Love yourself?
Recently, I've been deeply confused about how to accept that perhaps the person I love the most is myself.
I often feel hurt in interactions with others because it seems like they love someone else more than me.
Even when I treat someone well, that person may not reciprocate.
This thought makes me feel quite utilitarian.
I can clearly sense the selfishness in others, yet when I want to acknowledge that I am also selfish, I feel guilty, as if I shouldn't feel that way.
I actually want to be a bit more selfish.
If I truly loved myself the most, I shouldn't be troubled by this, as I wouldn't place so much weight on others.
My interactions with my doctor have reached a bottleneck.
I'm afraid that if I express my thoughts, the doctor will laugh or I won't dare to share more of my inner feelings.
This leads to the doctor not being able to fully understand me.
However, I'm scared—scared of too many secrets being revealed, scared of my strange thoughts being ridiculed.
Internally, I wish for equality among people, yet I still find myself judging who is more impressive or capable, as if categorizing others.
It feels like my mind has cast a spell on itself, and I truly want to find another "spell" to tell myself that it doesn't have to be this way.
I'm not just seeking answers to solve these issues; the process of seeking seems to become a source of distress that prevents me from resting properly.
Even when my eyes are tired, I can't settle down to sleep.
It's not insomnia; it's more like I'm not allowing myself to sleep.
It feels like I've lost something and desperately want to fill that void and retrieve it.
I've been exhausted for a long time, yet I can't find rest, and it's all because of myself.
ne, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/02/02
Dr. Lin Junyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello, your first question is: "How to accept that perhaps the person I love the most is myself?" My personal opinion is that everyone should first cherish and respect themselves in order to have the energy to care for others and even give back.
However, in the subsequent content you mentioned, it seems to focus more on expressing feelings rather than asking questions.
The flow of the article suggests that your repetitive thoughts may be affecting your emotions and even the efficiency of your daily life.
I recommend continuing to communicate about this with your physician! Wishing you all the best!
Reply Date: 2012/02/02
More Info
Embracing self-love is a complex journey that often involves navigating through inner conflicts and mental health challenges. Your reflections reveal a deep struggle with self-acceptance, interpersonal relationships, and the fear of vulnerability, which are common themes in many people's lives. Understanding these feelings is the first step toward healing and personal growth.
Firstly, it's important to recognize that self-love does not mean being selfish or disregarding others. Instead, it involves acknowledging your own worth and treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a loved one. The feelings of guilt you experience when considering your own needs are often rooted in societal expectations and the belief that prioritizing oneself is inherently wrong. However, self-care is essential for mental health; it allows you to recharge and be more present for others.
Your concern about feeling hurt in relationships, especially when you perceive that others may not reciprocate your kindness, is valid. This can lead to feelings of resentment and disappointment. It's crucial to establish healthy boundaries and recognize that while you can control your actions, you cannot control how others respond. This realization can help alleviate some of the emotional burdens you carry.
The fear of judgment, particularly in therapeutic settings, is another significant barrier to self-exploration. It's common to worry about how your thoughts and feelings will be perceived by others, including mental health professionals. However, a good therapist will create a safe space for you to express your innermost thoughts without fear of ridicule. It might be helpful to communicate your fears to your therapist directly; this can foster a more open and trusting relationship, allowing for deeper exploration of your feelings.
Your desire for equality among people and the struggle with categorizing others based on perceived worth can also be a source of inner conflict. It’s natural to compare ourselves to others, but this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Instead, try to focus on your unique qualities and the value you bring to the world. Embracing your individuality can help you appreciate others without feeling the need to rank them.
The sensation of being unable to rest or sleep, despite feeling tired, is often linked to anxiety and racing thoughts. This can be exacerbated by the pressure you place on yourself to find answers or solutions to your problems. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can be beneficial in calming the mind and promoting relaxation. Additionally, establishing a bedtime routine that encourages winding down can help signal to your body that it’s time to rest.
Lastly, consider seeking professional help if you haven’t already. A therapist can provide guidance and support as you navigate these complex emotions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns and developing healthier coping strategies. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
In conclusion, embracing self-love is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. It involves recognizing your worth, setting healthy boundaries, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. By addressing your fears and anxieties, you can begin to cultivate a more loving relationship with yourself, which will ultimately enhance your relationships with others. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs and feelings; doing so is a vital part of living a fulfilling life.
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