Feeling Stuck: Navigating Emotional Pain and Self-Doubt

The sensation of being stuck?

I feel a tightness in my chest, as if I'm doing everything wrong and overly concerned about what others think, lacking confidence.
It’s painful because whenever someone around me expresses a need, I feel a responsibility to respond, but when I express my own needs, I often receive silence or neglect.
I feel like it's so hard to manage everything alone.
Why do I feel guilty for not responding when others don’t treat me the same way? I just accumulate feelings of disappointment.
I’m clearly angry, yet I still respond next time.
Sometimes I wonder if I actually prefer interacting with others, but it’s exhausting.
I also feel like I don’t fit into the group, and my words and expressions easily get overlooked, which makes me feel even more down.
When I can't afford an expensive counseling session, how can I help myself? Sometimes I feel like no one can respond to my needs.
Am I asking for too much?

si, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/05/02

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, resources for psychological therapy or counseling are not limited to out-of-pocket expenses.
National Health Insurance also provides coverage, so when visiting a medical institution, if they offer psychological therapy services, you can ask the physician for a referral based on your situation.
Some psychiatric or psychosomatic clinics may also provide these services, but it's best to inquire.
Additionally, you can call the health bureau in your county or city to ask about community psychological therapy or counseling services organized by the bureau, which are also staffed by professional psychologists assisting the public.

If you are hesitant to visit a hospital or official institution, you can seek help from Lifeline or Teacher Chang's service, as some people may find telephone counseling less stressful.
The individuals providing these services are also trained and often come from backgrounds such as teaching or public service, and many have degrees in psychology; they are very dedicated.
The altruistic behavior of helping others is something that is universally admired.
However, in today's world, some may forget gratitude or even repay kindness with ingratitude, which can be very frustrating.

The saying "Helping others is the source of happiness" is not incorrect, but the premise is that we should focus on the process of helping rather than expecting a return after giving.
For instance, during natural disasters like earthquakes, many people donate money and supplies without knowing who directly benefits, but the motivation and action of giving are positive encouragements for both oneself and society.
You might also try this approach: help others, give without expecting anything in return.

It is also possible that others may see our difficulties and choose not to help.
They might genuinely be unable to assist, be preoccupied with their own issues, or have other reasons.
Perhaps they are simply selfish and lack compassion.
Additionally, it could be our own issues that make others reluctant to lend a hand.
We have seen a street experiment video where a person dressed as a homeless individual and another in a well-tailored suit both pretended to faint.
The person in the suit received significantly more assistance from strangers, indicating that human nature is complex, and the motivations for doing good often come with conditions rather than being purely responsive to others' needs.

You might also consider reflecting on the situation you described in your letter if it keeps recurring; it may be worth exploring why this is happening.
Having the opportunity for psychological therapy or counseling could provide deeper insights into this matter.

Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2015/05/02

More Info

Feeling stuck in emotional pain and self-doubt can be incredibly challenging, and it’s important to recognize that you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many individuals struggle with similar issues, often feeling overwhelmed by the expectations of others while neglecting their own needs. This can lead to a cycle of frustration, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.

Understanding Your Feelings
The sensations you describe, such as feeling "stuck" or having a "tightness" in your chest, are common manifestations of anxiety and emotional distress. These feelings can arise from a variety of sources, including stress from school or work, personal relationships, or even societal pressures. When you feel that your needs are not being met, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This is compounded when you perceive that others are not reciprocating your emotional investments, leading to a sense of isolation.

The Importance of Self-Care
One of the first steps in navigating these feelings is to prioritize self-care. This means taking the time to acknowledge your own needs and emotions. It’s crucial to understand that it’s okay to express your feelings and to seek support. Here are some strategies that may help you manage your emotional pain and self-doubt:
1. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful tool for self-reflection. It allows you to process your emotions and can help clarify what you truly need from yourself and others.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help alleviate stress and promote emotional well-being.

3. Setting Boundaries: It’s important to recognize that you have the right to set boundaries in your relationships. If you feel overwhelmed by the demands of others, it’s okay to say no or to express that you need time for yourself.

4. Seeking Support: While you mentioned that therapy can be expensive, consider exploring community resources or support groups that may offer free or low-cost services. Sometimes, talking to someone who understands can provide relief and perspective.

5. Engaging in Activities You Enjoy: Finding hobbies or activities that bring you joy can help distract you from negative thoughts and feelings. Whether it’s art, music, sports, or reading, engaging in something you love can boost your mood and self-esteem.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Recognize that it’s okay to feel the way you do, and that you are deserving of kindness and understanding, both from yourself and others.

Addressing Guilt and Responsibility
It’s common to feel guilty when you prioritize your own needs, especially if you perceive that others are not reciprocating. However, it’s essential to understand that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. If you find yourself consistently feeling responsible for others’ emotions or needs, it may be helpful to reflect on the dynamics of those relationships. Are they balanced? Do you feel heard and valued?

Conclusion
Feeling stuck in emotional pain and self-doubt is a complex experience, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to change your narrative. By practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support, you can begin to navigate these feelings more effectively. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and to seek out the connections that uplift you. If you find that these feelings persist or worsen, consider reaching out to a mental health professional when possible, as they can provide tailored support and guidance. You deserve to feel heard, valued, and at peace with yourself.

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