Navigating Inner Conflicts: A Teacher's Struggle with Anxiety and Communication

Inner conflict

Hello Doctor: I work as a special education teacher at school, but sometimes I find that the real challenge lies in communicating with the teachers (for instance, regarding the situation of children with autism in the classroom and conflicts between parents and teachers).
This role requires excellent communication with various parties, yet I personally struggle with a fear of authority, especially when facing teachers with extensive experience, which adds a lot of pressure.
I am uncertain whether I possess sufficient capabilities (although I always manage to get things done, people say this reflects a lack of confidence) and I fear taking on responsibilities.
I often feel anxious about not performing well when tasks come my way, or perhaps I just want to do well.
This role involves daily unexpected situations.
Sometimes I wonder if this will lead to burnout (I find myself exhausted yet unable to sleep, dreading the arrival of another day...).
Internally, I experience many conflicts but cannot express them; I can't say that I feel powerless regarding the children's issues or that I have doubts about what I can do with the diverse cases I encounter.
Sometimes it seems that many things cannot be done as I wish; my supervisors expect problem-solving, preferably quickly and effectively, but some requests feel challenging: for example, not using profanity, reading books, and avoiding overly affectionate behavior among older students.
Furthermore, some teachers expect children to behave in a certain way: diligently completing assignments and being compliant in class.
However, every child has different characteristics, and expecting teachers to adapt (to be accommodating and flexible with their demands) feels nearly impossible.
It often feels like I'm constantly testing boundaries, and the response is often harsh.
I also fear that my abilities may not be sufficient.
I have expressed my confusion to my district supervisor, but I worry that my high level of anxiety is the reason for my struggles, as it is a group supervision setting and cannot focus too much on individual assistance.
I sometimes wish I could just be a mentor, as I clearly understand what I can achieve, which would indicate that I am doing well, and I could even provide more for the children.
However, I currently feel trapped in a cycle of endless frustration (due to a lack of system integration, both within and outside the school).
The influence of personal governance in schools is significant, and implementing tiered support is quite challenging...
It is also unclear whom we should be guiding and helping.
I fear that my internal anxiety is too high, which prevents me from effectively utilizing my abilities to help the children (when I am disorganized, I cannot remain calm).
I also feel that at my age, I shouldn't be feeling this way; I feel like a newcomer to the workforce...
I am frustrated with myself for having studied for many years to finally become a teacher and for persisting all these years; I should give myself credit and have more confidence, believing in my capabilities and recognizing the challenges I have overcome.
Looking back at my desire to become a teacher, there may have been an internal belief that this role would allow me to avoid being controlled by others, unlike many people in society who have to comply with their bosses...
I thought being a teacher was a fortunate position.
But now, it seems that this is not the case.
Is it the confusion caused by the role, or is it my own emotional state that is off? I take my work seriously and collaborate with psychologists and social workers regarding cases.
For areas where I lack expertise, I seek guidance from others.
Engaging in practical work has exposed me to issues such as child protection cases, high-risk families, and school dropouts, and I have had to familiarize myself with topics like sexual harassment and bullying.
I read many books in hopes of filling the gaps in my knowledge, but despite my efforts to do well, I find it painful to live in a state of constant tension and contradiction, unable to find joy in my work.
What should I do? Thank you.

ne, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2013/04/18

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, first of all, I would like to express my utmost respect for your current work.
It is a very important yet challenging job.
Below are some personal experiences I would like to share.
School counselors and psychiatrists have some similarities.
The "problems" we face with our cases or patients are often the "results" of a prolonged period of multiple factors coming together.
The individual's genetics, constitution, family, friends, past experiences, and recent environmental stressors collectively shape this "outcome." However, this outcome is clearly unsatisfactory to everyone involved, and important stakeholders bring these individuals to us, asking for our help to improve them, remove undesirable elements, fill in the gaps, and strengthen deficiencies, with the expectation that this process should be as quick as possible.

However, cases are dynamic and alive; they are not cold sculptures or malfunctioning computers, so they will not obediently remain in place for us to manipulate according to our or these stakeholders' ideal changes.
Most importantly, the underlying factors that contribute to this somewhat flawed outcome largely remain and continue to exert influence, even hindering attempts at improvement and progress.

The key point here is to establish a reasonable self-expectation and work goal: these issues are part of a larger systemic problem, and should we bear the responsibility alone, it would be too burdensome.
We can only strive to enrich our professional knowledge and do our best.
The final outcome of a case does not equate to our success or failure in our work.
Some illnesses will not improve, and some cases will have lifelong issues.
If we can help 80% of our cases, or even just 20%, we have already done our part for ourselves and for society compared to those who create problems for our community.
When faced with unreasonable expectations from others, everyone hopes to resolve issues in the shortest time possible and return to the status quo.
If someone happens to be assigned this responsibility, the pressure of collective expectations can become unbearable, like a magnifying glass focusing sunlight.
The crucial question is whether the expectations from others are reasonable.
If there are excessive expectations or demands placed upon us, how should we respond? Just as when our car breaks down, due to our lack of understanding of automotive mechanics, we often expect to pay a small amount for repairs rather than a large sum for a new vehicle.
If a repair is deemed unfeasible and a replacement is necessary, the mechanic must explain this to us.

