Am I Depressed? Emotional Turmoil and Childhood Trauma - Psychiatry

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It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress, which may be rooted in your childhood experiences and the trauma associated with them. The feelings you describe—such as feeling like an unwanted child, experiencing intense emotional outbursts, and having thoughts of worthlessness—are serious and warrant attention.
From what you've shared, it seems that you may be struggling with symptoms commonly associated with depression, as well as possible anxiety and unresolved trauma. Depression is characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest in activities that once brought joy. It can also manifest through emotional outbursts, irritability, and difficulty managing emotions, which you have described.
Your childhood experiences, including feeling unwanted and witnessing family conflict, can have a lasting impact on your mental health. These experiences can lead to feelings of low self-worth and emotional instability. The intense crying spells and feelings of being "extra" or "unwanted" can be indicative of deeper emotional wounds that might be linked to these early experiences.
It's important to recognize that these feelings and reactions are not uncommon for someone who has faced similar challenges. The fact that you have moments of intense emotional release, such as crying and yelling, suggests that you may be struggling to process these feelings in a healthy way. This can be a sign of emotional dysregulation, which is often seen in individuals who have experienced trauma or significant stress.

Seeking professional help is crucial. A mental health professional can provide you with a safe space to explore these feelings and experiences. They can help you understand the roots of your emotional turmoil and develop coping strategies to manage your feelings more effectively. Therapy can also assist you in reframing your self-perception and addressing the negative beliefs you may hold about yourself.

In addition to therapy, consider engaging in self-care practices that promote emotional well-being. This can include journaling to express your thoughts and feelings, practicing mindfulness or meditation to help ground yourself during moments of distress, and finding supportive relationships where you feel safe to share your experiences.
It's also important to remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay to take small steps toward understanding and managing your emotions. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate through these challenging feelings.
In summary, based on your description, it is possible that you are experiencing depression and emotional dysregulation stemming from childhood trauma. Seeking professional help is a vital step toward understanding and healing from these experiences. You deserve support and guidance as you work through these feelings and strive for a healthier emotional state.