Navigating Mental Health and Career Choices: A Personal Journey

I am Jason?

Hello, doctor: First of all, I apologize; it's not that I have too many questions, but I don't know what to do or how to choose! If it weren't for (that person) experiencing a change (secret), I might still be doing a garbage collection job, living a muddled life! Now I am working as a part-time cleaner, earning only NT$10,000 a month, working three days a week for four hours each time.
However, the employer has many demands and does not provide labor or health insurance.
Additionally, I am required to complete the cleaning of a nine-story apartment building in one hour.
I always exceed that time.
Based on the employer's requirements, I am considering changing to another part-time job.
However, I feel guilty discussing with my employer about exceeding the time; I just want to avoid being fired! The employer also mentioned that there is no overtime pay, and the monthly salary is fixed at NT$10,000.
This makes me feel that this job is very frustrating, wanting the sheep to be well-fed but not allowing them to graze! Perhaps I think this way, and I even consider changing jobs; maybe my employer also wants to replace me.
Today, my employer told me they wanted to visit my home! I strongly refused.
Furthermore, my employer told others that although I work very diligently, I still exceed the time.
Previous employees did not exceed the time but were rather careless in their work.
This is my first time working in cleaning a community building, and I am already being criticized! Why do I want to find a part-time job? Because of (that person), I feel that I can no longer live the way I used to.
Besides looking for work (which must be part-time), I am also preparing for the civil service exam next year! Previously, I worked as a temporary contract worker in a state-owned enterprise, which felt great (except for being late and taking leave), so I want to squeeze through this narrow door! However, A tutoring center said that regardless of how many days are left until the exam next year, the price remains the same.
Even if there are only ten days left, it is still the same.
The preliminary exam is in January next year, and I only have four months to prepare, and I know almost nothing in English, just a few simple words! Moreover, my home has no internet or computer, so I cannot use DVD correspondence courses; I can only choose MP3 correspondence, which only allows me to hear the audio without seeing the visuals! However, A tutoring center has a very good reputation.
The B tutoring center offers DVD correspondence that can connect to a TV; I just need to buy a DVD player, but the materials are outdated.
The new materials will only be sent out in February next year.
However, the special exam for disabilities is in April next year, and there is not enough time! I have also bought books to read, but since I am not from the relevant field, I encounter bottlenecks and cannot understand certain parts, so I need to learn through tutoring.
I also don't know what category I am interested in.
The B tutoring center does not have as good a reputation as the A tutoring center, and the more they operate, the smaller the store becomes.
The prices for correspondence or tutoring at the B center are cheaper than those at the A center! But as long as I can pass the exam, I am willing to spend any amount of money.
I have also checked both centers, but I cannot decide!? If I really want to take tutoring into consideration regarding time and preparation, I may not be able to take the special exam for disabilities and the preliminary exam next year, which would have to be postponed.
This would mean applying for the local special exam at the end of next year and the special exam for disabilities and the preliminary exam the year after next.
So what am I doing with my part-time job now? Why am I working so hard? I am getting older, know nothing, and do not want to start learning as an apprentice; no one would hire someone in their thirties as an apprentice.
Moreover, after a certain age, it becomes harder to find a job! I also have a mental illness and am not required to serve in the military; who would hire me? As for studying civil service books, I have not finished checking both sides yet.
I also haven't been reading much; sometimes, most of the time, I feel very anxious and restless, unable to calm down.
I often curse my enemies to death, and so on...
even though I am taking medication, it is still the same! Sometimes I read a little and then yawn continuously, or I can't focus on reading at all; I have been away from books for too long! Sometimes I remember a little after reading, but the next day at work, I forget again! Sometimes my memory is very poor, and I can't remember.
Maybe I am going crazy; the money spent on books feels wasted! It is clearly impossible to pass the exam, so why squeeze through this narrow door! Whenever I feel tired from work or under pressure, I go to the library to go online and listen to music.
I haven't been doing any recycling at home, but my dad still collects it for me, which makes me very distressed! I originally wanted to take English tutoring! Although I am currently a person with disabilities, I do not want to continue relying on (social resources) for help; I want to break free and be self-reliant.
I cannot rely on (social resources) for a lifetime, right? Moreover, having received help from others, I should give back to others and to society (at least that is what I believe).
But my attitude towards studying is like this...
Many of my peers with similar illnesses are also preparing for civil service exams and have been preparing for many years! However, my situation is different: I only have three opportunities to apply for the exam each year, and if I do not pass, my dad will not let me apply again.
He will say that I have tried three times without success, or that my brother has a higher education level and did not pass, or other reasons telling me not to take the exam...
This time, I insisted on applying! Indeed, my education level is low, and my aptitude is dull! All of these factors put a lot of pressure on me, causing me great pain.
What should I do? How should I choose a tutoring center? Are there other options?