We usually take on this responsibility because we possess more relevant knowledge than these officials or peers and are clearer about the most reasonable approaches and likely outcomes.
Some case issues require long-term intervention before any improvement can be seen.
In some cases, the investment of resources may not even yield the expected results.
In these situations, we can gently yet firmly explain to relevant officials, peers, and parents—important stakeholders—that they are not experts in this area and need to be educated.
Sometimes, their unreasonable expectations stem from a lack of understanding and knowledge, rather than arrogance or difficulty in communication.
After explanation, their attitudes may change immediately, even aligning with us to provide support and assistance.
Of course, there are all kinds of people in society, and some may be difficult to communicate with or stubborn.
In such cases, as long as we are at peace with ourselves, we should learn to remain indifferent to others' emotional remarks and attitudes.
My approach is to devalue the opinions of these irrational individuals, even if they are my superiors, seniors, or colleagues; in this regard, they do not deserve our respect or concern, which helps us not to be too affected by their hurtful words.
Finally, there is a more personal question: do we have passion and interest in this work? Counseling and mental health care do not yield immediate results like surgical procedures.
The outcomes of our counseling often do not bring obvious feelings of achievement.
The process of the work itself, and even the initial motivation, becomes very important.
If we genuinely enjoy this work, we will be more resilient to various frustrations and better able to evaluate our performance from multiple positive perspectives.

Moreover, people are fascinating; even if they do not verbally express it, everyone can sense whether the therapist is genuinely passionate and invested in the case and the entire treatment process.
This underlying energy is contagious, and at such times, everyone gradually appreciates the true humane and caring experience of the therapeutic process, which can sometimes lessen their concerns.
Furthermore, this passion and interest can also influence the final outcomes; I personally believe this is an important therapeutic factor.
This passion stems from the inherent goodness within each individual, which you undoubtedly possess.
If you find this aspect challenging, we can discuss it further in another conversation.
Discovering and cultivating passion, lowering self-expectations, and communicating reasonable expectations to important stakeholders are a few suggestions I have in mind for your consideration.
Of course, you and I are different individuals, and some of these points may not resonate with you or may not significantly help your current urgent situation.
You can also seek advice from other physicians; open communication is valuable!
Wishing you all the best,
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2013/04/18

More Info

Navigating the complexities of being a special education teacher can be incredibly challenging, especially when it comes to communication with colleagues and managing the expectations of various stakeholders. Your concerns about feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and unsure of your capabilities are valid and shared by many in similar roles. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are not a reflection of your worth or abilities, but rather a response to the high-pressure environment in which you work.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that the role of a special education teacher often involves navigating a myriad of expectations from parents, students, and other educators. The pressure to effectively communicate the needs of students, particularly those with conditions like Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), can be daunting. When faced with veteran teachers who may have established ways of doing things, it’s natural to feel intimidated. However, it’s essential to remember that your perspective and insights are valuable. You bring a fresh viewpoint and specialized knowledge that can contribute significantly to the educational environment.

Your fear of authority and self-doubt can lead to a cycle of anxiety that may hinder your performance. It’s important to challenge these negative thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can be beneficial in this regard. CBT helps individuals identify and reframe negative thought patterns, which can reduce anxiety and improve self-confidence. Consider seeking support from a mental health professional who can guide you through these techniques and help you build resilience.

Moreover, the feeling of being overwhelmed by the diverse needs of students is common among educators. It’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Understand that you cannot solve every problem immediately or perfectly. Education is a process, and sometimes progress takes time. Celebrate the small victories and recognize that helping even a few students can have a significant impact.

Communication is key in your role, and it’s essential to foster open lines of dialogue with your colleagues. If you feel comfortable, consider initiating discussions about your concerns with your peers or supervisors. They may not be aware of the challenges you face, and sharing your experiences can lead to collaborative solutions. Additionally, seeking mentorship from more experienced colleagues can provide you with guidance and reassurance.

The fear of burnout is a legitimate concern, especially in a demanding role like yours. It’s vital to prioritize self-care and establish boundaries. Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, whether that’s spending time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies, or simply taking a break. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can also help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being.

Lastly, it’s important to acknowledge your achievements and the dedication you have shown in your role. You have worked hard to become a teacher, and it’s essential to recognize your strengths. Reflect on the positive feedback you’ve received and the impact you’ve made on your students’ lives. Building self-confidence takes time, but by focusing on your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your work, you can gradually shift your mindset.

In conclusion, navigating the inner conflicts of being a special education teacher requires a multifaceted approach. By addressing your anxiety, improving communication, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a more fulfilling and less stressful work environment. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and seeking support from colleagues and mental health professionals can make a significant difference in your experience.

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