My Son's Violent Behavior Towards Animals: A Mother's Concern

My son's violent behavior?

Hello, Doctor Huang.
My son will turn thirteen this November.
He is living with my ex-husband, and I am currently abroad, so I can only express my concern over the phone.
I have learned that my son does not value the lives of small animals.
He bought pet mice and rabbits, and whenever things do not go his way, he becomes very angry and may harm the animals, such as throwing or stepping on them.
If an animal gets injured and limps, he kills it, reasoning that it cannot be healed and living would only cause suffering.
However, he claims he would never harm a human.
I am very saddened by how my son has changed.
Doctor, does he have any psychological issues? He usually takes care of those weaker than him or elderly people, but why is he so cruel to animals? His father's girlfriend does not like him and has excluded him from the beginning, and his father seems to support her.
Their relationship is not good, and his father has a bad temper; he physically punishes him when angry.
My son has told me that he wishes he could go back to the time when he rode bikes with his dad, but now he says it does not matter if his dad comes back, as long as his dad is alive.
My ex-husband mentioned that his girlfriend told him one day he might be killed by his own son.
Is it really that serious? Doctor, where should I start to help my beloved son appreciate the lives of small animals and stop being so cruel? Does my son have psychological issues? A worried mother, C.

C, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/09/23

Dr. Huang Yanying reply Psychiatry

Hello, I am Dr.
Chang Fang-Jung, a general psychiatrist.
Since Dr.
Huang has left the practice, I am responding on his behalf regarding the matters you mentioned.
Here are a few suggestions:
1.
Although you are abroad, it is necessary and important to maintain your care for your son.

2.
If circumstances allow, I recommend discussing matters directly with your ex-husband and reaching a mutually agreed approach.

3.
While he shows care for those weaker or elderly, his cruelty towards animals may likely be a reflection of his inner imbalance or unhappiness.
As long as parents continue to show concern, I believe things can improve.

Wishing you peace and success.

Reply Date: 2011/09/23

More Info

Understanding your son's violent behavior towards animals is indeed a complex and concerning issue. It is essential to approach this situation with empathy and a willingness to seek professional help. Based on the information you've provided, there are several factors to consider regarding your son's behavior and emotional state.

Firstly, it is crucial to recognize that harming animals can be a sign of underlying emotional or psychological distress. In children and adolescents, such behavior may stem from various issues, including exposure to violence, trauma, or difficulties in emotional regulation. Your son's actions towards pets, such as harming or killing them when upset, suggest a possible inability to cope with his emotions in a healthy manner. This could indicate a need for emotional support and intervention.

The relationship dynamics within your son's environment also play a significant role in his behavior. You mentioned that his father has a poor temper and that there is a strained relationship between them. Children often mirror the behaviors they observe in their parents or guardians. If your son is exposed to aggression or hostility, he may internalize these behaviors and express them inappropriately, such as through violence towards animals. Additionally, the feeling of being unloved or rejected, especially by a parent, can lead to feelings of anger and frustration, which may manifest in harmful ways.

Your son's statement about not wanting to kill people but feeling justified in harming animals when they are in pain is particularly concerning. This perspective may indicate a lack of empathy, which is a critical emotional skill that develops during childhood. Empathy allows individuals to understand and share the feelings of others, including animals. The absence of this ability can lead to cruel behavior, and it is essential to address this gap through appropriate guidance and support.

To help your son develop a more compassionate attitude towards animals and others, consider the following steps:
1. Seek Professional Help: It is vital to consult with a mental health professional, such as a child psychologist or psychiatrist, who can assess your son's behavior and emotional state. They can provide a proper diagnosis and recommend therapeutic interventions tailored to his needs.

2. Open Communication: Maintain an open line of communication with your son. Encourage him to express his feelings and frustrations without fear of judgment. This can help him process his emotions and understand the impact of his actions.

3. Teach Empathy: Engage your son in activities that promote empathy, such as volunteering at an animal shelter or participating in community service. These experiences can help him develop a sense of responsibility and compassion for living beings.

4. Model Positive Behavior: As a parent, it is essential to model healthy emotional responses and conflict resolution strategies. Demonstrating how to cope with anger and frustration in constructive ways can influence your son's behavior positively.

5. Monitor Relationships: Be aware of the influences in your son's life, including his father's behavior and the impact of his father's girlfriend. If these relationships are detrimental, consider discussing them with a professional to explore ways to mitigate their effects on your son.

6. Encourage Healthy Outlets: Help your son find healthy outlets for his emotions, such as sports, art, or other hobbies. Engaging in positive activities can reduce feelings of anger and frustration.

In conclusion, your son's violent behavior towards animals is a serious concern that warrants immediate attention. By seeking professional help and fostering a supportive environment, you can guide him towards healthier emotional expression and a greater understanding of empathy. Remember, change takes time, and with the right support, your son can learn to appreciate and respect all living beings.

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