Overcoming Self-Doubt: Embracing Praise and Building Confidence

Concerns or issues?

My bad habit is taking on other people's responsibilities and often failing to manage them.
Additionally, I always feel skeptical about compliments from others, such as when someone says, "You're great, you're a good person, you're kind, you're attentive." I am filled with doubt.
However, when I don't perform well, I believe that reflects my true self, which shows I can't genuinely love myself.
I struggle to transform others' encouragement into motivation for improvement, and instead, I remain stagnant while being self-critical, which leads to regression.
Furthermore, I don't know what I can trust.
Conversations with others can be hurtful, so I tend to hide away to avoid interaction, thinking that this way I won't get hurt.
Yet, I am someone who loves to talk, but I'm also afraid of being hurt.
I really hope to have the courage to experience everything.

sel, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/03/20

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, our perception of ourselves is often influenced by our emotions and the external environment.
However, both extremes can lead to problems.
I often notice that many wonderful individuals, who, by ordinary standards, are exemplary in various aspects, still experience self-doubt.
The issue lies in their high self-expectations; they often find it difficult to tolerate mistakes or imperfections.
They tend to overlook the 99% of achievements they have accomplished and instead become preoccupied with the 1% of issues.
We need to learn to appreciate the beautiful things we possess and recognize our efforts and accomplishments.

As for situations where we haven't done anything wrong but still feel hurt by others' words, it's important to remember that most of the time, the other person is also dealing with their own troubles or may not have malicious intent but simply lacks the skillful use of language.
By considering this as the other person's issue, we can reduce our own feelings of sadness.

Moreover, interpersonal relationships are interactive; if we refrain from criticism, gossip, and instead focus on giving compliments, the chances of being hurt by others' words will significantly decrease.
Lastly, the more we try to protect ourselves, the more vulnerable we may feel.
Conversely, by caring for and helping others, we are less likely to worry about being hurt.
You might find this perspective helpful.

Best wishes for everything to go smoothly.

Sincerely,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/03/20

More Info

Overcoming self-doubt and embracing praise is a journey that many individuals find challenging, yet it is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being. The feelings of inadequacy and skepticism towards compliments can stem from a variety of factors, including past experiences, perfectionism, and a tendency to internalize criticism more than praise. Understanding these dynamics is the first step towards building confidence and self-acceptance.

Firstly, it's essential to recognize that self-doubt is a common human experience. Many people struggle with accepting compliments, often dismissing them as insincere or exaggerated. This skepticism can be rooted in a fear of vulnerability; when someone praises us, it can feel like a spotlight is shining on our perceived flaws. We may think, "If they only knew the real me," leading to a cycle of self-criticism and doubt. This internal dialogue can be damaging, as it prevents us from acknowledging our strengths and achievements.

One effective strategy to combat this self-doubt is to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend. When you receive a compliment, instead of brushing it off, try to internalize it. Acknowledge the compliment and reflect on what it means to you. For example, if someone says, "You are so kind," take a moment to consider specific instances where you have shown kindness. This reflection can help reinforce the positive feedback and make it feel more authentic.

Another important aspect is to challenge the negative beliefs that fuel self-doubt. Often, we hold onto limiting beliefs about ourselves that are not based on reality. For instance, if you believe that you are not good enough or that you will always disappoint others, it’s crucial to question these thoughts. Ask yourself, "What evidence do I have to support this belief?" and "Is there a more balanced perspective?" By reframing these thoughts, you can create a more realistic and positive self-image.

Additionally, it’s vital to cultivate a supportive environment. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and provide constructive feedback. Engaging in open conversations about your feelings can also help alleviate the burden of self-doubt. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends or family members can provide new perspectives and remind you that you are not alone in your struggles.

Moreover, setting small, achievable goals can help build confidence over time. Start with tasks that are within your reach and gradually challenge yourself with more complex objectives. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, as these victories can accumulate and significantly boost your self-esteem.

Lastly, consider seeking professional help if self-doubt and negative self-talk become overwhelming. A therapist can provide valuable tools and strategies to help you navigate these feelings and develop a healthier self-image. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is particularly effective in addressing negative thought patterns and fostering self-acceptance.

In conclusion, overcoming self-doubt and embracing praise is a multifaceted process that requires patience and practice. By cultivating self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs, surrounding yourself with supportive individuals, setting achievable goals, and seeking professional guidance when necessary, you can gradually build the confidence needed to accept compliments and recognize your worth. Remember, it’s a journey, and every step you take towards self-acceptance is a step towards a more fulfilling life.

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