A jumble of thoughts in the mind?
Hello, Doctor: I have been seeing a psychiatrist, but the doctor shared that he does not believe in fatalism; he is certain that people have choices.
He told me that every situation involves a choice, but I find this hard to understand.
How could I choose to be unhappy or not joyful? Is everything really a choice? The doctor said that my self-doubt and self-sabotaging personality make me feel that nothing can be chosen by myself, and that I am too accustomed to my old patterns.
Therefore, the part of me may actually be choosing not to change because the familiar, unchanging situation feels more comfortable and adaptable to me, even if it is not a good situation and is filled with stress, disappointment, and unhappiness.
However, I have become so used to it over time that, despite wanting to break free from this pattern, I can't seem to do so.
At this point, I became even more confused and told the doctor: If I could do that, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you.
My mind is a jumble because the doctor said that life doesn't need to have many "musts" or "shoulds" and that I should be flexible, yet he also said I need to have determination.
He suggested I could include phrases like "I can definitely..." in my statements.
This is extremely contradictory! One moment I shouldn't do this, and the next moment I should do that.
The doctor said I have an adjustment disorder, and that as long as I adjust well, there shouldn't be any problems.
The issue is that I feel like I'm not doing well at all.
How can I untangle this chaotic situation? What is the right way to approach this? Thank you.
ne, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/10/19
Dr. Zhang Fangrong reply Psychiatry
Hello, regarding what you mentioned, I have a few suggestions:
1.
If you are receiving long-term psychological counseling at a mental health clinic, I recommend trying to express your feelings at an appropriate time, as this aspect can be addressed and discussed.
2.
If your visits to the mental health clinic are short-term or irregular, I suggest discussing other possible treatment options with your physician, such as medication, psychological support, counseling, or behavioral therapy.
If you still feel uncomfortable, you might consider seeking a second opinion from another doctor to hear different perspectives before making your next decision (such as committing to a specific physician).
3.
There are a few quotes from Master Sheng Yen that I really like, and I would like to share them with you: "Face it, accept it, deal with it, let it go." "Human suffering arises from a lack of wisdom; conflicts in the world arise from a lack of compassion." "Making others happy is compassion; making oneself happy is wisdom."
Wishing you mental and emotional well-being.
Reply Date: 2011/10/19
More Info
Navigating the complexities of mental health can often feel overwhelming, especially when faced with conflicting ideas about choice and adaptation. Your experience highlights a common struggle many individuals face in therapy: the tension between feeling trapped by circumstances and the belief that one has the power to choose differently.
Your therapist's assertion that "everything is a choice" can be both empowering and frustrating. On one hand, it suggests that you have agency over your life and the ability to change your circumstances. On the other hand, it can feel dismissive of the very real challenges and patterns that have developed over time, particularly in the context of mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or trauma.
The concept of choice in therapy often revolves around recognizing that while we may not have control over every situation, we do have control over how we respond to those situations. This is where cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly helpful. CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. It encourages individuals to recognize that their thoughts can influence their feelings and actions. For example, if you believe that you are powerless to change your situation, you may feel stuck and unmotivated. However, if you can shift that belief to recognize that you have the power to make small changes, even if they feel daunting, you may begin to feel more empowered.
Your mention of feeling trapped in familiar patterns is also significant. Humans are creatures of habit, and often, the familiar—even if it is uncomfortable—can feel safer than the unknown. This is a psychological phenomenon known as "status quo bias," where individuals prefer things to remain the same rather than risk change, even if that change could lead to improvement. Acknowledging this bias is the first step toward breaking free from it.
Your therapist's advice to be flexible and to avoid rigid thinking about "musts" and "shoulds" is crucial. These absolutes can create unnecessary pressure and lead to feelings of failure when we inevitably fall short of these expectations. Instead, try to adopt a mindset of curiosity and exploration. Ask yourself questions like, "What small step can I take today that might lead to a different outcome?" or "What would I advise a friend to do in my situation?" This can help shift your perspective from one of obligation to one of possibility.
Moreover, the idea of self-doubt and self-sabotage that your therapist mentioned is also worth exploring. Many individuals struggle with negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that can hinder their progress. It may be beneficial to practice self-compassion and to challenge those negative thoughts actively. For instance, when you catch yourself thinking, "I can't change," try to counter that with evidence of times when you have made positive changes, no matter how small.
In terms of practical steps, consider incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment, allowing you to observe them rather than become overwhelmed by them. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or even journaling can provide clarity and help you process your emotions more effectively.
Lastly, if you continue to feel stuck, it may be worthwhile to seek a second opinion or to explore different therapeutic approaches. Sometimes, finding the right therapist or modality can make a significant difference in your healing journey.
In summary, while the journey through mental chaos can be challenging, it is essential to recognize that you have the power to make choices, even if those choices feel small at first. Embrace the process of exploration, practice self-compassion, and remain open to the possibility of change. Remember, healing is not linear, and it is okay to seek support along the way.
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