Struggling with Phone Anxiety and Social Isolation: A Personal Journey

I'm not sure what to do..?

I don't know when I developed this habit, but I have become very uncomfortable, dislike, or even hate answering phone calls.
This isn't directed at any specific person or group (though I definitely won't answer calls from unknown numbers).
Sometimes, when I'm in a good mood or feeling well, I might pick up the phone, but most of the time, I subconsciously ignore the ringing.
I often watch the phone ring and stop without answering.
There are times when I'm not feeling well, and I simply put the phone on silent, but I don't dare to hang up.
I'm afraid these people will be upset with me or will never call me again.
However, my behavior of not answering calls has indeed angered many people; many friends have stopped calling or reaching out to me.
Each time I realize this or annoy a friend, I feel a deep sense of loneliness and become even more afraid to return calls or answer the phone, feeling like I'm slowly cutting off my connection to the world and ending up all alone.
I am extremely afraid of loneliness yet also fear being in large crowds or becoming the center of attention, while at times I desperately crave to be in the spotlight.
I often find myself lying subconsciously; for many trivial matters or mundane conversations in daily life, I will speak untruthfully.
Even about something insignificant like what I had for lunch (like saying I had rice instead of noodles), I will unconsciously lie.
This behavior of lying, regardless of the situation or person, makes me increasingly dislike myself.
At night, I often have trouble sleeping, waking up easily and feeling like my legs are twitching throughout the night (though it seems like they aren't?).
Sometimes I feel extremely anxious, restless, excited, or sad; at other times, I fear loneliness.
The emptiness of being alone frightens me, yet sometimes I really need my own space to breathe and be alone.
Thinking about or encountering anything frustrating or disappointing deepens my sense of helplessness and sadness, making me feel like I'm about to explode, unable to cry, and wishing I could just disappear.
These situations, especially regarding answering calls or lying, have not improved despite trying many methods, including participating in group classes.
I feel quite troubled and frustrated.
I don't know if I'm sick or if my personality and habits are just too poor.
I think this is really terrible and very annoying.

CW, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/05/22

Dr. Fan Tingwei reply Psychiatry

Dear Ms.
CW,
Your situation indeed seems to have impacted your life, affecting your work, relationships, and daily routine.
The changes you are experiencing are causing you distress, and it appears that you feel trapped.
Despite participating in various group courses, the improvement seems limited.
Based on your description, it seems that this was not the case in the past, but you are unsure when the change began.
I am concerned that depression may be preventing you from moving forward.
However, to diagnose depression, it is essential for you to seek in-person consultation with a physician for a more detailed discussion to determine the appropriate diagnosis and receive comprehensive support.
Dr.
Fan Ting-Wei

Reply Date: 2011/05/22

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a complex mix of anxiety, social isolation, and emotional distress, which can be incredibly challenging to navigate. Your feelings of discomfort with phone calls, fear of social interactions, and the tendency to lie about trivial matters may be indicative of underlying social anxiety or other emotional issues. It's important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that you are not alone in experiencing them.

Social anxiety is a common issue that can manifest in various ways, including fear of judgment in social situations, avoidance of social interactions, and physical symptoms like increased heart rate or sweating when faced with social situations. Your reluctance to answer phone calls, even from friends and family, suggests a heightened level of anxiety surrounding communication. This can lead to a vicious cycle where avoiding phone calls results in feelings of loneliness and isolation, which in turn exacerbates anxiety.

The fact that you sometimes feel a strong desire to connect with others while simultaneously fearing social interactions is also a common experience. Many people with social anxiety feel torn between wanting to engage with others and fearing the potential for negative evaluation or embarrassment. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of frustration and sadness, as you described.

Your tendency to lie about small, inconsequential matters may stem from a desire to avoid vulnerability or to protect yourself from perceived judgment. This behavior can further complicate your relationships, as it may lead to feelings of guilt or shame, which can contribute to a negative self-image. It's essential to understand that everyone has moments of insecurity and that being open about your feelings can foster deeper connections with others.

Sleep disturbances, such as difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, are also common among individuals experiencing anxiety. The physical symptoms you described, like leg cramps or feelings of restlessness, can be manifestations of anxiety as well. It's crucial to prioritize self-care and develop healthy coping strategies to manage these symptoms.

Here are some suggestions that may help you navigate these challenges:
1. Seek Professional Help: Consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide support and guidance tailored to your specific needs. Therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), has been shown to be effective for social anxiety and can help you develop coping strategies.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall well-being. These techniques can help you manage anxiety symptoms and promote a sense of calm.

3. Gradual Exposure: If phone calls are particularly anxiety-provoking, consider gradually exposing yourself to this fear. Start by making short, low-stakes calls to people you trust, and gradually work your way up to more challenging conversations.

4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. It can also help you identify patterns in your thoughts and behaviors that may contribute to your anxiety.

5. Build a Support Network: Reach out to friends or family members who you feel comfortable with. Let them know about your struggles so they can provide support and understanding. Building a support network can help combat feelings of isolation.

6. Limit Social Media: Sometimes, social media can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and anxiety. Consider taking breaks from social media to focus on real-life connections and activities that bring you joy.

7. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that it's okay to struggle and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenges. Taking the first step to seek help can be daunting, but it can also be incredibly empowering. You deserve to feel connected and supported in your life.

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