage her to seek help.

Conclusion
Navigating a work environment with a mentally ill boss is undoubtedly challenging, especially when you are also dealing with your own mental health issues. Prioritize your well-being, seek professional help, and consider your options carefully. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your health over a job that is causing you significant distress. If the situation becomes unbearable, it may be time to explore new opportunities that align better with your mental health needs.

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