Overcoming Anxiety and Depression: Learning to Love Yourself Again

Always feeling difficult?

I really wish I could say, "I love myself so much," but I often feel overwhelmed before I even start anything, constantly battling thoughts of inadequacy.
It feels like a heavy stone is pressing on my heart.
Today, I even felt a bit sad and cried until evening.
I wonder why I feel this way, afraid of everything.
Even before I begin, I worry that my face will scrunch up, and my hands will start to grab at each other (fingers gripping fingers with force) or rub together, or I'll clutch my waist, which feels very uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if this is anxiety leading to depression or if it's depression causing my anxiety.
How can I help myself to like myself a little more? When both feelings occur simultaneously, it seems like talking to anyone is useless because others just say, "Why are you sad? Didn't you go out and have fun?" I even hesitate to share with others, fearing that I might break down at work and suddenly cry, leaving me feeling very lonely.
Does all of this truly indicate that my stress levels are exceeding the limit?

ia, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2014/04/20

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, sometimes feelings of depression or anxiety can become overwhelming, making it difficult to escape despite our efforts to cope.
My suggestion is to see a psychiatrist, as this may be the quickest way to alleviate your suffering.
Whether it's depression or anxiety disorders, they can be extremely painful, making life feel unbearable; however, they are among the more treatable conditions in psychiatry.
While recovery may not be as quick as getting over a cold, improvement and even recovery are certainly possible, provided you cooperate with your physician's treatment plan.
I feel that some individuals who are prone to depression tend to focus excessively on themselves, worrying about not being good enough and fearing loss.
When too much attention is directed inward, it naturally leads to anxiety over gains and losses, creating a vicious cycle.
This type of thinking in depressed individuals can become somewhat compulsive, where the pursuit of reassurance feels endless.
If they don't think this way daily, they may feel uncomfortable and insecure.
I recommend trying to shift your focus away from yourself and observe the people and the world around you.
Start by practicing concern for those you care about, helping others.
Investing your time, energy, love, and even money into others can expand your sense of security and bring you joy.
This is not a transactional exchange or hypocrisy; it is genuinely meaningful on both psychological and spiritual levels.
Additionally, when encountering people or situations that do not align with your preferences, try to avoid criticizing others.
Do not allow negative emotions to fester within you, as this psychological attack outward is essentially an attack on yourself.
Negative emotions create a negative atmosphere, attracting unfortunate people and circumstances.
Those who are prone to depression and anxiety should resolve to break this habit.
Finally, while it is important not to hate yourself, why must you necessarily like yourself? Personally, I believe that liking oneself does not equate to happiness.
The importance of the self seems to diminish as one finds inner peace.
When you feel there is nothing to lose, what is there to worry about?
Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2014/04/20

More Info

Overcoming anxiety and depression is a journey that many individuals face, and it often involves learning to love and accept oneself. The feelings you describe—of heaviness in your heart, anxiety about daily tasks, and the fear of emotional breakdowns—are common among those struggling with these mental health challenges. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that you are not alone in experiencing them.

Firstly, let’s address the notion of self-love. The statement "I love myself" can feel unattainable when you are in the depths of anxiety or depression. However, self-love is not about feeling happy all the time; it’s about acceptance. It’s about recognizing your worth, regardless of your current emotional state. One effective way to cultivate self-love is through self-compassion. This involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. When negative thoughts arise, challenge them by asking yourself if you would say the same things to someone you care about. This practice can help shift your mindset from self-criticism to self-acceptance.

You mentioned feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of daily tasks and the fear of failure. This is a common symptom of anxiety, where the anticipation of negative outcomes can paralyze you from taking action. To combat this, consider breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Instead of focusing on the entire task, concentrate on one small part at a time. Celebrate each small victory, as this can help build your confidence and reduce feelings of inadequacy.

Physical activity can also play a significant role in managing anxiety and depression. Exercise releases endorphins, which are chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. Even a short walk or some light stretching can help alleviate feelings of heaviness and anxiety. Additionally, engaging in activities that you enjoy can provide a much-needed distraction and help you reconnect with the things that bring you joy.

It’s also crucial to establish a support system. While it may feel like others don’t understand what you’re going through, reaching out to friends, family, or support groups can provide a sense of connection and understanding. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is there to listen can make a significant difference. If you feel comfortable, consider sharing your feelings with someone you trust. You might be surprised by their willingness to support you.

If you find that your feelings of anxiety and depression are becoming overwhelming, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide you with tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is an effective treatment for both anxiety and depression, helping individuals identify and change negative thought patterns.

Lastly, practice mindfulness and grounding techniques. These can help you stay present and reduce feelings of anxiety. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or even simple grounding exercises (like focusing on the sensations of your feet on the ground) can help bring your attention back to the present moment and away from spiraling thoughts.

In conclusion, overcoming anxiety and depression and learning to love yourself again is a process that takes time and patience. It involves a combination of self-compassion, physical activity, support from others, and possibly professional help. Remember, it’s okay to seek assistance, and taking small steps toward self-acceptance can lead to significant changes in your emotional well-being. You are worthy of love and happiness, and with time and effort, you can learn to embrace that truth.

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