Jason, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/08/28

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, everyone has dreams and desires for happiness and a better life, which is the essence of hope in life.
However, there are certain things that others may be able to achieve that we might not be able to.
This is especially true for highly sought-after jobs, such as public service positions, which come with considerable difficulty.
One's physical and mental condition must be well-adjusted, along with hard work.
From my understanding, most patients competing for civil service exams start from a different point, akin to having a severe cold with body aches and still having to compete in a marathon.
I suggest you discuss your thoughts with your physician; perhaps they can refer you to an occupational therapist to assess your current abilities.
From a suitable foundation, you can devise reasonable goals, allowing you to progress step by step, making you more competent and confident.
Having dreams is wonderful, but if they are unattainable, it can lead to wasted time and resources, and a constant feeling of frustration.
Life is short, and before you know it, several years have passed.
I recommend investing in endeavors that are easier to succeed in, even if they seem less appealing or the results feel insignificant.
Additionally, if that adversary has not appeared in real life for a long time, or if everyone says such a situation is impossible, I advise against wasting valuable time and energy on them; living in the present moment is more important.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2015/08/28

More Info

Navigating mental health and career choices can be an overwhelming journey, especially when faced with personal challenges and societal expectations. Your situation reflects a complex interplay of emotions, responsibilities, and aspirations that many individuals encounter at various stages of their lives. Here, I will provide some insights and suggestions that may help you in your journey.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge the emotional weight you carry. The pressure of needing to support yourself financially while also striving for a better future can be daunting. Your current job as a part-time cleaner, while it provides some income, seems to be causing you significant stress due to the demanding expectations of your employer. It’s understandable to feel frustrated when you are working hard but not being compensated fairly or recognized for your efforts. This situation can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, especially when you compare yourself to others who may seem to have it easier or more successful.

One of the first steps you can take is to prioritize your mental health. It’s crucial to find ways to manage stress and anxiety, which can be exacerbated by your current job situation and the pressure of upcoming exams. Consider incorporating relaxation techniques into your daily routine, such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, or gentle physical activity. These practices can help calm your mind and improve your focus, making it easier to study and prepare for your exams.

Regarding your career aspirations, it’s commendable that you are considering public service exams as a pathway to a more stable and fulfilling career. However, the fear of failure and the pressure of limited opportunities can be paralyzing. It’s essential to approach this process with a mindset that allows for growth and learning, rather than solely focusing on the outcome. Remember that many people face setbacks before achieving their goals, and each attempt can provide valuable lessons that contribute to your personal and professional development.

When it comes to choosing a preparatory course for your exams, weigh the pros and cons of each option carefully. A reputable institution may offer better resources and support, but if the cost is prohibitive, consider whether the less expensive option could still provide you with the necessary skills and knowledge. You might also explore online resources, community programs, or local libraries that offer free or low-cost study materials. Engaging with peers who are also preparing for the exams can provide motivation and support, as well as opportunities for collaborative learning.

Additionally, it’s important to recognize that your mental health condition does not define your capabilities or potential. Many individuals with similar challenges have successfully pursued their goals, and seeking support from mental health professionals can be beneficial. Therapy can provide you with coping strategies, help you process your feelings, and empower you to take actionable steps toward your aspirations.

Lastly, consider reaching out to community organizations that support individuals with disabilities or mental health challenges. They may offer resources, mentorship, or job placement assistance that can help you navigate your career path more effectively. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can alleviate some of the burdens you feel and provide encouragement as you work toward your goals.

In conclusion, while the journey may seem overwhelming, taking small, manageable steps can lead to significant progress over time. Focus on self-care, seek support, and remain open to exploring various paths that align with your interests and abilities. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and to take the time you need to find your way. Your determination to improve your situation is commendable, and with perseverance and the right support, you can navigate this challenging phase of your life successfully.

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