Finding Meaning After Loss: A Journey Through Grief and Mental Health

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Hello, Doctor: This is actually the last time I will bother you, and I apologize! I know you are very busy.
In fact, I started seeing a psychiatrist regularly shortly before my mother relapsed.
It was my mother's relapse that made me realize I cannot continue to fall into despair; I have to rise again from the "abyss of degradation." My mother is a wonderful mom! She has sacrificed so much for our family, even going to the extent of breaking the law for our financial situation and getting arrested! My mother is a pitiful person, and I have never truly honored her as I should! Now it's too late! After my mother passed away, I felt like a lost sheep, anxious and directionless! Even if I improve in the future, what does it matter? I feel it is meaningless! My mother was my motivation to strive and work hard! Sometimes, I feel so drained that I just lie in bed and waste the day away.
I know I cannot let my mother’s sacrifice be in vain, but I am truly heartbroken over her death! No matter how hard I try in the future, it feels utterly meaningless! The last time I was in the hospital, I saw an elderly person in a wheelchair and thought that I might end up like that—having a feeding tube inserted, being incontinent, etc.
It makes me feel that life has no meaning! No matter how hard I try, I will end up like that, and my loved ones are leaving one by one...
The only elder left in my family is my dad.
However, my dad and I sometimes clash! Like the last time it rained, my umbrella was stolen, and when I got home, my dad was very angry and threatened to kick me out or make me pay for meals and groceries.
I currently have no job, and since I am not required to serve in the military and have a psychiatric disorder, it is very difficult for me to find employment! I don’t know what to do? I feel completely lost; after my mother died, I feel like I have changed!

A Yao, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2008/07/16

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry

You now have regular follow-up appointments, which is great.
You should definitely discuss everything with your attending physician in person, as they understand you better than I do and can help you find meaning in life.
The journey is not just about the final destination but also about the scenery along the way.
Life is inherently filled with ups and downs; it is precisely because of the lows that we can appreciate the beautiful moments in life.
What you need to focus on is "how" to live, not just "how" to survive.
It's not about the "meaning" of living.
I suggest you check the United Nations website.
If you have a meal (not just three meals) each day that costs 65 New Taiwan Dollars, you are already better off than half of the world's population.
Furthermore, one-sixth of the global population is on the brink of starvation, yet they all "desperately want" to live.
For them, simply "surviving" is incredibly meaningful.

Reply Date: 2008/07/16

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense pain and loss you are experiencing. Losing a loved one, especially a parent, can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. It’s understandable that you feel lost and overwhelmed by grief, and it’s commendable that you are seeking help and trying to find meaning in this difficult time.

Grief is a complex emotional response that can manifest in various ways, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even physical symptoms. It’s important to recognize that what you are feeling is a normal part of the grieving process. The loss of your mother, who played such a significant role in your life, has understandably left a void that can feel insurmountable. It’s common to feel as if life has lost its meaning after such a profound loss, and it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings.

You mentioned that your mother was a wonderful person who made sacrifices for your family. Reflecting on her life and the love she provided can be a source of strength. While it may feel like her death has rendered your efforts meaningless, consider that honoring her memory can be a powerful motivator. Many people find that channeling their grief into positive actions—such as volunteering, helping others, or pursuing goals that their loved ones valued—can help them find a renewed sense of purpose.

It’s also crucial to address the feelings of hopelessness and despair that you are experiencing. These feelings can sometimes lead to a cycle of depression, making it even harder to find motivation or joy in life. You mentioned that you are currently in therapy, which is a positive step. It’s essential to continue communicating openly with your mental health professional about your feelings, including your thoughts on the future and your struggles with motivation. They can provide you with coping strategies and support tailored to your specific needs.

In addition to therapy, consider exploring support groups for those who have lost loved ones. Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences can provide comfort and understanding. Sharing your story and hearing others can help you feel less isolated in your grief.

You also expressed concerns about your future and the inevitability of aging and decline. It’s natural to fear the unknown, especially when faced with the realities of life and death. However, focusing on the present and finding joy in small moments can help shift your perspective. Engaging in activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying nature, can help you reconnect with life.

Lastly, it’s essential to take care of your physical health during this time. Grief can take a toll on your body, so ensure you are eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in physical activity. These practices can improve your mood and overall well-being.

In summary, while the pain of losing your mother is profound, it’s important to remember that healing is a journey. Allow yourself to grieve, seek support, and gradually explore ways to honor your mother’s memory. Life may feel overwhelming now, but with time, support, and self-compassion, it is possible to find meaning and joy again. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources and people who can help you navigate through your grief.

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