Overcoming Emotional Struggles: A Teacher's Journey to Finding Purpose

Feeling deeply depressed?

I am a wandering teacher and have previously seen a psychiatrist due to excessive stress, who diagnosed me with adjustment disorder.
However, after discussing my issues, it became clear that my problems cannot be resolved through medication.
The doctor suggested that I could improve my situation if I could choose to let go of my path as a teacher, as that would automatically relieve my stress.
The challenge lies in my inability to come to terms with this decision, and I find it hard to muster the motivation to move forward.

The doctor recommended that I read more self-help books and engage in self-exploration.
They mentioned that I don't necessarily have to keep pushing myself, especially since I feel stuck in a cycle of endless exams.
It's been two years since then, and the difficulty of becoming an elementary school teacher has been a constant source of worry for me, leading to a persistent sense of melancholy.
While I have been relatively stable, I am aware that I am unhappy, and recently, my emotions have become more pronounced.
I feel increasingly low, and this unhappiness seems to be surfacing more often, making me feel despondent.

I am eating well and sleeping fine, but I feel that life lacks meaning and direction.
I am unsure of my next steps—continuing to substitute teach indefinitely? Aging without opportunities? Yet, if I don't substitute, I feel I lack competitiveness.
I struggle to believe in my ability to integrate into society, and I even worry about not being able to pass the substitute teaching exams.
Perhaps the upcoming exam season in July is contributing to my lack of motivation; after studying for over seven years, I feel particularly drained this year and have lost the drive to pursue anything, even as I remain anxious about my future employment.
This internal conflict—feeling guilty for not wanting to study while simultaneously worrying about not having a job—might be the root of my invisible sadness.
Each day, I feel exhausted going to school, but I try to stay spirited and dedicated to teaching.
However, when I return home, I increasingly feel weak.
While I enjoy interacting with my students, I can't help but wonder if I will have similar opportunities in the future, which brings about a subtle sadness that I struggle to process.

I feel a tightness in my chest and am unsure how to cope with these low emotions.
Could you please provide me with some advice? Thank you.

dow, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2010/05/06

Dr. Lin Junyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello pingjhe611, it is indeed possible that your situation may be related to adjustment disorder.
It seems that you are passionate about and dedicated to your work, which is truly a blessing for a student! However, because you care so much, are you perhaps placing the weight of your life's successes and failures solely on your job, spending all your thoughts on this? While work is certainly important, are you overlooking your other resources and strengths? I suggest that in addition to preparing for your teaching position, you also find some activities that interest you.
Just as you would advise your students, it’s important to balance hard study with recreational activities to avoid burnout, which can lead to feelings of worry about not having a job—resulting in a lack of motivation and physical and mental fatigue—ultimately leading to a low emotional state and decreased confidence.
Please remember, if these self-help strategies do not lead to improvement, it would be wise to seek an evaluation at a mental health clinic or psychiatric department nearby.
Wishing you all the best!

Reply Date: 2010/05/06

More Info

Overcoming emotional struggles, especially as a teacher, can be a daunting journey filled with self-doubt, anxiety, and a sense of stagnation. Your situation resonates with many educators who find themselves in similar predicaments, often feeling trapped in a cycle of unfulfilled aspirations and external pressures. It’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid and that seeking a way out of this emotional turmoil is a commendable first step.

From your description, it seems that the core of your struggle lies in the conflict between your current role as a teacher and your aspirations for a more fulfilling career. The pressure of endless examinations and the fear of not being competitive enough can create a sense of hopelessness. This is compounded by the emotional weight of being a "流浪教師" (wandering teacher), where job security is uncertain, and the future feels bleak.

Understanding Your Emotional State
Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that feelings of inadequacy and despair can often stem from external comparisons and internalized expectations. The notion that you are not progressing while others seem to be moving forward can lead to a pervasive sense of failure. This is a common experience, especially in competitive fields like education, where societal expectations can weigh heavily on individuals.

Your previous diagnosis of adjustment disorder suggests that your emotional struggles are not just a passing phase but a response to significant stressors in your life. It’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed, especially after years of trying to secure a stable teaching position. The emotional exhaustion you describe, where you feel "虚弱" (weak) after teaching, indicates that you may be experiencing burnout. This is a serious condition that can affect your mental health and overall well-being.

Strategies for Finding Purpose and Overcoming Emotional Struggles
1. Self-Reflection and Acceptance: Begin by allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. It’s okay to feel lost or uncertain about your future. Journaling can be a helpful tool for processing these feelings. Write down your thoughts, fears, and aspirations. This can help you clarify what you truly want and what is causing your distress.

2. Seek Professional Help: Since you have previously consulted a psychiatrist, consider returning for further support. Therapy can provide you with coping strategies and a safe space to explore your feelings. A therapist can help you navigate your thoughts about leaving teaching and explore alternative career paths that may align better with your interests and values.

3. Explore New Opportunities: If teaching is no longer fulfilling, think about what other passions or skills you might want to pursue. This could involve taking courses in areas of interest, volunteering, or even exploring different job opportunities that utilize your teaching skills in new ways, such as educational consulting or tutoring.

4. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of overwhelming yourself with the idea of passing exams or securing a permanent position, set small, achievable goals. This could be dedicating a certain amount of time each week to study or exploring one new career option. Celebrate small victories to build your confidence.

5. Connect with Others: Reach out to fellow teachers or friends who understand your situation. Sharing your experiences can provide emotional support and may lead to new opportunities or insights. Consider joining a support group for educators facing similar challenges.

6. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your mental and physical health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining the energy needed to face challenges.

7. Mindfulness and Stress Management: Techniques such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, or deep-breathing exercises can help reduce anxiety and improve your emotional resilience. These practices encourage you to stay present and can alleviate feelings of being overwhelmed.

Conclusion
Finding purpose and overcoming emotional struggles is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this experience, and many educators face similar challenges. By taking proactive steps to address your feelings and exploring new possibilities, you can begin to carve out a path that feels more aligned with your true self. Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and allow yourself the grace to evolve beyond your current circumstances.

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