Feeling Lost and Alone: Navigating Mental Health Challenges After Loss

I have no idea what to do!?

Hello, Doctor: I haven't been to Taiwan E-Hospital for a long time to express my issues.
Previously, my mother passed away, and I was very sad.
I thought about going to Taiwan E-Hospital to talk about my problems, but I kept delaying it, and even my psychiatrist couldn't give me any advice! I once worked at a restaurant where the owner maliciously closed it down, which caused me a lot of psychological conflict (this was also their intention).
Later, I didn't receive my salary, and I developed panic disorder and depression.
The owner had connections with the underworld, so I couldn't do anything about it, and I started seeing a psychiatrist (I was 20 years old in 1990).
Not long after, I received a military draft notice, but I was discharged due to adjustment disorder without functional impairment.

I have always enjoyed spending time with my family and shared everything with them, especially my mother.
I would often be affectionate with her, discussing problems and having conversations.
However, I was framed by others and became self-destructive, refusing to work and even losing my temper with my mother.
Later, my mother, who had not taken her medication, developed breast cancer (diagnosed in 1999) and passed away in 2007! In 2006, my mother was arrested for committing a crime to support our family! She dedicated herself to our family until her death! After my mother died, I couldn't find anyone to confide in, and my life became lonely, monotonous, and tedious.
I couldn't find anyone to help with household chores (though I can do them myself); importantly, I felt rejected by society! I tried to work, but my boss sent me home.
I don't even have a scooter now.
In the past, I would ask my mother for advice when I faced problems, but now I can't do anything!
I don't know if I should prepare for the national exam or look for a "suitable" job or just settle for any job for the rest of my life.
My family is low-income, and we rely on monthly disability assistance, which requires careful budgeting just to get by.
Life is already difficult, so how can I fully prepare for the national exam or anything else? I am crying; life is painful! I wonder why it wasn't me, this useless person, who died, but someone else? Why wasn't it me who got cancer instead of my beloved one? The suffering and helplessness of life make me think about suicide! Even if I try hard now, my mother is not by my side; who am I working for? I have lost my ability to work, and I am too poor to support myself—what else can I do?
Please don't compare me to children in Africa; every family has its own struggles.
I know I need to adapt to society and work, but I simply can't do it; I feel finished.
I don't have to serve in the military, and I don't want to scavenge for income, as it is limited; only a job's salary can help me live a little better.
I don't know how to do anything, and I can only imagine how miserable my future will be! I want to take revenge on those who harmed me, but I have no opportunity.
I'm not brave; even if I had the chance, I have never been good at work since I was young, and I have no idea what to do.
Furthermore, watching friends and relatives I once knew pass away one by one—do you know what that feeling is like? Thank you for reading this.

Mr. Wu, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/02/14

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry

Have you talked to your psychiatrist about your stress? Try to express it; even though you may not be able to change anything in reality, it can be a way to relieve your emotions.
Hang in there; although the pressures of reality are strong, what you can do is at least not keep everything bottled up inside.

Reply Date: 2012/02/14

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense pain and challenges you've been facing. Losing a loved one, especially a parent, can create a profound sense of emptiness and despair. It’s understandable that you feel lost and alone, particularly after experiencing such significant losses and hardships in your life. Your feelings of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness are valid and deserve attention and care.

From what you've shared, it seems that your mother's passing has left a void that is difficult to fill. The bond you had with her was not just emotional but also a source of support and guidance. Losing that connection can lead to feelings of isolation and confusion about your purpose and direction in life. It's common for individuals who have experienced such losses to feel a sense of abandonment and to struggle with the question of "why" things happened the way they did.

Your experiences with panic attacks and depression, particularly following the traumatic events in your life, indicate that you may be dealing with a complex mix of grief, anxiety, and possibly unresolved trauma. The fact that you have sought help from mental health professionals in the past is a positive step, but it sounds like you may need more consistent support to navigate these feelings.

Here are some suggestions that may help you find a path forward:
1. Seek Professional Help: It’s crucial to connect with a mental health professional who can provide you with the support you need. Therapy can help you process your grief and trauma, develop coping strategies, and work through feelings of hopelessness. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety and depression.

2. Support Groups: Consider joining a support group for individuals who have experienced similar losses. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can be incredibly validating and comforting. It can also help you feel less isolated in your experiences.

3. Express Your Feelings: Writing about your feelings can be a therapeutic outlet. Journaling can help you articulate your thoughts and emotions, making them feel more manageable. You might also consider creative outlets like art or music to express what you’re going through.

4. Establish a Routine: Creating a daily routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy. Even small tasks, like making your bed or going for a short walk, can help you regain a sense of control over your life.

5. Physical Activity: Engaging in physical activity can significantly improve your mood and reduce anxiety. Whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or any form of exercise you enjoy, moving your body can help release endorphins and alleviate feelings of sadness.

6. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, or progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce anxiety and improve your emotional well-being. These techniques can help ground you in the present moment and alleviate overwhelming feelings.

7. Reconnect with Your Interests: Try to engage in activities that you once enjoyed or explore new hobbies. This can help reignite your passion for life and provide a distraction from negative thoughts.

8. Reach Out to Friends and Family: While it may feel difficult, try to reach out to friends or family members. Even if they cannot fully understand your pain, having someone to talk to can provide comfort and connection.

9. Consider Medication: If your symptoms of depression and anxiety are severe, medication may be a viable option. Discuss this with a psychiatrist who can evaluate your situation and determine if medication could be beneficial for you.

10. Be Kind to Yourself: Understand that healing takes time. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Allow yourself to grieve and process your emotions without judgment.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Many people have faced similar challenges and have found ways to cope and rebuild their lives. It’s essential to take small steps toward healing and to seek the support you need. Your life has value, and there is hope for a brighter future.

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