Navigating the Challenges of Counseling: Finding Personal Strengths

I really want to develop my own abilities?

Hello, Doctor: Thank you for your previous response, which has given me a lot to think about.
However, I feel like I'm constantly caught in contradictions and would like to ask for your guidance again.
Thank you.

I really want to develop my own abilities and be able to suppress opposing voices.
I am eager to grow up.
As a school counselor, I encounter referral cases where teachers expect to "correct" a child's sexual orientation while they are still young.
However, I do not believe this is a problem.
I want to educate the teachers about gender equality concepts, but I only receive backlash.
They expect me to think about the students, especially since there are still opposing voices in society.
Truly caring for the child should mean...
Since I started working, I often experience a gap between the expectations of teachers and the goals I can achieve in counseling.
Sometimes teachers ask me what is wrong with a child, and I genuinely do not know.
They hope I can provide a diagnosis, but I cannot simply say that something is wrong because the child is sick...
It seems that the teachers would feel better if I said that, which adds a lot of pressure on me, causing chest pain.
I often feel like I cannot act according to my own wishes and have to comply...
Sometimes, even the school administration has similar demands, and I am unsure whether it is my insistence or something else.
I do express myself and try to communicate, but I often end up feeling defeated and give up on dialogue, understanding, and cooperation...
Especially since the performance of counselors is still evaluated by the school.

I wonder if I am just following orders or...
This makes me more confused.
Compromise may lead to internal contradictions and even make me doubt my own professional abilities.
If I cannot provide help, what is my value? I really do not want to be someone who is often uncooperative, yet I find myself in this situation daily.
During group supervision, sometimes it is said that it is a systemic issue (the people and things encountered) - after all, different schools have different personnel and varying teacher perspectives.
Some colleagues say that the administration has a good understanding of counseling and that there are not many issues.
After several instances, I have learned not to disclose the difficulties I encounter at school because they seem to be unsolvable, yet I still learn from each group supervision session.

Sometimes it is said that I need to set my boundaries and be stronger; in this position, I must bear some pressure.
I should have made progress, but it seems that the types of cases have also escalated (in the second year, I encounter cases I did not see in the first year).
Some say that I will be able to handle it after about seven years! It is a cycle; what I need to encounter, I will encounter.
Currently, some cases often involve the entire system cooperating (Family Education Center, School Counseling Center, Teacher Zhang, Lifeline, Family Support, Outlook Association, Social Affairs Bureau Domestic Violence Center).
Sometimes I feel like I am constantly exhausting energy just in this area of contact!
How can I still manage well under my personal traits (often feeling powerless)? After completing a case discussion meeting, I hope to become more capable.
I wonder if becoming more capable would mean that I would not face such difficult situations.
Sometimes I look at child protection social workers and see how decisive and firm they are.
How can Teacher Zhang analyze a case involving a father with alcohol abuse so clearly, especially since they just took on the case? I know rationally that I should not rush; these are experiences that are learned gradually, and this is something that can be mastered through daily work.
I just fear that I will exhaust myself before that!
So, I irrationally think that if I were very capable and had strong stress resistance, I would not have to be afraid...
I am unsure how to further integrate myself or in which direction I should strive.
Please, Doctor, give me your guidance.
Thank you.

