Your Communication Needs: Insights for Mental Health

What type of medical care is needed?

I usually have short conversations with people, and throughout the day, I interact with very few individuals.
I see others engaging in face-to-face conversations that can last for hours, sometimes two to three hours, but I have never had such experiences.
I often feel a bit excited after talking to someone for about 15 minutes and then I want to be alone for a while.
I also encounter situations where I need to buy something that takes a bit of time, rather than just quickly purchasing a drink and ending the conversation.
Therefore, I have very little experience with long face-to-face interactions.
However, as I get older, I realize this is a weakness of mine, and I hope the doctor can provide some advice.

Wu, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/07/25

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, speaking is a form of communication, and whether the duration of speech indicates something good or bad is an interesting question.
Some people prefer brevity and getting straight to the point.
However, others feel that overly concise speech can come across as arrogant or indifferent.
Conversely, many enjoy conversing with humorous and witty individuals, while some may find this approach lacking in seriousness or sincerity.
Just as there are many preferences among people, there is no definitive rule that suggests one must speak for a long time to be considered a good communicator.
Personally, I find that I may trust someone who speaks less rather than someone who is overly verbose.
I don't have a better suggestion regarding this issue; this is just my personal opinion for your reference.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2015/07/25

More Info

It sounds like you are grappling with feelings of isolation and a desire for deeper connections, while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by social interactions. This is a common struggle for many individuals, particularly in a fast-paced and often superficial social environment. Your experience reflects a complex interplay of social anxiety, communication needs, and perhaps a deeper yearning for meaningful relationships.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that feeling the need for companionship and connection is entirely normal. Humans are inherently social beings, and our mental health can significantly benefit from positive social interactions. However, when social anxiety or discomfort arises, it can create barriers to forming those connections. You mentioned feeling excited after short conversations but then needing solitude, which suggests that while you crave interaction, you may also feel drained by it. This is often referred to as being an "introverted extrovert" or having an ambivert personality, where you enjoy socializing but also require time alone to recharge.

To address your concerns, consider the following strategies:
1. Gradual Exposure: Start by gradually increasing your social interactions. This could mean initiating short conversations with acquaintances or participating in group activities that interest you. The goal is to build your confidence in social settings without overwhelming yourself.

2. Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Engage in mindfulness practices to help you stay present during conversations. This can reduce anxiety and help you focus on the interaction rather than worrying about how you are perceived. Reflecting on your feelings after social interactions can also provide insights into what aspects you enjoyed and what you found challenging.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for lengthy conversations, set achievable goals for yourself. For example, aim to engage in a five-minute conversation with a classmate or colleague. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually extend the duration of these interactions.

4. Seek Support: If you find that your social anxiety is significantly impacting your life, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage anxiety and improve your communication skills. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for social anxiety, as it helps individuals challenge negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies.

5. Join Groups or Clubs: Participating in clubs or groups that align with your interests can provide a structured environment for socializing. This can make interactions feel more natural and less pressured, as you will have common topics to discuss.

6. Practice Active Listening: Focus on being an active listener during conversations. This not only takes the pressure off you to speak but also helps you engage more meaningfully with others. Ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the other person's responses.

7. Educate Yourself: Understanding social dynamics and communication styles can empower you. There are many resources available, including books and online courses, that can help you develop your communication skills and boost your confidence.

8. Accept Imperfection: It's essential to recognize that not every interaction will go perfectly, and that's okay. Embrace the idea that social skills can be developed over time, and allow yourself to learn from each experience.

In conclusion, navigating social interactions can be challenging, especially when compounded by feelings of anxiety or a desire for deeper connections. By taking small, manageable steps and seeking support when needed, you can gradually improve your communication skills and enhance your social experiences. Remember, it's perfectly acceptable to seek help and take your time in this journey. Your feelings are valid, and with patience and practice, you can find a balance that works for you.

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