Struggling with Self-Image and Social Anxiety at 22: Seeking Guidance

Please ask your question?

Hello Dr.
Su,
I am 22 years old, but people often mistake me for a high school or even middle school student because of my short stature and baby-faced appearance.
In reality, I am about to graduate from university.
I smile when I hear them say this, but it’s actually quite difficult for me to accept.
I also feel that my interpersonal relationships are not very good; my classmates are all tall and strong, while I am just a small kid.
They often treat me like a little child, patting my head and teasing me, just like they would with younger kids.
I feel a bit jealous that they can grow so tall and strong.
Every time they do this, I remain calm and don’t get angry, but I often feel excluded because my academic performance isn’t great.
When I ask them for help with schoolwork, they only care about themselves and don’t offer any assistance, which feels very realistic...

Dr.
Su, I have more questions to ask, but I’ve already written too much and I’m afraid it might be a bother to you.
I apologize for that.
I will wait for your reply before I continue asking.
Thank you.

Xiao Wei, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2009/01/03

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry

Actually, I'm not quite sure what your question is.
If it's about height, it may be related to genetics or endocrinology.
Some congenital conditions can also affect height.
Have you ever consulted with a geneticist or an endocrinologist? Generally, you can inquire about this in the pediatric department of a medical center.
If it's related to psychological aspects, it would be best to rule out physiological issues first before exploring further.

Reply Date: 2009/01/03

More Info

Struggling with self-image and social anxiety is a common challenge, especially for young adults navigating the complexities of social interactions and personal identity. At 22, it’s understandable to feel the weight of societal expectations and peer comparisons, particularly when it comes to physical appearance and academic performance. Your feelings of being perceived as younger than your actual age, coupled with the dynamics of your social environment, can significantly impact your self-esteem and contribute to social anxiety.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Many individuals experience anxiety related to their self-image, especially in social settings where comparisons are often made. The perception of being smaller or younger can lead to feelings of inadequacy or exclusion, particularly if peers do not engage with you in a supportive manner. This can create a cycle of negative self-talk and reinforce social anxiety, making it difficult to engage with others.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective treatment for social anxiety and can help you reframe negative thoughts about yourself and your interactions with others. CBT focuses on identifying and challenging irrational beliefs and automatic thoughts that contribute to anxiety. For instance, if you find yourself thinking, "They think I'm just a kid," you can work on reframing that thought to something more constructive, like, "They may see me as younger, but I have valuable contributions to make."
Additionally, practicing exposure therapy can be beneficial. This involves gradually exposing yourself to social situations that trigger anxiety, starting with less intimidating scenarios and progressively working your way up to more challenging interactions. This can help desensitize you to the anxiety-provoking situations and build your confidence over time.

Building self-esteem is also crucial. Engage in activities that you enjoy and excel at, whether they are academic, artistic, or athletic. Surround yourself with supportive friends who appreciate you for who you are, rather than how you look or perform academically. This can help create a more positive self-image and reduce feelings of isolation.

It’s also worth considering the role of mindfulness and self-compassion in your journey. Mindfulness practices can help you stay present and reduce anxiety by focusing on the here and now, rather than worrying about how others perceive you. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during moments of self-doubt or perceived failure.

Regarding your academic struggles, it’s important to remember that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. If you find that your peers are not supportive, consider seeking out study groups or academic resources that can provide the help you need. Engaging with others who share similar academic goals can foster a sense of community and support.

Lastly, if you feel comfortable, consider discussing your feelings with a mental health professional. They can provide tailored strategies and support to help you navigate your social anxiety and improve your self-image. Therapy can be a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping mechanisms that work for you.

In conclusion, while it may feel overwhelming at times, remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Many people face similar challenges, and with the right support and strategies, it is possible to improve your self-image and manage social anxiety effectively. Embrace your uniqueness, seek connections with those who uplift you, and take proactive steps towards building a more positive self-perception.

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