ne, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2013/11/08

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, I recall that you have asked similar questions a couple of times.
In our society, there are many professionals.
When we encounter something we do not understand, we naturally seek advice from experts, and we have certain expectations from them.
When a car breaks down, we take it to a mechanic, hoping they will provide an explanation and fix it as quickly as possible.
Similarly, when other teachers or even the principal refer students they perceive to have issues to you, their mindset is not much different; this is human nature.
As for whether we can provide answers or resolve the children's issues in a short time, as I mentioned before, this is not a heavy responsibility we can bear alone.
Family, the child's temperament, their growth process, and even societal factors contribute to various challenges.
As helpers, whether we can influence the structure of these problems may require experience and mental strength, but it is also possible that we may not be able to change anything at all.
Other teachers also have students they cannot teach; not every student excels under their guidance.
Look at your colleagues who are putting pressure on you; see how they handle similar situations! Teaching is just a profession, with a variety of individuals, differing personalities, and varying levels of cultivation, as well as different depths of relationships with you.
Communication and collaboration should be approached with effort.
No matter how skilled or diligent you are, there will still be students you cannot help, and some teachers will remain dissatisfied.
This pursuit of near perfection can be endless.
I have previously suggested that we can refer to the majority of our peers to set reasonable goals and self-requirements.
In therapeutic relationships and professional fields, there will always be frustrations and feelings of helplessness.
It is essential to rationally analyze which factors can be attributed to external circumstances and which areas we should self-reflect and improve upon.
Both extremes are not ideal.
You may have set your standards too high; perhaps lowering them a bit for yourself and the children could lead to a more relaxed and effective outcome.
With time and the accumulation of cases, your experience will undoubtedly assist you with your current challenges.
After working in the field for about ten years, you will likely have encountered nearly every type of case and situation.
Although each individual is unique, the types of problems and general approaches to handling them are quite similar.
You may feel that your professional abilities have improved, yet the cases seem to become more challenging, as if the higher you climb, the steeper the hill becomes.
In reality, we often focus excessively on the unfamiliar or the areas where we struggle, overlooking the difficulties we have successfully overcome or the skills we have mastered.
Reflecting on your journey, consider how many positive changes you have made and how many people you have helped; those expressions of gratitude are the capital that can help you recover and stand up again after setbacks.
Observing a flowing stream, it may seem unchanged day after day, but every moment, each water molecule is different, flowing towards the sea while being replenished upstream.
The people and events around us may appear constant; we expect that tomorrow we will see the same group of students, teachers, and the principal.
However, time passes slowly, leading us to believe that nothing will change, resulting in persistent pressure, face-saving, and social obligations that seem inescapable.
In reality, six months, a year, or two years later, these changes can be significant.
Students will graduate, new ones will arrive, teachers will retire or transfer, and even we ourselves may be the ones to leave.
The current scene, these people, and these events are not truly permanent; we cannot hold onto them even if we wish to.
Regardless of whether your current feelings are painful or joyful, they will eventually pass and fade away.
The people who are pressuring you now, just like those you cherish, will appear in your life but will not withstand the test of time, gradually exiting your life.
Whether you like it or not, regardless of what you have done, right or wrong, these will all become past events and lose their significance.
Life is impermanent; joyful moments will pass, and so will painful ones! If you find some truth in my words, I suggest setting aside your feelings for a moment and taking time to reflect quietly.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2013/11/08

More Info

Navigating the complexities of counseling, especially in a school setting, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when faced with conflicting expectations from colleagues and the emotional weight of the cases you handle. Your desire to grow personally and professionally while managing external pressures is commendable, but it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Here are some insights and strategies that may help you find your personal strengths and navigate these challenges more effectively.

Understanding Your Role and Boundaries
As a school counselor, your primary responsibility is to advocate for the well-being of your students. This often means balancing the expectations of teachers and administrators with the best interests of the children you serve. It's essential to establish clear boundaries regarding your role. While you may feel pressured to conform to the expectations of others, remember that your professional judgment is based on your training and experience. It's okay to assert your perspective, especially when it comes to sensitive issues like sexual orientation. Educating your colleagues about the importance of a supportive environment for all students is crucial, even if it meets resistance.

Building Communication Skills
Effective communication is vital in your role. When discussing sensitive topics with teachers or administrators, try to frame your responses in a way that emphasizes collaboration and understanding. For example, instead of saying, "I don't think this is a problem," you might say, "It's important to consider the child's perspective and how we can support them in a way that respects their individuality." This approach can help reduce defensiveness and open the door for more constructive conversations.

Seeking Support and Collaboration
You mentioned feeling overwhelmed by the expectations placed upon you. It’s important to seek support from your peers, whether through formal supervision or informal discussions. Engaging in group supervision or peer support groups can provide a safe space to share your experiences and gain insights from others who may have faced similar challenges. This can also help you feel less isolated in your struggles.

Focusing on Professional Development
Consider investing time in professional development opportunities that enhance your skills and knowledge. Workshops, webinars, and courses on topics such as trauma-informed care, diversity and inclusion, and effective counseling techniques can empower you and boost your confidence. The more equipped you feel, the better you can handle the complexities of your role.

Self-Care and Reflection
The emotional toll of counseling can lead to burnout if not managed properly. Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that rejuvenate you, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or hobbies that bring you joy. Regularly reflect on your experiences and feelings through journaling or supervision. This practice can help you process your emotions and recognize your growth over time.

Embracing Imperfection
It's crucial to accept that you won't have all the answers, and that's perfectly okay. Counseling is a complex field, and each case presents unique challenges. Embrace the learning process and understand that making mistakes is part of professional growth. Rather than viewing challenges as failures, see them as opportunities to learn and improve.

Finding Your Strengths
Identify and celebrate your strengths. You mentioned feeling powerless at times, but remember that your empathy, dedication, and willingness to advocate for your students are significant assets. Reflect on past successes and how you navigated difficult situations. This can help reinforce your sense of competence and remind you of the positive impact you have on your students' lives.

Conclusion
Navigating the challenges of counseling requires a delicate balance between personal values, professional responsibilities, and the expectations of others. By focusing on effective communication, seeking support, prioritizing self-care, and embracing your strengths, you can find the resilience needed to thrive in your role. Remember, it's a journey, and every step you take contributes to your growth as a counselor and as an individual.

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