Navigating Sexual Orientation Doubts: A Guide for Young Adults

Sexual orientation疑慮

Hello, doctor.
I am 24 years old and currently serving in the military.
At the end of September, I had a dream at night where I saw a man's lower body, though it was very vague.
The dream lasted only about five seconds, but I immediately woke up feeling a physiological response.
After that night, I was afraid to close my eyes and couldn't sleep.
On the third day back at the camp, a fellow soldier came close to me, and I suddenly experienced a physiological reaction.
This felt different from the excitement I usually have when seeing women; it became very sensitive and wouldn't subside.

One day, I noticed that whenever I saw other men, I felt a tightness in my chest, accompanied by an inexplicable heartbeat and physiological responses, as if my brain was overwhelmed.
I couldn't look at anyone for more than three seconds; just seeing their face triggered this reaction.
It became very confusing, and I didn't know what to do.
The pressure has been building for a month, and I don't know which clinic to seek help from.
When I try not to think about it, I feel much better, but I am still concerned about my physiological reactions.
I find myself inexplicably excited when I see people, which is unusual for me since I have always been interested only in women and never particularly looked at men.

I have never experienced anything like this before.
I took some online tests and found that I am not interested in so-called gay pornography, but I do have an interest in adult films.
However, since the dream, I have been questioning my sexual orientation for a month now.
Sometimes I even dream about men at night; these are not sexual dreams, but I am aware that I am experiencing physiological responses.
It's been a month since this incident, and I sometimes feel low in mood and stressed, and my sleep has not been good.
The pressure is really high.
Who should I seek help from?

123, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2014/10/24

Dr. Zhang Fangrong reply Psychiatry

Dear Sir,
From your letter, I can certainly sense your stress, worries, and discomfort.
First, let me clarify an important point regarding sexual orientation.
Sexual orientation is generally recognized early in life (often before adolescence).
If this is not the case, individuals may experience confusion about their orientation early on, which may later lead to clarity.
It seems that your situation aligns more with the former, and the recent changes are primarily related to your memories and reactions to dreams.
Sometimes, being overly concerned or reactive can lead to the psychological and physiological responses you have described recently.
If these changes have significantly impacted your daily life, I would recommend seeking outpatient mental health services nearby.
Wishing you peace and joy,
Dr.
Chang Fang-Jung, Psychiatry

Reply Date: 2014/10/24

More Info

Navigating sexual orientation doubts can be a complex and often overwhelming experience, especially for young adults who are still exploring their identities. At 24, you are at a stage where self-discovery is crucial, and it's entirely normal to have questions about your sexual orientation, especially after experiencing unexpected physical reactions and feelings.

From what you've described, it seems that you are experiencing a mix of confusion and anxiety regarding your sexual feelings towards men. This is not uncommon, particularly for individuals who may have previously identified as heterosexual but are now encountering feelings that challenge that identity. The physiological responses you mentioned—such as arousal in response to male figures—can be particularly disconcerting if they contradict your previous understanding of your sexual orientation.

It's important to recognize that sexual orientation exists on a spectrum, and many people find themselves questioning their preferences at different points in their lives. Dreams and subconscious thoughts can sometimes bring to the surface feelings that we may not have fully acknowledged or explored. The fact that you are experiencing these feelings now could be a sign of your mind processing aspects of your identity that you may not have considered before.

Here are some steps you can take to navigate this period of uncertainty:
1. Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and experiences. Journaling can be a helpful tool to articulate your thoughts and emotions. Write about your past attractions, your feelings towards men and women, and any experiences that stand out to you. This can help clarify your thoughts and feelings.

2. Educate Yourself: Understanding the spectrum of sexual orientation can be beneficial. Researching topics related to sexuality, such as bisexuality, pansexuality, and fluidity, may help you find a label that resonates with you, or you may find that you prefer not to label yourself at all.

3. Talk to Someone: Seeking support from a mental health professional, particularly one who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment. They can help you process your emotions and provide strategies to cope with anxiety and confusion.

4. Connect with Others: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to LGBTQ+ support groups or communities. Engaging with others who have similar experiences can provide validation and help you feel less isolated in your journey.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: It's essential to be kind to yourself during this time. Understand that questioning your sexual orientation is a normal part of self-discovery. Allow yourself to feel what you feel without harsh judgment.

6. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Since you mentioned experiencing anxiety and pressure, incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can help manage stress and improve your overall emotional well-being.

7. Limit Exposure to Stressors: If certain environments or situations trigger your anxiety, try to limit your exposure to them while you navigate these feelings. This might include taking a break from social situations that feel overwhelming.

8. Be Patient: Understanding your sexual orientation is a journey that can take time. Allow yourself the space to explore and understand your feelings without rushing to conclusions.

In conclusion, it’s crucial to remember that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone in this experience. Many people go through similar phases of questioning and exploration. Seeking professional help can provide you with the tools to navigate this journey more effectively, and connecting with supportive communities can help you feel more at ease with your identity. Take your time, and be gentle with yourself as you explore these complex feelings.

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